WHO HERE IS ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR A SERIOUS AND COMMITTED NO SEX RELATIONSHIP?

[Sandra]

Hi Rose, I understand you. I have very specific niche relationship needs. I also have an unseen disability that I manage really well and unconventionally, but it is far better for me to live on my own and I desire an LAT. Hugs xx

Never give up. I have seen quite a few aces that are into the gothic look. x

[Sandra]

Hi Socorro, ‘dumb look on your face’ – cute!! I am looking for a young teenager style relationship by comparison, but for life. Loved up and full off romance 24/7. But with independence and supporting each other’s business goals thrown into the mix. No sex, no marriage, and no kids.

[Sandra]

Hi Danny

That is acesome news. I hope it works out well for you. Let us know how it goes. They may turn out to be ace too??

[Sandra]

Hi Socorro (cool name BTW), this is great you have found yourself. I am very strong in my asexuality. I had an Indian guy interested in me fairly recently. But when I brought to his attention that if I had a boyfriend, the whole world will know he is asexual, because I am all over social media about being asexual and I do not date sexuals anymore. He wants to hide his asexuality so that was a major reason for him, not to continue to pursue me in this way. He has a beard anyway – facial hair is not my thing and he is older than I would usually like and getting muscles – really not interested in muscles.

[Anisja]

Well, thing is that no sex is obviously just one requirement, else we are just the same as others looking for a relationship – we need someone to match us in interest, outlook on life, stuff like that. Judging by what I have heard from single sexuals, they too often struggle to find anyone to build a lasting relationship with.

The situation for Aces is obviously complicated even further, and anyone who has lived for a while, very possibly carries traumas about, which make us wary. I have been in relationships with sexuals (before I understood my orientation, which took a long time to gain that understanding), so there are burn marks from that, but I also entered a relationship with someone claiming not to be interested in sex, but that all changed when we got together, and now I really am extremely cautious.

Our chances of finding someone to ‘click’ with, in a market so much smaller than that of sexuals, certainly do not look encouraging, and this might be why many try to organize life away from longings and dreams, and once those are buried, many probably are not willing to revive them, just to go through the pain of feeling one is missing something from one’s life.

[Sandra]

Hi Anisja

I can understand that. I don’t date sexuals anymore because I know some of them say they can go without sex and are not that bothered by it, but it is usually because they want a relationship with the ace and have really thought about a long term relationship with that person. They were saying it to fit in with what the ace person wants, (me in the past) so consciously lying to get what they want, whilst others have good intention, but have not thought about the long term practical implications.

There are some sexuals on asexual dating sites, some are honest about it, others hide it, and others do not realise this is an asexual dating site, not a sexual dating site.

I have been hurt a lot in the past, but I still won’t give up and I have learnt to love myself so much, that although I believe I have a soulmate and I would like to meet him in this lifetime, if I don’t, there is still nothing missing in terms of I have me and I also enjoy being single. I won’t give up but I won’t be unhappy if I am single forever.

[mari1]

I would love to find someone to share my life but is almost imposible

[danny]

Hi you are right sadly its almost impossible, i met a woman through a sexual site who is celibate and despite a promising few chats she broke off contact? she has no chance of finding other celibate people on that site its really odd that ace people carnt be bothered.

[Anisja]

She might live celibate due to religious convictions? Or morale convictions? Or still other reasons? Just because someone isn’t sleeping around while single, does not necessarily mean they are asexual. I have a friend here living with me, he is in his 40s, who has lived celibate all his life, but he most definitely is not asexual, not even demi. For reasons unique to him (and he can not even explain them, although certainly some insecurities involved), he has shied away from sexual contacts. For the last decade or so, he additionally has now also religious convictions, leading him to remain celibate (reason our friendship works, I don’t feel pressure, but he is also not relationship material for me).

That woman could be dreaming of deep meaningful sex with a partner she is still to meet, so crossing path with an asexual would not be her ideal of a future life together.

And just being ace does not mean one automatically wishes to pursue a relationship with another ace. There is still more to compatibility, and ‘clicking’ must happen between aces just the same, maybe even more so, as we lack simple lust triggers.

It is most definitely not an easy search, but many sexuals seem to find it just as difficult to meet that ‘significant other’ to form a relationship with, especially once they are out of their teens and tweens.

• This reply was modified 8 years ago by Anisja.

[Anisja]

I hope you will find what you are looking for <3

And yes indeed, many sexuals, I think, are lacking true understanding of asexuality. Many will not even take it seriously, and think in the back of their mind ‘oh, it’s just because he/she hasn’t met the right one, but with me it will all change and they will come to want sex’. It is almost impossible to relate to these extreme opposites of sexuality. I can’t really imagine what it must be like to be a sexual, so clearly sexuals will struggle just the same in return.

[danny]

Hi Anisja you are correct she is a buddist so that may explain some of it? You are lucky you have celebate friend, i have an ok social circle that dosent judge me but its taken many years to find them,i used to get tired of ‘friends’ in the past asking ” have you found a girlfriend yet? In a suspicious manner thankfully i dont get that anymore, female company would be nice though?

Dan

[Anisja]

I do not know much about Buddhism, but I think with Buddhism it can be a case of gaining control over mind and matter, so maybe that is the reason she lives celibate, to achieve some higher spiritual level, where she can control her urges?
Far out from asexuality though, and she may does wish to find someone she can still share sexuality with, just with a different understanding of it, dunno.

As a 1 on 1 individual, I certainly find relationship company very important, the opportunity to share life, just without the expectation placed on me to want and partake in sex.
The fact I was always in relationships with sexuals however, has me enjoy my current peace immensely. It has taken me a long time to understand my orientation, and to not feel guilt and pressure. Right at the moment, I can’t imagine sharing space with someone else, but still there is an emptiness, and the longing to share (can’t with that friend of mine, we are far too different, and we don’t share space as such, he is living next door). Very complicated o.O lol

[Anonymous]

Me here, if you can live with the situation i’m in, and judge me based on potential and not on first impression.
If you can accept all my weaknesses.

[Anonymous]

I think my biggest issue has been trying to find someone nearby that I can share interests with or who I can manage to get along with. Gender isn’t a problem for me, but we should be able to click. Don’t get me wrong I’ve made at least a few new friends through here, but whether or not a serious romantic relationship will come out of it… I just can’t be sure because unfortunately distance seems like it’s an issue for me. :/ The way the website functions in order to communicate with each other also seems a bit old school. Still, it’d be nice to find someone.

[Richard]

Still new to all this. I guess I am homoromantic or homosensual or grey something. I need to read up on the terminology more. I just know I want a loving relationship that involves cuddling, hugging, maybe kissing but not a requirement. Just a basic physical touch connection I have always wanted. Hard to find people that want just that. Plus just connecting on other levels as friends with some common interests. Still hopeful and looking.

[Sandra]

Hi Richard, there is a really nice homoromantic guy in my Asexualise Dating group called Russ, he lives in the USA, you may like him. He is also my Facebook friend and a very awesome. Caring, loving guy.
Sandra

[Tiffany Korrigan]

Looking here, but not super seriously anymore. I just discovered this site and am hoping it is the dating breath of fresh air I need. I used a few of the bigger dating sites and was constantly getting hit up for “a good time”. Guys, and girls for that matter, don’t understand my lack of desire for sex. It got frustrating trying to find someone that didn’t just want me for a night of sex. I sent a request to join the Facebook group.

[Anonymous]

It’s so refreshing to see that I am not alone on this journey!! I had to have a long conversation with my daughter just to try to put into perspective my chances of ever having a quality, committed relationship with someone without the pressure of sex. I see that word a lot on here. Pressure. I have been in enough relationships and know that every single one of them ended because of my lack of interest in sex. I do love doing things together, as a couple even, holding hands, building each other up but as soon as we walk in the door at home and the expectations come out, I’m pretty much done. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember and it has absolutely nothing to do with any type of trauma. Just want companionship, not sex. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but…

[Anisja]

I so understand what you are talking about. I never suffered any trauma which is ‘responsible’ for my lack of interest in sex either. In fact, I was very curious about it in my teens, just when it then came to happened, and continued to happen, I realized my ‘needs’ were different to those I ended in relationships with. There is no ‘better or worse’ with this, just a better or worse about the matching of individuals, based on their desire or lack there of, for sex. We, who are not sharing the more common longing for sexual contact within this species of homo sapiens sapiens, however can end up made to feel guilty/ill, and certainly can end with a lot of pressure put on us – which then can lead to trauma (I certainly suffered the latter *cringes*).

When I first found out about asexuality a few years ago, it was such a relief to see there are others with very similar stories to mine, and it does give hope one may can still find another to share all the beautiful things in life with, NO fear of walking through the door and being expected to ‘perform according to species norm’.

[Sandra]

Hi Tiffany – I just accepted you into my Asexual Dating Group for Asexuals Only. Will be great to see you there.

[Author]

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