September 19, 2018 at 6:35 pm #30555
New York area here. Sex? what’s that? 🙂
Relationship? YES!September 22, 2018 at 6:29 pm #30559
Well done for being brave enough to returning to the relationship/dating scene. I find it hard to trust guys because of past relationships – last time my ex played the guilt game on me I did to fall for it – or go back to him, thank God I am not are of him. He has been my ex now for almost 7 years and so I have been without sex since then too – Whoop! Whoop! To that! I have some great asexually friends though and 1 is my BFF that I trust 100% and that is rare for me. He is panromantic but more aesthetically attracted to guys so I am not his type romance wise.
I know what you mean about hurry up, I have been trying to find my asexual soulmate since 2014 – I won’t give up, but this year I am feeling more restless about this – like I would like someone now, more than before, but as no one matches my needs or I attract the highly sexual guys, the guys that are not really asexual, or the guys on the much more sexual end of the asexual spectrum, I think I will be waiting a few years yet!
SandraSeptember 22, 2018 at 6:34 pm #30560
Yeah, you have to be prepared to travel, at levstsome distance without your own country and to either be a mover or find a mover – it is tough. I need a mover as I love the flat I specifically live in.
SandraSeptember 22, 2018 at 7:42 pm #30561
I’m glad I found this place.
I really want a relationship, but without the sex.
I do like kissing and hugging, but most men won’t settle for that
September 23, 2018 at 8:43 pm #30568
- This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by Calliope.
Logging in after 3 years. Hello AllSeptember 28, 2018 at 3:32 am #30579
Fall in the demi category I suppose and looking for a serious relationship without intercourse. I’m very much a romantic and enjoy other other physical aspects (cuddling, kissing) of a relationship just not THAT part, which has ruined every serious attempt I’ve made to date.September 28, 2018 at 6:22 pm #30581
To be honest after spending so many years not dating for fear of being mocked or hurt I would like to at least explore romance with someone. I enjoy hugs and kissing (I just don’t like it when people take it too far without asking) and in all honesty I am sick of this idea that sex is the only important aspect of a relationship. I just want to enjoy some dates without pressure and see what happens.September 29, 2018 at 1:43 am #30583
There are lots of us. The problem is finding someone close to where you live. We should be able to search by geography.September 29, 2018 at 5:57 am #30584
Wow, and here I was thinking that I was pretty much a lone wolf in terms of the nature of the feelings that I possess. Had no idea that this was a ‘thing’. Glad to have come across this community. Seems as though there is a great deal to explore here…September 29, 2018 at 11:05 pm #30585
Wow! 3 years. I have been on this site for 4. Where do you live?September 29, 2018 at 11:08 pm #30586
Yeah, I like kissing and cuddling too, I am a hyper-romantic, so love romance.September 29, 2018 at 11:11 pm #30587
Yeah, I get fed up with people thinking sex has to automatically be part of a romantic relationship.
I also get fed up with people thinking the natural progression of any relationship is marriage and kids.September 29, 2018 at 11:14 pm #30588
In the filters you can search by country and city.
Hope that helps you.September 30, 2018 at 10:21 am #30589
Danny (kik – dantoko)Participant
i propose all asexual people move to australia where i happen to beOctober 1, 2018 at 2:55 am #30590
With all the spiders, sharks and kangaroos?October 1, 2018 at 3:28 am #30591
I love my home in the UK too much, and hoping the right asexual guy will move to live near me in the future.October 1, 2018 at 1:52 pm #30593
There is no kangaroo in big cities. You should be fine David.
As for me, it’s been a harsh silent journey to self-acceptance and I have pushed too many people away during the process. Living on my own overseas away from my family since I was 16 turned myself into a stubborn mess.
I lost good friends, lost a lot of relationships since I refused to talk about my problems. I am somewhat in a better place now but still struggle to find friends/trust people. Tinder does not work and I chicken out every single time. The fact that I am a workaholic does not help either.
I still hope that I can find my soulmate but the chance is so slim I can’t see it even though I have my glasses on.
#lifeOctober 1, 2018 at 3:37 pm #30596
“With all the spiders, sharks and kangaroos?”
Oh come on, who wouldn’t want to cuddle up next to one of these?
I suppose that this off-sets it, though:
October 1, 2018 at 4:13 pm #30598
- This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by RoadLessTraveled.
I appreciate you sharing your feelings in this way. I’m new to this community, but I have noticed, straight away, that most folks here seem to have really taken the time to take in, absorb, digest, and assimilate all of this, to the point at which they are ‘thinking’ and ‘feeling’ more clearly and with more depth than most others. May not seem like it sometimes, but I think there is truth in this.
You seem to feel pain and regret from the past relationships that have been lost as a result of your having pushed people away, and your failure to speak about the nature of the struggles in your internal world. Perhaps it’s that you were not in a place to really express what needed to be expressed at those particular points in time. Growth does tend to be a painful process, and while it’s happening, it does seem as though external expression of internal struggles is a very difficult process. And the ‘trust’ issue that you raise here is a HUGE one. Not enough space in this one reply to really cover it, but yes, truly trusting people is a big deal, particularly in our day and age, when most, if not all of us, tend to go around wearing masks. Being ‘real’ with someone takes time, commitment, and patience, and we must be honest with ourselves in asking, when exploring a relationship (w/ a friend, family member, or romantic partner), “What truly is the nature of this relationship, and how much can I share with this person?” With a few select folks, we can go deep, and that’s when truly profound levels of understanding can be reached.
In the vast majority of relationships that I have witnessed, folks really do seem to get completely caught up in the ‘feeling’ aspect of things (what we as humans experience as ’emotion’). Lot’s of infatuation and projection happening. Codependency inevitably follows, and it’s only later on in the process that the mind, i.e. one’s source of intelligence, catches up with the speeding train of emotion (compounded when sex is introduced). When folks actually step back and start ‘thinking’ about things, well, that’s when the red flags get raised. A sense of betrayal sets in, and profound sadness and anger are its byproducts. This happens at all stages of a relationship, and becomes most distressful and complicated when children have already become a part of the progression of the relationship.
“Tinder does not work and I chicken out every single time. The fact that I am a workaholic does not help either.”
None of those sites really apply to folks whose vantage point has shifted to that of the exploration of the type of companionship that is sought by those who classify as ‘asexual’ – and there appear to be many different gradations of this, which is not a surprise, as this abstruse concept called ‘love’ is a very subjective experience. And in terms of being a workaholic – feel ya there. I do tend to bury myself in study to avoid facing certain aspects of myself. And it’s an interesting conundrum, the thought of being in a committed relationship when work, study, and a constant desire for self-improvement are motivating factors. Just like any relationship that strives for depth, I believe that it comes down to a daily effort, running the course of weeks, months, years, lifetime. Whenever you’re ‘in it’, for a lifetime, it’s not going to be easy. ‘Compromise’ is inevitable, but self-fulfillment and personal growth are also of paramount importance.
“I still hope that I can find my soulmate but the chance is so slim I can’t see it even though I have my glasses on.”
I understand that you are trying to be serious here, but I couldn’t help but smile. I WANT to reply by saying, “then look with your mind and your feelings, as well as with your eyes,” but that would be getting into the ‘barf zone’ of relationship talk 🙂
October 1, 2018 at 8:54 pm #30600
- This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by RoadLessTraveled.
Yes, the concern-trolling I have had from (lovely, well meaning, absolutely stellar) people is the reason I wear a wedding/engagement ring at work and dread being asked if I have kids yet. I know it’s taken for granted but you don’t know what goes on in other people’s lives. And when you try to gently point out that your experiences may not have been 100% rainbows and sunshine THEY act like you told their kids Santa doesn’t exist. (Btw, he does exist. He has a ghost dog and is strangely spidery and answers to ‘Jack’)
The best I can offer is to have faith that you are being true to yourself. We all do our best, and sometimes our best means living to Tinder another day… or we find something that works better. (Once I took pancakes to my neighbour not knowing who they were or what they did, I was just sick of not seeing people. He was absolutely lovely and we had a great couple of chats. Did I feel brave or plan the advance? No, I just had a thought and ran with it. Other times I waited for months or years to tell people and it was never the right moment.) You’ll get where you need to get when you are supposed to get there. I hope that helps.
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