Asexual friends : Tell us your personal story…

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This topic contains 146 replies, has 122 voices, and was last updated by  Jason Tillman 2 days, 2 hours ago.

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  • #30712

    Veee
    Participant

    Such interesting stories!!! Particularly the anonymous ones ;).

    #30721

    Sim
    Participant

    I learned about asexuality after my first relationship. I never had the urge to have sex with my first bf, but I thought it was normal to be scared of having sex for the first time. He was very patient and didn’t force me to do anything, but after being in a relationships for months I felt like it would be time to have sex. Not because I wanted to, but because I felt like this is how relationships worked. I didn’t want him to think I am prude or that I didn’t love him. So we had sex and it was horrible. I remember beingt totally shocked that people can enjoy something like this. Did women just lie to their men about enjoying it while silently suffering?! I talked with some of my female friends and they told me it shouldn’t be like this, but they also said it was normal that the first time wasn’t enjoyable. So I tried again…and again…and again and it felt as bad as the first time. It was a really hard time for me, because I felt like I was broken. I felt unable to show my bf the love he deserved; I felt unable to enjoy sex while he did; I didn’t know how I could bear the pain while having sex any longer. I thought about breaking up with him to not have to have sex again, but at the same time I loved him, so why should I break up with him?!
    In the end I figured there was something wrong with me. I thought maybe I didn’t love him but was lying to myself because I just didn’t felt attracted to him sexually. So I broke up with him. He couldn’t understand why and I couldn’t tell him because after the first times having sex I had stopped to tell him it hurts to not make him feel bad. We are still friends until today, but I never told him the truth.
    When my lovesickness after the break-up got better I started to search the web for people like me. I thought I was mentally ill or smth like that. That’s when I first found AVEN and read about asexuality. It was such a relief that there are people like me and that it’s possible to love someone without being sexually attracted to him…and of course that I wasn’t mentally ill!
    I now have lived a few years knowing about my sexual orientation and it helps understanding myself. Unfortunately it doesn’t help finding the right partner. I have had some partners after having found out I am asexual; but it was always the same: They needed sex, I couldn’t enjoy it, we both felt bad.

    #30791

    Stella B
    Participant

    I discovered asexuality when I was about 15, and ever since then, slowly came into the acceptance that I just…didn’t like sex, at all. I know I’m relatively young (one of the youngest I’ve seen here!!!) but I feel strongly in my identity and have been going through a recent struggle of thinking maybe I should put aside my own happiness and boundaries for the sake of making possible future partners sexually happy, and my friends continued to tell me that this was an incredibly unhealthy mindset, so here I am! Hoping to find other people like me who can live and love without the need for sex 😀

    #30803

    DorkyDane
    Participant

    Hallo, new user here.

    I just turned 29 years old, live in Denmark and when people ask me why I don’t have a boyfriend yet my standard answer for many years has been. “I am asexual until further notice.”

    The reason why… I never liked having sex. Ever.

    When I was in my early twenties, everyone around me had sex and talked about how amazing it is, and I felt like I had to.
    I got into foreplay with a guy, but didn’t like it, it felt uncomfortable, we never got into intercourse. It just, didn’t feel good at all.
    Then I tried with a woman, maybe that would feel nicer? … No dice, I did not like it.

    I stopped trying by then, i’ve gone my entire life without having any relationship what so ever. Instead I have focused on my passions.

    Playing piano, writing stories, singing, doing theater and creating my own stuff.
    I helped putting up performances and arrangements in my city, I played and sang at different places and well, I think I have done some pretty great things.

    Still, the lack of a companion does get to me.
    I am a bit of a hermit and live alone, I even have a cat I adore above all else. Being social for to long exhaust me.

    Still… the older I get, the more I feel that loneliness. And I am becoming increasingly scared that I am going to grow old all alone.

    Not even liking being touched has stopped me from having any relationship, I tried last summer where I went out with a guy. We had a fun time watching Deadpool 2 in cinema and so forth but ones it came to holding and kissing… I simply could not do it.
    I was turned off, I had to walk away.

    He was so nice and so sweet, but I couldn’t do it.

    I have pretty much accepted that I am never going to have a family, I am never going to have children, I may never even get a companion. It hurts though.
    I suppose… All I can do is to keep doing what I have done. Fill my life with all this other stuff which is special to me.

    Books, movies, games, theater, cosplay, music, dancing, animals, walks in nature. I enjoy all of these things greatly.

    It still sucks… it hurts. I don’t even lack admires really, but…I can’t give any of them what is needed to be in a relationship. I can’t give them that physical comfort they need, it makes me uncomfortable and I have to get out.

    Anyone else whom can relate at all?

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 1 day ago by  DorkyDane.
    #30810

    David Doman
    Participant

    My story is also quite strange. I thought I was gay all throughout high school, because I wasn’t attracted to women in that way. I just couldn’t understand. I took sex Ed in school, and fully understood what it was supposed to be like, but alas no sexual attraction to women. Then when I started dating men I was even more confused. No sexual attraction toward them either. I stumbled upon the term asexual two years ago. It fit me like a glove. I consider myself to be panromantic. I have fallen in love with people who identify as men, women, and other gender identities. I am a sex neutral asexual. I don’t find it disgusting, but it doesn’t appeal to me either. I am still a virgin at 38 years old. I just don’t see myself doing it. Also I am intergendered. I feel as though I am a combination of both male and female. At age 10 I told my parents I wanted to be a girl. They of course freaked out. I know this doesn’t have anything to do with the topic, but it’s me in a nutshell. I am quite a physical person. I don’t like kissing. But hugging, cuddling, massaging, touching just melts me. I am also polyamorous. My perfect relationship would be with both someone who is male, and someone who is female. But not at the same time. I have been told that I give great massages. My touch is electric.Both men and women have their pros and cons. To be protected with men, and to be the protector with women. And of course no sex with either. It’s hard finding people who don’t want sex. Sometimes I start making out with either a girl or guy just because I want to please them. But it doesn’t last too long. I get bored,and loose interest. Then the argument comes up why I stopped. Forever lonely? I really need an asexual partner. But for an asexual guy to find an asexual girl is quite difficult. The women either don’t respond or maybe think I am lying. Maybe? Not too sure about this one. But I am a great guy. I don’t get jealous. You can do what you want. Communication is key. Heck if you’re polyamorous too that’s ok. Just communication is key. I will let you do your thing.

    #30834

    Lloyd
    Participant

    I first heard the term when I was 14, but didn’t really understand the concept until I was 17 or 18 when I saw season 4 of Bojack Horseman. The character Todd comes out as asexual in that season. It made me question my sexuality, but I wasn’t entirely convinced. It wasn’t until a few months later when I had sex for the first time that I knew for certain that I was asexual. I knew I had to be ace when I just wasn’t getting any pleasure out of sex, in fact, I was getting more exhausted than anything.

    #30844

    Jason Tillman
    Participant

    For me I never thought much about girls or sex when I was at school. And when I came out as I still didn’t quite fit in. My friends were talking about sex all the time and having one night stands and friends with benefits. Both boyfriends I have had enjoyed a high higher sex drive than me.

    Sex has always been daunting and effort and bottom of my priority list. I’m happy with just kissing, cuddling and mutual masturbation. Oral and anal don’t interest me much. I think lack of confidence and low sex drive didn’t help. That’s not to say I don’t watch porn occasionally or have fetishes because I do. Which is why for me knowing where I fit in has never been easy.

    I have friends that mean the world to me but I think it’s time I had a partner of my own now. I’ve been single for about ten years. I’m hoping this website will be able to answer some of these questions for me. And help me to find someone special. Thanks for reading.

    • This reply was modified 2 days, 2 hours ago by  Jason Tillman.

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