Asexual friends : Tell us your personal story…

[Laurie]

At the moment I am still unsure whether I am asexual or not. However the more I read (and there’s still so much more I’ve yet to read about) I feel that I may be asexual or at least somewhere on the asexual spectrum.

When I was eleven I had my first girl crush on one of my dad’s neighbours. She was fourteen. At that time I had also started noticing attractive famous women. I had my first experience with this girl when I was twelve, although it was merely a touching of lips (not even a proper kiss) and a bit of groping. From then on I thought that I was gay, and was outed as such at fourteen. I came out to my parents at sixteen.

I have always found women attractive. However I have never wanted to be physical with anyone. When I was a teenager, I never understood why my friends were so eager to go out in the pubs and clubs and cop off with people. It never interested me. As I have got older, I have always liked the idea of getting to know someone and fall in love, but at the same time been afraid of it as the physical side still does not interest me.

I have always been told that when I eventually meet “the one” my feelings will change, and all the thoughts I have about physical contact with a person will change. I have always dismissed the idea of being asexual because I find women attractive, however as I begin to read more, this has started to change. I’m still unsure, but I hope that by signing up to here and talking to others, I might find the answers I’m looking for.

[Alice]

It was always with me. I couldn’t understand why people are so concerned about such things. And clothing and make up were always just fun for me not a way of seducing people. First my strange attitude was explained by young age, later by lack of time because of the studies. Today I am happy to find some other people who are like me and continue living like that, because I am happy without sex.

[Anonymous]

Hey, I have a pituitary condition, which means non of my glands work, including my genitals, I’ve always been infertile, but after testosterone gave up working, so I cannot have sex either. I feel I’m transgender, but cannot have the operation as hormones don’t really work. So I’m just being asexual/ androgynous. Hope to meet and talk to like minded/people in the similar situations as myself.

[Anonymous]

I came across the term several years ago but denied myself of being asexual as I believed I was sexual but hadn’t met the right person.

I found myself in a relationship last year, and thought things were going great until my partner mentioned concerns regarding sex. I made excuses and blamed it on everything else but myself.

Sadly the relationship soon ended, and during a time of reflection, realised I had confused romantic attraction for sexual attraction. More importantly, I came to acknowledge that I had never experienced sexual attraction at all with anyone.

Since then I’ve come to accept that part of myself, and decided to be honest with future love-interests. I have shared it with my closest friends around me who have all been very understanding and supportive.

I’m very grateful that there is an online presence which has helped me to correctly identify my orientation and not feel alone.

Much peace and love to all x

[Evelyn Eve]

Greetings! My name is Evelyn. I am a biromantic asexual more drawn to brains and “masculine” types than male or female par say. For example, a nerdy tomboy or a man with a soft spot for the intellectual pursuits are both the types of people I prefer to mingle with.

I have had sex many times in the past to please partners, but that’s what it was about: pleasing my partner. However, when it boiled down to it all I can do without. Sex always felt one-sided for me. I tried to do the “open relationship” bit for my last partner for over a decade when I had my suspicions that sex wasn’t working, but the way they reasoned was if they could get everything I gave them + sex from someone else, I was essentially no longer needed. Thus ended my 16 year marriage.

I have only been in two relationships my entire life; when the math is done, 18 years were between two people. So, that said, I am not one to chase relationships…but I don’t mind putting myself out there. You never know.

Here, I would like to also be honest and say I am a MTF transgender. All what sexual sexual function I could muster left me when I got on HRT…and word is it’s going to go down more and more over time, especially after I am done with surgeries. But I don’t mind.

I am an indie author, self-published several times as well as featured in a few magazines. The funniest part of it is a good part of what I have out there is horror erotica because, well, sex has always been weird and scary for me so it makes it easy to write crazy sexual scenes. I’d imagine that it works this way because in the eyes of demisexuals/asexuals/etc the deed does look a little alien, goofy, and perhaps terrifying.

But other than that, I publish a bit of poetry, “regular” horror, and sci-fi/fantasy here and there, as well as write book reviews on Goodreads for the books I have read. I am a retired USAF veteran, so have a lot of free time on my hands these days.

I have a fairly good sized Transformer collection, a growing library, as well as a love of video games and cartoons.

[Anonymous]

I’m a demipanromantic asexual who didn’t quite know what I was until I learned about asexuality. When I first found out about it, I was amazed that I had actually found the right niche to fit in. It has really helped me accept who I am, now that I have figured out another piece of the puzzle that is me. I will slowly keep striding towards becoming a whole, happy, and healthy person.

[Anonymous]

Hey all, I am new to the site and glad to find a community of like minded individuals. I have always been attracted to both men and women, but it was more in a I can appreciate the attractiveness that they possessed kind of way. I have always loved cuddling and kissing, but only with people who I have an emotional connection with. I have tried with people I knew but was not really connected to and nothing ever panned out. I don’t know if this is TMI, but to be honest, the few times I have had sexual encounters I was always under the influence and never initiated anything. It was more like the other person started something and I just kind of went along with it, but never got any pleasure from it. I watch porn and read erotica, and I can become sexually aroused, but only when I am alone. There have been a few people in my life who were sexual and I was connected to who I was ok with the thought of something sexual happening with, but it never really went any further than fumbling around. I have never gained sexual pleasure from another person, but I would be open to it, if I was really connected to them. I have always felt kind of off because I was so different from my friends who all seemed to go from relationship to relationship with no problem. Then there was me, who was not actively looking for something, and hardly ever found people who I was attracted to, I mean really attracted to. It has been years since I have so much as kissed someone and I am ok with that, but I also kind of want someone to kiss and cuddle and see how it turns out. I need to be friends with someone first I believe. So I suppose I would classify myself as a gray-a bordering on demisexual. Thanks for reading my rambling story. I look forward to talking to you lovely people!

[Caton]

I can’t begin to tell you what a relief it is to find this website! I’ll apologize up don’t for my verbosity, Im finding it impossible to contain myself in light of my recent discovery of this dating website! I’m still in awe of the fact that there’s a dating website out there for asexuals, it’s all so overwhelming and quite amazing! I’m still deciding on which terms within the asexual spectrum I relate to most, but I’m beginning to feel that the terms homoromantic, homoaesthetic and homosensual. I am also considering my life’s experiences and preferences, how my interests have waxed and waned throughout the years, and those things that were a constant turn-off for me in relationships. I’m currently separated from my husband due to many reasons, a big one was due to the fact that I was never that interested in sex. We rushed into a relationship after I felt I’d found someone who was finally willing to compromise on the sex part of a relationship. It wasn’t until I fell in love with him and had invested a great deal of time into the relationship that he came out to me as sex addict. I resented him for his hyper arousal, and he resented me for my lack of arousal. He got to the point of sexual frustration that he began getting verbally corrosive in the relationship, and when his words no longer carried the sting he intended, he began resorting to belligerent behavior until he lost all control and became violent towards me. I have always struggled with intimacy in relationships, and have required a feeling of close intimacy to even consider sexual contact. To boot, I’ve never liked anal sex, the thought of it alone disgusts me, let alone the few times I experienced it I was in so much pain I couldn’t understand why gay men put up with it or called it a form of sexual contact; for me it was akin to torment and torture. Relationships, for me, have always been bittersweet. I loved the camaraderie and intimacy but dreaded the constant barrage of sexual advances and expectation. After dating for about 3 years and realizing that men didn’t want anything to do with me after they realized I was hypo sexual, I began referring to myself as undesirable. I began to feel a deep sense of sorrow for my life, feeling as if I was meant to live a life of loneliness, heart ache and heart break. A few years before my marriage, I had lived in a different state and I had a room mate. He’d begun dating a fairly attractive man. I had yet to meet this guy until they had been dating for well over 5 months who lived in another town. By then, my roommate was already talking about love and that he was inviting him over to the house for supper. When he arrived he decided he wanted to go out for dinner instead and wanted me to tag along. When my roommate went to the bathroom, his boyfriend began hitting on me and telling me that he felt we had better chemistry than he did with my roommate. I was quite explicit that I was not interested and was appalled that he would be hitting on me while he was in a relationship. As the night went on, he wanted to go to a nightclub and go dancing, we obliged him and we all had a number of drinks before we left. A taxi took us home and I left them alone, I went to bed so they could get frisky. Some hours later, I woke to searing pain, my roommates boyfriend was raping me. I’m not sure how long he had been having sex with me before I woke up, but I began screaming out in pain for him to stop. I don’t think he would have stopped had it not been for my roommate barging in to tell his boyfriend that I had said “no”! After that, sex became even more of a challenge for me in a relationship. I already felt the need for strong emotional connection which took a really long time to forge for me, this did that process no favors. After that, I felt like I was complete and utter damaged goods. My so-called sex drive was now non-existent (as in, the possibility of having sex was something I no longer was willing to make compromises for just to be in a relationship) and i shuddered to think of having sex with anyone ever again. Then I met my husband and he told me he was willing to take things slow and stick to only doing things that I was comfortable doing, as I became comfortable expanding my interests. What he couldn’t understand was that my love for him was never going to be enough for me to change into a sexual person like he had hoped. With time, I healed, but my disgust for sex never improved and my husband issued daily guilt-trips to remind me just how sexually frustrated he was. I regretfully tried to convince myself that if I just tried maybe I could like it, but we were always arguing about sex, so it only magnified for me the feeling that sex was a chore. It got to the point that I used any excuse I could think of just to stay out of the bedroom when he was awake; he had resorted to becoming opportunistic with his sexual advances, taking my being in the room as an easy transition into having sex. I began working as late as I could every night just so I came home in time to eat and go to bed. But that only served to burn me out on work. My home, which should have been my refuge and sanctuary had become this place I dreaded and I felt trapped, both in my home, and in my desire to escape the marriage. I felt like I must have been the most sorry person there ever was, knowing that all I had to do to improve things even just a little was to try to have sex and then he would have felt affirmed and loved. I just couldn’t do it. I had long begun fantasizing about finding a male straight friend that I could establish a bromance with, knowing that would never be enough as I’d eventually want a relationship. I recently moved
D to Hawaii with my husband, desperate to get out of the relationship but stuck because he had begun threatening to tell the military, (I’be been in the Air Force for 13 years as of this year) he threatened to tell them that I was abusing him so I would get in trouble and get kicked out. I didn’t want his malicious reports to marr my reputation and good name, and I had been working hard to be able to get to 20 years so I could earn my military retirement. One night he taunted me and threatened me for 8 hours, when I finally got away I called the police. With their help, I was able to get him to leave. Now we are separated and he is back in Florida as I am living in Hawaii. Of all the strange things, I should be feeling happy because I’m safe now, but to be honest, though I am happy I feel safe now, I’m even happier that I no longer have to be someone I am not. After four years of a relationship/marriage and repressing who I really was, this huge weight has been lifted off my chest and I finally feel like I can be who I really am. I don’t regret my failed marriage, because with each complaint my husband delivered, i had to source the validity of his claims and fine-tune just why his complaints were true. Each time, I uncovered more and more of my truth and began shedding pieces of my facade until my truest form was self-evident towards the end of my marriage. I felt guilty that I no longer was willing to have sex with my husband, but I didn’t want to reward his belligerent behavior with sex, especially as it did nothing for me. Now that we are separated (since June of this year), I’ve been liberated to begin living a balanced life. But I still felt broken even after our split, and began researching low sex drive, nonexistent sex drive and variations thereof. I even looked at low testosterone as a culprit. Then I stumbled on an asexual dating website three days ago. And in researching more on asexuality, I discovered this dating website too. The stories I read, the profiles I kept saying lept off the page at me! I was reading my life, my desires, my strange sexual limitations and desire for non-sexual long term relationships on someone else’s profile. I felt like I’d found a dating website for bromances, womances, and straight sexless dating. Knowing about asexuality and the spectrum of asexuality as a third sexual orientation has normalized everything I have ever been thought or been told was wrong with me. This website has changed my life! In as little as three days I have never felt so affirmed, or normal! The feeling I have is nothing short of absolute elation! For the first time in my life, I have real hope that I can find true love and life-long companionship without the expectation for sexual contact to keep it together, but true friendship and pure intimacy as its foundation. I have gone from feeling broken, to feeling like I might be exactly who someone on here has Been looking for his entire life. I have so much love to give a man, I’m hoping he’s out there!

[DJ]

Hi, I’m DJ. I actually found this site thanks to an asexual page on Facebook. I think I knew my gender before I knew my sexuality. I always felt male so I knew I had to transition. I was in denial about everything because the world doesn’t really give us much in the ways of gender/sexuality education. I finally started to question myself when I started to transition and was in a relationship with a trans woman. I knew I liked women. This was never a question. However, I didn’t really feel sexual desire. My sex drive was also really low which caused issues. There is a lot of soul searching I did. In terms of genitals, thinking I didn’t like sex because of that but once I realised that was easily fixed, I thought “cool I can have sex” but it didn’t really matter. If that makes sense. I struggled with attraction for a while. I thought I was straight because I didn’t feel attraction towards men but I didn’t really feel it for women either. Or anyone really. I stumbled onto a Tumblr blog about asexuality. The blog answered asks and had a lot of content/education. I started to read other people’s stories and the answers the blog gave people. I quickly realised, I’m not broken. There’s nothing wrong with me. It broke it down. I learned about different forms of attraction which made me realise that I liked men too. It made me realise that you don’t need to experience sexual attraction to have sex and that there are many different forms. If I find a partner whose sexual, I can deal but honestly, I can go without sex cause it’s not something I need or want. It’s been hard finding someone who is not only okay with me being transgender but also someone okay with me being ace, panromantic (I’m romantically attracted to anyone regardless of gender identity and/or expression) and me being disabled (I have spinal issues and chronic pain from those spinal issues and nerve issues). I’m happy I found this site and hopefully I can find someone finally. ^_^

[Michaela Anne]

Hello!
I’m Michaela, I’ve pretty much always known I wasn’t interested in sex nor a relationship where having sex was expected for it to be considered an intimate relationship. However, I only discovered the term about 2-3 years ago and truly had a way to express how I felt about relationships. I’m interested in a relationship with a man or woman, though I’ve found that as I’ve gone through the roller-coaster of life, I’ve been leaning more towards women.
My asexuality has impacted my life in an interesting way; sometimes it makes me feel like I’m strange and there’s nobody else like-minded, and other times it helps me love myself more. Finding this community, I hope, will help. My family, however…isn’t entirely understanding of my identity/orientation. Due to some health issues, my Mother has taken it upon herself to tell me that I’m not asexual and not interested in a platonic relationship with either a man or woman, and has tried to convince me that my asexuality is due to body-image issues or hormonal issues. But I know this isn’t true and I know that I’ve felt this way as long as I’ve known was sex was.
I’ve been in a few relationships, all of which have ended on a sour note due to my asexuality, which has made it hard to accept myself as I am. But after long talks with my therapist, I feel I am ready to finally join this site and put myself out there. I’m not always the best at keeping up with social media accounts of any variety, but I’m really ready to apply myself to this and see if I can find a partner.
As mentioned earlier, I do have a couple health issues which I am in the process of taking care of. First and foremost, I am currently taking steps to try and get a breast reduction; I hit puberty early as a child, and since about 3rd grade, I’ve been wearing a bra. They’ve reached a size now where they impact every part of my life mentally and physically. In relationships past, I often felt that my partner was only dating me because of my breasts; they are so prominent no matter what I wear and they’re so painful all the time. The weight on my back and shoulders has left me feeling chronic pain, along with sleep apnea because they crush my ribcage when I sleep.
Along with my breasts, I do have an anxiety disorder, which has made it hard even to work a basic, minimum wage job. I have been seeing a counselor since my anxiety started getting in the way of my ability to work and essentially function in society, and it has been helping tremendously, both with my anxiety and with the weight I have to lose to get my reduction. I’ve been getting better, in small ways that delight me; making phone calls is no longer an insurmountable task. I can go through a checkout lane without feeling self conscious about what I’m buying. I can put bad interactions with customers and coworkers behind me, knowing that we’re all only human and stumbling through life. It’s no longer something that pounces on me anytime I leave my house; it’s something that I still must face and talk myself through every day, but the things that intimidated me so much that I would break down in tears no longer affect me so badly. And one of them is overcoming my anxiety to join this community to connect with people and possibly even find a partner.

[Dr. James R. Perkey]

Hi Everyone,

My first name is James and that is what everyone calls me at work and school, but I actually prefer my middle name, Robert. I will give you a bit of history on myself and hopefully some of you will want to talk to me.
I was a young when I started life. I was skipped a couple of grades in grammar school and so I graduated HS when I had just turned 16. My family sent me to East Tennessee State University, were I attained my first degree in Chemistry in just three years. I also enrolled in an active ROTC program at the time, which now I wish I had not, but we can’t go back you know. So upon graduation I joined the Army, and after completing OCS training was asked to volunteer for the Rangers. Being young and not well experienced, I agreed. Big Mistake! The next six years were awful, no need to go into all of that.
It was during this time that my sister had a son, while I was away in the Army and decided to run off to Canada with her, irresponsible BF, so I ended up adopting my nephew when he was five and I was only 20. We had some hard years in the beginning. I was always on deployment, and it was difficult to find the time I needed to be with him. But despite this, he has turned out to be a wonderful young man.
After leaving the Army after my allotted 6 years, we moved to Palo Alto California, where I worked a full-time job as a computer technician and went to school and attained a Master’s in Mechanical Engineering. I got a job with Microsoft and was employed with them for a bit over twenty years. During that time I went back to school and got another Master’s in Biochemical Engineering. Meanwhile picking up every computer certification that I could nab. I wanted to do the best I could so that I could provide for my son.
Just a couple of years ago, Microsoft offered me a very generous early retirement package, so I took it and am currently teaching/student in a PhD. Program that I attend classes at a college called Tennessee Wesleyan College, but the program is administered by Tennessee Technology University. I am getting my PhD in Networking with an emphasis on cyber security. I have a year and a half left, and one dissertation, and I will be finished.
That is pretty much all there is to tell. My son is now 25 and works as a forensic accountant for the FBI, and I have a 4 year old Grandson named, Robby. I am still kind of young to be a grandpa it seems, but I did get Ryan when we were both still quite young.
I am looking for like-minded people to form friendship’s with that are real people. Not those that are always looking at every angle they can follow to get something they want from you. I am a straight-forward person that has a big heart. I have just been missing that one vital component of having a significant other to share things with. If you want to chat, email me and we will correspond.

Respectfully Guys,
Robert P.

[Shih-Yin Lin]

I came across this term a couple of years ago I believe. I have never had an orgasum during intercourse. I thought I was “disabled”. To me, sex is more a service to the other person, but I do enjoy the closeness during sex. It grosses me out when a guy who I barely know/just met think of me/look at me in a sexual way. I think I am between demisexual and asexual. I really loved my most recent ex bf, but I was not physically attracted to him while he had a very strong sexual drive. It was causing us lots of problems. I was fine when I was with people who were not super sexual. Because of my experience with my most recent ex, I realized that I would be much happier if I could meet someone who’s asexual.
Best,
Shih

[Matt Dalonzo]

I want to start the Semi-Sexual category! I feel the same way and am going through dysfunctional change that cannot be cured with a pill. Would like to talk more if interested!

[Dr. James R. Perkey]

The road to asexuality was a difficult one for me to find. I knew something was wrong I just did not know what it was exactly. It has taken years and lots of therapy to sort of find myself at this spot now, and I am beginning to come to terms with it and understand it much better. Everyday is a new learning experience for me, and I continue on the road to self education.
I started out early, I graduated High School in the when I had just turned 16 and graduated with my first B.S. by the time I was 19. I completed an R.O.T.C. program and entered the army and in short order found myself volunteering to be a Ranger. I was always very solitary, and kept pretty much to myself. I had a field command and really only ever communicated to the men that were in my squad. As it turns out, one 8 year term, with 4 combat deployments was enough of the Army for me.
I left the Army and went to work for Microsoft and worked towards getting a Masters in Computer Science. As my career grew, I entered a PhD program at Vanderbilt University and received and PhD in computer science with a specialty in networking security. My career flourished but there was just always something missing, and I was not sure what it was. Try as I might, I just never seemed to be able to form the regular sort of attachments to others that is the more common place in society.
I identified myself as gay for a long time, but this was no where near accurate. The closeness that I saw my friends having with their spouses and BF’s, GF’s just seemed to elude me. So I had quite a bit of soul searching to do, so I began therapy. The first attempt at this failed and was nothing short of a disaster. Finally however, I managed to find a certified PhD psychologist and she was able to help me start to feel my way around.
So here I am at this point in my life. I have this knowledge now of what I am sure that I am, but am still somewhat at a loss as to what to do about it. Ergo, here I am, perhaps to meet and converse with some others like myself.
That is a fast picture of my background and what has brought me to this place. I hope it works out and I am able to perhaps, if nothing else, meet some others such as myself to converse with. Anyone interested in establishing a correspondence, please just send me a message. I get busy at times with my work, so if I don’t answer immediately please do not take that as I am ignoring you. Thank you for taking the time to read my spotty and short history.
J.P.

[Anonymous]

I guess I’ll participate.
I remember when I was in school and had no idea what to call it, i used to try and explain to people I never wanted to get married or be in a relationship because I knew my partner would want sex and the only way I could get people to stop trying to convince me sex was something i “should want” was to tell them i had a vow of celibacy and chastity. I really didn’t obviously, I just sort of always knew that sex was not something I wanted. I didn’t know what to call it though, until I met another asexual. That was four or five years ago. All they told me was “read AVEN”, so they themselves weren’t helpful in explaining asexuality to me, but just giving me that Link really helped me a lot, and I shall forever be grateful to them for giving me, essentially a name for my identity. So i can finally stop telling people I have a vow of celibacy, because that was always far from accurate anyway.

[Anonymous]

In the past couple of years, different sexuality’s are being more widely represented and talked about. I learned about asexuality approximately two years ago via tumblr. I wasn’t immediately drawn to the label (mainly because I still had a sex drive despite how low it was and still enjoyed sex), it took a lot more reading before I realized that the general description for asexuality was actually a lot more involved. Once I read into asexuality it sat with me for a while before I found that it does fit me.

Growing up, I could look at people and appreciate them aesthetically but their appearance or part there of did not invoke any sort of sexual stirrings.

Friends (I use that term loosely) accused me of being a lesbian (again it was weird being accused about my sexuality) because I never participated in conversations about the attractiveness of boys/men. My mum also…after realizing that I did not chase boys like my friends started making comments about how homosexuality didn’t bother her, again assuming that I might be gay. This was a kind of constant for a long time and no one dared asked me and they still don’t. I am actually incredibly private about my love/sex life unless people ask specific questions, at that point I’m not shy about it.

I am in my late-twenties and not have a word for what my sexuality is and it is nice to have a way to articulate it without wafting through an explanation trying to explain it to people.

[Anonymous]

I’m not quite sure when I first discovered asexuality. But I remember when I thought I was weird and that there was something wrong with me.

I hung around the boys a lot in middle school and high school, and used to skip just to play video games all day. I had boyfriends, and I always ended up breaking up with people after they started pressuring me into doing more than holding hands and hugging in the hallways. There was one boy that got a bit further, and I hated every moment of it. I quickly got the reputation of being a prude and a tease. I still loved all those people, but just not in a way they could understand.

After a while it just became easier to tell people that I was into women because for some reason in the midwest, that’s a more acceptable answer than telling them you’re just not into anything romantic or sexual. The bible belt is great like that.

When I got into college and hadn’t had a boyfriend for 2 years, people began to blatantly ask me why I wasn’t interested. I finally started telling people in the only way a true Oklahoman could understand. I would tell them that some people are into football, and some people couldn’t give two shits about it. I didn’t give a shit. So I guess this is when I truly discovered I was asexual. I realized there were other people out there who also didn’t give a shit.

It’s changed my relationships with people, big time. I’m well into my 20’s now, and most guys that I’d love to be great friends with call it quits after they learn I have no sexual attraction to them. The few people that I do manage to connect with end up leaving the friendship after they find a significant other.

Being asexual always makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me, even though I’ve accepted that it’s just the way I am. It makes life harder, especially when you’re surrounded by people who find the one they want to spend the rest of their life with. At times it feels hopeless, but sometimes it feels as great as fresh bed sheets, because I know that the friends that I do make have a meaning. They’re not forever, and they have a time limit, and you realize the importance of things that have a definite ending.

[jason logan]

I was not born asexual. I have always been attracted to women for as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis in 2013, which for me meant pain, numbness, and inflammation in the pelvic area. I have had to learn to live with it. Dating is almost impossible because I have little to no sexual response.

[Senka]

I recently found out that I am asexual.

All through my life I knew something about me was different. I’ve had crushes on guys but I never wanted more than just what most people call friendship.
At 30 I never had a real kiss nor have I had any sexual contact.
Just the thought of sexual contact makes me uncomfortable.

Only two people know that I have no sexual experience and only one of them knows that I am asexual. It is hard to tell people – even my closest friends – as it is almost unnatural not to have sex with as many guys as possible.
I don’t drink and the first thing people ask me when I say that is, if its because of my religion.
When you are seen as different and a bit of an outsider because you don’t drink, how will people react when you tell them that you are asexual? I don’t want to explain myself and justify who I am, so I take the easy way out and just lie.

This site has given me new life. I have finally found like minded people and when I write to a guy I know that there is no expectation of sex so I can relax and be myself.
I know now, I don’t have to be alone forever.

I’m happy that there are so many of you who are willing to share your stories. It makes me feel normal.

[Grace]

I’m asexual, but otherwise I like men. It didn’t occur to me until around the age of 20 – I’m 23 now – but I realised that I had never had any sexual interest in any of the guys I was attracted to or had crushes on. I had always thought of sex as something I would eventually have to tolerate, but as I had always had body issues as well as questioning my gender identity I just put it down to lack of confidence in myself. I never kissed or went on a date with anyone at school or university, and I thought to myself – it’s just as well, because then we’d have to have sex and they’d hate my body anyway. I didn’t realise I also dreaded the thought because

More recently, I started thinking about how to write an asexual character, and the more I thought about it, the more I realised that was me! Suddenly it was a relief to know that I wouldn’t have to struggle through whatever was expected of me sexually, because I just had no desire for it, and no sexual interest in potential romantic partners. Thankfully I had never had any of that pressure put on me by anyone else, only myself. I still haven’t had any kind of relationship due to shyness and anxiety, as well as simply doing a lot of other things I was more interested in, but I would like a romantic relationship, complete with physical intimacy and kissing, but without the sexual contact.

I do have a sex drive, but it’s relatively low and it’s satisfied without ever feeling sexual attraction towards anyone else. I’m not entirely sex repulsed, and I’m all about sex and body positivity. I just don’t want it myself, and I’m hopeful I can find someone else who feels the same.

[Author]

Posts