November 2, 2019 at 5:08 pm #31312
Okok and Glenn, thanks for sharing your stories, I can relate. I actually have a pretty strong sex drive, I just don’t want it to involve anyone else. I’ve had relationships, marriage, kids, and it seems like every year that passed I was less interested in sex, and was rushing thru it. (I never minded giving bj’s much, so my hubby stayed happy enough. We divorced for non-sexual reasons.). I was always demisexual, in that it was very, very rare to find a man who did attract me.November 3, 2019 at 8:39 pm #31315
Thanks for the reply and insight Kat. I thought it would be years before the next post!
Perhaps I will meet someone like you in another life and live happily ever after😆November 10, 2019 at 9:52 pm #31327
Oh my, where to start?
Grew up in a super conservative, close minded society where, if you are not married by the age of 25, everyone assumes there is something wrong with you.
I guess the first indication that I was different was when my female friends started to have crushes on guys and talk a lot about them. I just couldn’t care less. When they asked me who I was in love with, I never had an answer, so I would just name a random person. Also, when they asked me what my ideal guy was like, I struggled a lot to answer. Nothing ever came to mind so I just always said random stuff and changed the answer every time. You can imagine my friend’s confusion. I did get mini crushes, but I would hate the guy’s guts if he ever reciprocated my feelings. I would always tell my friends I was like a dog chasing a car. I really wanted that car, but once I caught it, I lost interest in it immediately.
Then I went abroad to study college in Houston at 21, and wow, it was the first time I ever felt pressured by society to have a boyfriend and get in on the “action”. I never did. Just the thought of kissing someone was gross to me. I did try dating someone, but it only lasted 3 months. I thought I loved the guy, but the more time I spent with him, the more I realized he was just a very good friend. I started seeing him as a little brother after 2 months, so you can imagine how hard it was for me when it came to kissing him XD I also could never (even up to this day) tell friendship and love apart. They are the same to me. I thought it was because I fell in love with everybody, but now I know it’s because I have never fallen in love before hehehe.
For a time I thought I had some sort of mental illness. I researched depression, narcissism, sociopathy, bipolarity, and even for a time I thought maybe I was a lesbian in denial. Then I came across a forum talking about asexuality and it just clicked. I think it was an AVEN post. I’m happy that I can put a name to what I feel (or don’t feel). It’s a relief I am not the only one who feels this. I just wish the people around me could accept that I am asexual. I once tried coming out to my siblings. It did not go well. They just laughed at me and told me I was not an amoeba *facepalm*
I would love to be in a QPR with someone. Just cuddle around while watching movies and stuff, but I’m too lazy to go looking for someone. It’s the free and single life for me <3November 11, 2019 at 7:27 am #31331
I’m a romantic who never thought of myself in any other terms than heterosexual until very recently. I always liked boys/men and have fallen desperately in love a number of times. I drifted from relationship to relationship and put up with sex in the hope of being with the man I loved. But I always hated sex, increasingly so as I got older. I hope I don’t offend anyone if admit that more and more I felt as if I’m raped, even if I consented. Finally I admitted to myself that for whatever reason, I can’t keep doing it anymore. I don’t even like kissing, although I love to cuddle and hold hands as much as anyone. It has nothing to do with my upbringing. I had very open-minded parents and my mom discussed things with me from an early age. I always thought sex is the most overrated thing since the beginning of time. For a while I assumed all women must secretly feel like me but put up with sex to be cool. Finally I realize it’s me, and have lived with the shame and frustration ever since. It’s a huge relief to know there’s a big community of like-minded people. I’d love to hear from any of you who wish to be friends or have a relationship.November 13, 2019 at 8:55 am #31334
I liked the idea of romance, but never really considered it. I grew up very sheltered, and it wasn’t until I was 15 that some friends of mine introduced me to the idea of sex, homosexuality and relationships. I was admittedly curious about it all, and I had a few crushes on both boys and girls, but I was never interested in sex in any way. When I was 16, I had my first kiss, and it was awful. I couldn’t understand why.
Eventually, I just put it down as me being a late bloomer, but I started to feel the pressure as I got older. My family started to stress that I was alone. My friends were pairing up and getting married. My five younger siblings all went in and out of relationships. I didn’t know what was missing.
And I thought something was wrong with me. I couldn’t figure out why I was different. I went through a stage, in my early 20s, of desperately wanting a relationship, and trying to force lust but it never worked. I’ve never had sex, but I knew unequivocally that it was not something I wanted. Even the idea was repulsive. And that made me feel even worse. Something in my must be broken, I decided.
Five years ago, I was introduced to the concept of assexuality. At that time, a lot was happening, with many relationships around me failing, and I dismissed the idea at first, because I thought maybe I was just scared. As did my family and friends.
Then I researched. The more I researched, the more I found myself saying “I do that”. Finally, just over a year ago, I knew 100%. I’m asexual. I want a relationship, but I don’t want sex. And I started coming out to everyone that was important to me.
They’ve been amazing, all my family and friends. All of them sort of went “that makes a lot of sense, actually” and they’ve tried their hardest to understand as much as they can. Some times I feel lonely and apart from others, but I finally feel settled on my own skin, as myself.November 19, 2019 at 8:15 pm #31338
I feel like I’ve struggled with my asexuality for most of my life. It was honestly easier for me to admit to people that I liked both men and women than it was for me to admit I was asexual. I guess I was just always a little terrified that I’d be rejected? Sex is a pretty healthy part of most relationships.
Things haven’t really gotten much easier. I thought I was with someone who’d accepted me. We’d been dating for 3 years, but ultimately it was 3 years of compromise because we didn’t have that much in common. I can be a bit of a homebody, so common-ground is very important to me. It is incredibly difficult to find someone around my age, in my city, who also enjoys and wants the same things out of a relationship.
I’d love to find someone here, but I’m not feeling particularly optimistic. But I’m glad these forums exists. It’s nice to have a place where I can be a little insecure.December 2, 2019 at 9:06 am #31360
Hmmm..I pretty much discovered I was ace around elementary school. That was when all my friends were starting to get interested in boys, and would constantly talk about their crushes. They would always ask me who I had a crush on, and I never felt anything for the opposite sex (or the same sex). I figured I was just a late bloomer and those feelings would come naturally as I got older. But their I was in high school, a time where emotions and hormones are supposed to make you go wild, and I still didn’t feel any kind of sexual urge. I would have fake “relationships” and “crushes” to get my friends off my back, because they could never understand that I wasn’t interested in either sex. In college I realized the only way I would even think of starting a relationship with someone is if I already had a strong emotional attachment to that person (so I’m a Demi).
I want a relationship and a partner to share my life with (heteroromantic), I just don’t want sex to be a binding chain for that agreement. As a Demisexual, I can have sex with someone who I love or am a very close friend to, but for me I can have it or not have it. If I have sex with that person, fine, if I don’t, also fine. I’m more interested in the romantic part of a relationship than anything sexual. 🙂
I hope this site will allow me to find that special someone who wants a relationship, but one where sex is not an iron clad rule.
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