WHO HERE IS ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR A SERIOUS AND COMMITTED NO SEX RELATIONSHIP?

[Sandra]

Hi Mara

Yeah, heterosexual guys are easy to get. It’s quite sad that is seems like sex is the thing that motivates interest to keep conversations going.

Sandra

[Lori C]

Sorry to anyone if I missed your post and you can relate to my comment, but I did not have time to read everyone’s comments.

I think I may be the only 100% asexual on this site. I don’t want a serious/committed relationship. I never ever think about sex. I don’t want hand-holding, kissing, or hugs. No romance, no dates, no flowers, no jewelry, no chocolates (except what I buy for myself!), no children.

And it’s not that I’ve never experienced those things because I have. Two long-ish relationships, i.e., four years and almost nine years.

[Emma]

Me! kissing, hugging, sharing a bed is fine, but NO SEX or anything that falls under that category. I’ve had boyfriends and girlfriends but have had to break up with them to get out of having sex. I can’t seem to find any groups or anything where I live.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by Emma.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by Emma.

[Sandra]

Hi Lori

Thanks for sharing. Since you are not looking for a relationship – what particularly drew you to this site if you don’t mind me asking? I think there are others like you, otherwise I guess I would not have asked this question. Certainly there are other like you in my Asexual Friends Facebook group.

I don’t want kids, marriage, or to live with someone, even though I am romantic and would like a romantic relationship with the right asexual guy. I self-date a lot – take myself out for meals and to the cinema.

Sandra

[Sandra]

Hi Emma

I hold asexual meet-ups in my city of Exeter. My meets are used for socialising rather than dating and a lot of us are on asexual dating sites though, so if people want to date afterwards then that is up to them. Sometimes I have had biromantic women attend in previous meets.

Sandra

[Anonymous]

I wondered that myself Sandra (re Lori’s post).. the difference between friendship vs a relationship if there was no physical affection at all to separate the two.

Mind you, aromantic boggles my mind perhaps in the same way that asexuality boggles the mind for sexuals hah

Though at least with me I define the difference between a relationship vs friendship with physical touch – I’m not physical with anyone who I’m not keen on – so there is a distinct line that is easily identifiable.

[Susie Rackemann]

It’s the kind of relationship that I want, I’m not a sexual person, I’ve been married had 2 kids, but I was never into the sex part of it. I just want someone to talk to, go to the movies with or sit at home and watch movies, I love riding on motorcycles so if you have one, that’s a plus. I’m 55, yeah I know I old, but I’m don’t act 55, I would love to meet someone 50 or so. I love animals, I don’t like large crowds, I don’t drink, I have but not anymore and I don’t smoke , but I did and I quit. I love the beach. I love old time rock n roll and some good country music. I’m more comfortable around men than women, I am looking for a man by the way. I live in Indianapolis, Indiana.
Hit me up if you want to talk.

[Sandra]

Hi Druid, yeah, I like that about you. I hope I can find a heteroromantic guy like that, but most asexuals guys I speak to who I may be interested in romantically, they seem to be chatting a lot of women up and it is hard to know where their boundaries are and so it puts me off them. I need a guy who has boundaries in place with other women, so I can trust him and them. Also, I like to be the one they choose, rather than being just one of the many or a convenience. I also find that not many of them speak first, and it’s usually me keeping the chatting going, even time, and I don’t want that so I just stop as there is no point in having a one way relationship with me doing all the work. I want that person to be actively interested in me.

I would never be in bed with a person who is just my friend. I would never kiss a friend on the lips. I would never sensually touch a friend or anything physical like that at all. I am fiercely monogamous. I will hug a person who is a friend to say goodbye to them if they are conformable with that and to sometimes say hello if I have not seen them in a while. With my female friends I may hug them more if they are upset – I am only attracted to guys romantically. And years ago, I would not even do that, I had to learn how to be a huggy person.

Although aromantics are all different, from the aromantics I know, and what I have learnt, with an aromantic relationship, sometimes their hug is equivalent to our kissing, or physical touching in a relationship – that is their intimacy. And without that, it would be a deeper friendship than what they had usually with others.

Sandra

[Naes]

I don’t usually participate in these conversations, but wanted to chime in in hopes I would give others some hope too. After just one day of paying for this site, I found the love of my life here. I’m beyond thankful for her. She is more than I could have ever dreamed of. I honestly didn’t know someone so wonderful existed. It’s crazy that I’ve found the one I’ve been looking for my whole life. Those that want forever, do not give up and do not get frustrated. That person is out there for you.

[Sandra]

Wow Naes, that is awesome – thanks. I know I have a soul mate, he will show up one day no doubt. Have a beautiful relationship and thanks so much for your inspiring post.

[Robert Educate]

I am looking for the sort of asexual relationship where there is absolutely no expectation of actually having sex. I am okay with kissing and touching but I am not really a sexual person at all. I am 100% committed to finding someone with whom we can connect on all levels except sexual because it’s just not applicable for me.

[Sandra]

Hi Robert

I just messaged you to welcome you to the site, before I saw your reply here. (Your smile captured my attention – it’s really nice.)

Yeah, I adore kissing but hate sex for me personally – had it, and no more! Before I knew I was ace.

Touching is a weird thing for me some places are okay if in a committed relationship and some places are not. I don’t like touching a guy down below, but his chest and nipples fine. But in terms of receiving, I am the opposite.

to kiss a guy full on with no sex, who I was highly aesthetically attracted to, would be my bliss!

Sandra

[Jaygo]

is that even possible in 2018

[Elyse]

*raises hand*

Love and romance is super important to me. Unfortunately, I’ve all but given up on it at this point, because it seems like the most common way people meet these days is sex first, love later. And that will certainly not fly with me.

That’s largely why I’m here, but I seem to see the same problems you do, Sandra. I tend to try to talk to one person at a time. But it doesn’t seem like that’s the case with some other people.

[Anonymous]

Pick me pick me! Lol. But yeah it’d be awesome.

[Sandra]

Yes Jaygo it is entirely possible for two Asexuals to have a romantic relationship without having sex ever. I have a friend who is doing just that and is so very happy. He worked hard for it though. Went to every asexual meet-up he could go to for months. One almost every week for about 5 months. There is a person in my Asexual Perspectives book who has been with her asexual partner for 4 years so I know it is possible.

[Sandra]

Hi Elyse, yeah. Thanks for relating.

I haven’t got time for game playing either. I like someone who is genuine, thoughtful and caring, and who wants me in his life because I am super important to him.

Sandra

[Niki]

I’m totally with you on wanting to find someone special one day to be with… But, I’m also very demi-romantic, so I know it’ll take a long time before I find a special guy. I’m not at all interested in any one I know now, so I just want to make more friends and see if I happen to find the right person one day. 😀 I’m a hopeless romantic, too, even if my idea of romance isn’t at all society’s view and even if I’m so seldomly attracted to people… It doesn’t blend well, but I just have to keep hoping I find someone one day 😀

[Sandra]

Hi Niki

Awww, bless you. Yes, I am endeavouring to make more and more asexual guy friends in the UK, and think one day that one may end up being the right one for a relationship. But more of my ace guy friends are not in the age range I would be/am attracted to. Nice as friends though, which is still fab.

Sandra

[Anonymous]

That’s really the reason why I joined this site. Looking for friends who are similar to myself or even a person who could deal with the fact that sex isn’t the most important thing in my life.

[Author]

Posts