WHO HERE IS ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR A SERIOUS AND COMMITTED NO SEX RELATIONSHIP?

[Meadow Rain]

Ariana, very creepy answer, the person said that they don’t like being sexually harassed by others and you reply that even asexuals on this site want sex..does that make it ok to harass people ? You are not an asexual psychologist and have no right speaking on behalf of others .if you are one of those people posing as an asexual please go off this page, we don’t need fake preachers who obviously don’t know what an asexual is.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 8 months ago by Meadow Rain.

[time machine]

I totally want a husband and a family. I just don’t like to have sex lol. Not really my thing. If I was trying for kids I would. But if someone said hey we could sit here and read, or have sex, I would pick the book each time.

[Meredithe]

Hi Sandra, It really seems like men are less likely to identify as partly asexual or purely asexual. From what I have observed in the community, the 100% asexual guys are also aromantic and seem uninterested in committed relationships. It seems like (from a biological perspective) having a sex drive (even at the lowest level) leads guys to seek out romantic partners. The asexual guys I have met who were also romantically inclined wanted some sort of sexual contact. Not sure how open-minded you want to be on a sexual level but you’ll have an easier time if you can tolerate at least low levels of sexual contact. One thing to keep in mind is that many asexual guys are demisexual – meaning that they can be attracted to their partner ONLY if an emotional connection is present – and maybe you wouldn’t want to rule them out (if you can tolerate low levels of sexual contact) in exchange for a higher level of romance and commitment? Again, from a biological perspective, men have higher levels of testosterone so it does make sense to see a higher ratio of asexual women than asexual men. I think one statistic I saw stated that there are 3 asexual women for every 1 asexual man (not sure of source). Not gonna lie, there is heavy competition for reasonably aged, commitment oriented asexual men, and oftentimes you’ll find plenty of young men on here because they haven’t had enough life experience to realize that they are actually sexual… So they join the website when they are young and leave once they develop sexual desires or once they find a girlfriend. The younger guys are also less likely to want a relationship. One thing to keep in mind is that the website acebook (not Facebook – http://www.ace-book.net) is more active than this dating website. But don’t give up hope because I met my significant other on this website – granted it was 8 years ago – but we are long distance and hope to close the gap soon 🙂 Even if someone isn’t from the UK, who knows, they might want to move for love (or you might!). I would only advocate moving for love if you are engaged or married but it is my personal preference for that level of security. But if you add up all the variables…1.) a guy who you are attracted to on a romantic level…. 2.) who also lives near you … 3.) who wants a relationship – who would sign up on this website… 4.) who is at a similar stage or age in life….. etc etc. you will run out of asexual male options fast. Also, another statistic (from OKCupid.com), shows that women who write the first message are more successful in getting a relationship. This is especially true in the Ace community where asexual guys aren’t as “macho” (and, not to be crude, but who also have less of an urge-driven, incessant need for sexual release from females). They don’t often take on the role of “pursuer” that you would see in the heterosexual community. I actually sent the first message to my significant other to indicate interest but afterwards you have to leave it up to the guy to show if he is interested.

[Sandra]

Hi Meredith,

Thank you for your detailed response, I agree with some of what you are saying, but not all. Some young guys do know they are asexual from a young age and remain so throughout there entire life. I knew I did not want kids of my own, ever, since 15 years of age, that has never changed. I usually always make the first move and message first, I am extremely proactive than most. I have also noticed that without the urge for sex, in general, there seems to be no urge to get into a relationship and pursue someone, to be proactive and highly committed to wanted to get in, be in and stay in a committed relationship.

Luckily for me, I have started to date an asexual guy from my own Asexualise Dating group on Facebook who wants the same things as me. He does not want sex, and has no urge or drive for it. He is romantic beyond belief, he is crazy about me, always wanting to message and talk to me. He wants a relationship with me, but I am waiting until I meet him in person to finalise that – he is coming to see me from London, in the UK, in November. We are both hyper-romantics and love passionate kissing. We had a 6 hour Skype date on Saturday. He does not want marriage or kids, and is happy to live on his own, as he had done for 11 years so far. He wants to relocate as he does not like where he lives anyway, even though he has a lot of friends. He loves theme parks and zoos and is amazing and I am one very lucky girl. I updated my profile yesterday to say I am dating a heteroromantic guy now. So although it is early days, you can get the person of your dreams and never give up. I have always found this site better for dating than ace-book.net, but my own group is even better for meeting that special one. Someone else in my Asexualise Dating group has started a special connection with someone too, so they are really happy.

[Meredithe]

Hi Sandra, I am super excited for you – sounds very promising!!! Wow, you guys sound like a great match and I hope you guys have a lot of fun and romance in November!!! Many blessings to you!!!

[Sandra]

Hi Meredith, thank you so much. He is an ace guy who is besotted with me and we do have a lot in common and a good connection, so i really hope it works out xx

[Laura]

I am panromantic and ace. I love the idea of a romantic relationship but really don’t want sex. I have never even met another asexual person in real life. Not that was out to me at least. I would try joining your facebook group but unfortunately I am concerned about some people in my life seeing that I joined. I’m not out to everyone. I think if I met some other aces in person, I might feel more comfortable. Like I’d have a way to prove there are others and it’s not just me.

My parents and friends are all really accepting of LGBT people but they seem to think we don’t exist or that it’s just low libido and we should go get meds to “fix” our “problem”

[Paula Packard]

Me! I want a male female with no sex! Maybe a hug or a cuddle but nothing more! Any asexual men from USA state of Maine or close?

[Shana Lessard]

I’m looking for someone who live in Canada or would want to move to see me. I’m asexual, had past experiences I wish I could erase. I’m uncomfortable with kissing, maybe it’ll change someday, I don’t know. I’m perfectly fine with hugging and cuddling and overall having some awesome time. If that speaks to you, contact me?

[Sandy]

I wonder if there are any men on here who would relocate and live the country life, have a normal committed relationship with no sex. Maybe cuddle and watch movies ( don’t even mind sleeping in separate rooms if needed) I do a lot of volunteer work right now and also a pt paying job (am disabled due to chronic pain) I love the country life enjoy flea markets, yard sales, fishing, gardening, animals, some walks, zoo and of course I have grandkids and 2 adult boys. It took me awhile to figure out there were people in the world who were not really into sex and that is why my marriages didn’t work. If sex wasn’t involved I would have been fine that is one reason my last marriage worked cause neither of us wanted to have sex but he drank way too much and that is something I won’t tolerate is some one who has to drink. Once in awhile is fine but not all the time. Just throwing this out there, maybe I expect too much out of some one, and no I don’t want some one who is older than me, maybe same age or up to 10 yrs younger

[Sandra]

Hi Laura, my group is close, with closed groups you cannot see posts, but you can see what members are in it and depending on your Facebook settings, people would usually be able to see what groups you are in. I have an Asexual Friends group too http://www.facebook.com/groups/acefriendsrus

We are real and not broken, so there is nothing to fix. Look how many people are on this site? They do talk rubbish don’t they? Just be super strong and say you have asexual friends and keep talking about asexuality regardless, don’t let them put you down about it.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by Sandra.

[Sandra]

Hi Laura, I forgot to say, try to get to an asexual meet-up if you can xx I hols them every few months in my city of Exeter, in the UK.

[Sandra]

Hi Sandy, good for you, you like someone younger. I hate people making assumptions about what age you are after, just based on seeing the number. I have a chronic pain condition that I manage super well, and I am just writing a Quirky Book about it, that I hope to have out soon. It’s call “How To Manage Fibromyalgia Like A Superhero Rockstar”, and I hope it helps a ton of people. It is an autobiographical, self-help, How-To book. And explains unconventional methods I use to manage it well and live life to the max.

[Anonymous]

Hello Sandra,
Is your face book group also for gay asexuals?

Thank you

[Sandra]

Hi Franco,

If you mean homoromantic asexuals, guys romantically attracted to guys and girl romantically attracted to girls, but not wanting sex, yes. There are homoromatic guys and girls in it, looking for a serious relationship.

Sandra

[Anonymous]

Yep, definitely looking for someone who is not seeking sex, and I’m not looking for it either. I’ve struggled my whole life looking for friends in general, and dating has never been something I ever really did.

It’s weird, but the aspect of sex in a relationship has actually kept me from really wanting to date because I know it would be a topic at some point. So, here I am at 36 years of age, and really I’ve only ever had one actual date in my life.

For a long time people who got to know me either think that I’m gay or something else. I know my parents have thought that a lot, and they have not stopped pestering me over the years to find a nice woman to get married to, but I just didn’t have that kind of attraction to people. Maybe I’m autistic but I don’t really know. I never had any tests done, but now I just don’t really have any friends in my life and am pretty lonely now.

I have my dog I can spend time with, but she doesn’t exactly speak English so having a good conversation and just generally hanging out with someone is almost like a foreign concept anymore. I would definitely like some friends if anyone wants to message me and anything.

Thanks,
David

[Peridot Flare]

I keep wanting a no-sex platonic lifelong friendlationship but people get confused by that.

Frankly, I’m tired of explaining myself that I’ve gotten to the point of ending convos with anyone who isn’t at least on the spectrum. Obnoxious, I know. I’m in an Ace Meetup group and it’s still hard to find people who are on the same page.

[Sandy]

Sandra I would love to read your book. I have chronic back pain degenerative disc disease and of course fibro been on pain meds for years but the pain is getting worse esp. the arthritis in my hands. Was in a car accident in June of 2016 and of course that did not help my back ( was rear ended) It helps to stay busy and if I could share my life with some one it would be great. I don’t want to be married, love kids , animals but I do get overwhelmed sometimes cause life can really be hectic and crazy. I am a very loving caring person who has been walked on too much so my trust level is not that great anymore. I am also like many just want to give up on being with some one-can’t seem to find anyone who thinks like most of us do

[Anonymous]

David,
you are not gay, whereas I am.
However I find something similar between me and you. Your commitment with friends which replaced dating… the time passing… the friends going away for some reason or another .
What could I say to you? Through this site and others (even if you had to pay for subscriptions) proactively contact asexual women and demi-sexual women …. change something in your habits even though you think it won’t work because it is unrealistic…. all the same start doing something “different” uncomfortable it could be: encourage yourself saying : “David, it is unlikely this new thing will work, and, moreover it costs me pains. But: I will do it just three times (or two, or one )and then I won’t focus on it any longer…”.
Good wishes
Franco

[J.N. Monk]

I know that I am. But I’m not sure it even matters.

I’m nearly 31 and I just had my first date in July. Before that nobody seemed all that interested in me. In fact, even now nobody seems all that interested in me.

People tell me I’m a catch. But that obviously isn’t true if I’ve struggled so hard in this area.

I’ve got my life together in a lot of areas. Got a good & stable job with a pension. Have a career as a comic creator. I have a wonderful roommate and a cool cat. And I can get around town with relative ease even without a car.

I do want non-sexual physical intimacy though. Like cuddling and hugs and stuff. Not so much kissing. I think I have a real thing about other people’s fluids that I don’t really want to push.

Sorry, my mind is a total jumble here. Just woke up and still not sure how to phrase this.

[Author]

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