WHO HERE IS ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR A SERIOUS AND COMMITTED NO SEX RELATIONSHIP?

[Kimberly]

I’ve never actually been in a relationship, but I would like to find someone I could be committed too without the sex part. I’m not sure where I lie on the romantic spectrum so I guess it complicates things but I would like to be with someone who is committed and wants to be with me and vice versa.

[Ariana]

Thanks Sandra 🙂

[Gerdes]

Hi, I have been in relationship with full on sexuals and not really connected that well because we had different values and outlooks. They always emphasised the physical and downgraded the mental and spiritual connection. I am on the demi-sexual end of the asexual spectrum. I am not sex repulsed but it is optional. The companionship is more important than any physical connection, which is optional. I am currently in a long-distance relationship with a companionship oriented asexual. I would like to make friends with other asexuals. I think corresponding by email or snail mail is great too and I like to visit other places.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Gerdes.
• This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Gerdes.

[Sandy]

Well I would not be on here if I didn’t want to find a non sex relationship It amazes me that scammers even get on this site,I just don’t seem to find too many men in the Missouri area.l always wondered what was wrong with me, cause I just didn’t really enjoy sex. had to get drunk. My best relationships were with friends, I enjoy the company of men when I know I don’t have to have sex. I love to cuddle- hold hands and maybe kiss but can do without the sex, that is one reason I don’t really date

[Ariana]

Sandy, keep in mind that there are some asexuals who are not sex-repulsed. Some asexuals do enjoy sex and want sexual intimacy in their relationships. Just because someone does not experience sexual attraction does not automatically mean that they are also sex-repulsed. Some asexuals will be open to sex because their partner is, because they have a libido (sex drive), and even because they enjoy it- these things do not invalidate their asexuality, just to name a few reasons.
I can appreciate that you have been frustrated with the men in your area who are focused on sex, I know it can get tiring when that seems to be the focus for some people in relationships. I am glad you found this community where you can hopefully meet like-minded people. Keep in mind though that though I’m sure there are scammers on here, that there are also people who do want and enjoy sex while still identifying as asexual.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by Ariana.

[Sandra]

Hi Sandy

Yeah, there are those I have met on here that are not really asexual. I also met a controlling guy too, but that was a long time ago,thank goodness. And you get the ones that say to email them, the ones that are probably going to say something like — someone left you some money, or please hope me — . You get a few of those!! I think the site has stopped some of those.

[Sandy]

Well I get sex drives but I much rather not have sex- could be cause of things that happened as a child and it is more of a chore not pleasure. I like guys who are in their late 40’s they seem to want to do things more than the older guys. I am a easy going fun loving person. My last marriage we were married 10 yrs when he passed and did not have sex but got along. I have back injuries and just don’t care I guess. I have had sex 1 time in 16 yrs and I was so attracted to this guy, but just didn’t want to always have sex. Maybe I am just crazy

[Sandy]

I also want to add I don’t want a marriage because I would lose everything cause of disability, back issues- but I do want a committed relationship and would prefer the person come to my state, I have managed to get everything paid off but if the right person came along I might consider relocating

[Sandra]

Hi Sandy

I understand you. I am sorry about your husband passing. You must miss him. You are not crazy.

I have recently had a bee seeing a heterosexual foreign guy, he is older than me and I only ever usually get attracted to guys much younger than me, so it is so very weird for me. I want to be physically close to him, but not have sex. He likes sex, and admitted he had a lot in the past with lots of women, but believes he can live without it to be with me as he has not done that for a while, apart from masturbation with himself which he likes and I have no problem with. I said I would never date a heterosexual guy again though and last night was the first time he called our meeting-up a date. We have been in regular contact since 23rd of June and I like him a lot and he likes me more than a friend too. But I am still keeping my options open at the moment as I always believed my soulmate is an asexual Indian guy – he is likely to be Indian. Plus, I have extreme anxiety around being physically close without sex, to a heterosexual guy. And he has to improve on some stuff.

Sandra

[Lukasz]

I will just leave my note that I am looking for serious and committed no sex relationship 🙂

[Sandra]

Hi Lukasz

This is good to know there is another guy also wanting a serious relationship. There tends to be more female that male asexuals apparently. I hope you find a good person for you.

[Sandra]

How is dating going with everyone?

I dated a heterosexual guy for 2 months, I think the fact he said he could be with me without sex, allowed me to overlook his many other faults, hence why I am no longer dating him as he is no good for me, and still I would much rather be with an asexual guy. Although I did not split with him for reasons of not having sex, I find it too anxiety inducing about the future and the possibility they could have sex with someone else, even though I did get up close and intimate with my clothes on and the no sex was not an issue during the time we dated.

[Tiffany Grisham]

I spent the majority of my life trying to pretend to be like everyone else. All I wanted though was to get married and have children. To me sex is solely for procreation. I have 3 children (25, 22, and 10) and 3 grandchildren (7, 2, 9 months) and am completely happy to never have sex again. After my ex left me I sought out to find why I have no desire to have any form of sexual relations and it took me several years to find out about asexuality. This is all very new to me honestly. For a while there I tried dating but the second they wanted to kiss or even pretended to hint at sex I was disgusted. I don’t really consider myself sex repulsed more sex indifferent. To me others are welcome to it but I want nothing to do with it. It’s more of a curiosity to me.

Anyway I would LOVE to find someone and may even get married again one day. There are so many benefits to being in a committed relationship but I can’t even get to that point. I can’t get even get to where maybe every once in a while I would compromise to make him happy. While I know I would be open and willing for a relationship I have pretty much resigned myself to being alone forever. I feel like the possibility of me finding a compatible Ace is slim to none let alone one in my area that I could actually have a relationship with.

[Dan]

I’m not in denial, but I am so hidden deep into the ace closet that I have difficulty talking about this sort of stuff even with other aces. Silly, ridiculous, lunacy, I know……and yet I’m told that I’m otherwise very articulate and expressive. I have been watching this discussion with interest but am now chiming in if only for a little bit.

Briefly, as it’s after midnight and I’m tired, so maybe I can expound later, but essentially, as an old fart (who thinks young), I’m feeling that it’s all now getting much too late for me, despite that old saying that “it’s never too late”. The one hope that I felt I did have got dashed by Fate. You see, on this very Asexualitic website, I met and grew very emotionally and intellectually close with Zaida, an amazing woman from Guatemala, whom I affectionately called my Guatemadre, or Guatemommy, even though she was much younger than me. Despite apparent differences, we developed a close, genuine, loving and caring relationship, based solely on love and respect, not sex. For several years, we’d talk and develop our relationship by email, Yahoo Messenger, Facebook Chat, telephone, and Skype. We had finally started planning to meet in person—she coming here and me going there—when on July 4, 2015, she died of sudden illness. That devastated me. Although an atheist, I looked up and shouted, in tears: “You can’t even give me this, for crying out loud?” I’ll spare you more details. Suffice it to say that after a lifetime of close calls and disappointments, this felt like the last straw. I thus despair of finding someone with whom I can have a loving, serious committed emotional, physical (as in cuddling etc) asexual relationship.

I used to joke with Zaida that I’d bet I’m the only man on the planet who would tell a woman that he’s the most boring “lay” in bed just to “impress” her (a sexual woman would find it “pathetic”), but she’d comfort me by saying she’d been looking for such a guy. Even though we never met in person, by her tone and movements when I’d see her through Skype, she’d demonstrate how sensual and physical she could nonetheless be in showing love. I’d say that “hot steaming romantic sex” to me just means cuddling and holding each other tight, and comforting and de-stressing one another, and she’d say that that’s what it always meant to her too. And now she’s gone before any of this could ever happen. Before we could see what could have happened, what might have been. Excuse the tears, but suffice to say, it hurts.

Without boring y’all too much, I’ll finish by saying that it all just feels like my relationships have generally been ones of “victims of unsynchronized passion,” to quote Ernest Hemingway’s love letters to Marlene Dietrich. [I knew of and related to that phrase for years, but it was mentioned in a recent episode of the TV series “Younger.”] I have had and do have many wonderful platonic relationships, but I want, nay, I crave, more. So much more. Maybe others have accepted life as aces and have found other ways to be and feel less lonely. I have not.

Anyway, I share everyone’s frustrations, more than I could ever fully explain, and it’s comforting to know that there are others who do understand, and that there is a safe space here for us all to share and vent. So that’s my story, or part of it, and I’m sticking to it. So there.

[Meadow Rain]

Ariana, I think you are confusing asexuals with what you want to believe they are. Do not preach here..You do not know what asexual is and are trying to preach what they are. People should be able to be on this site and not be sexually harassed by others claiming to be asexual.. does not help for you to say, ‘some ‘asexuals,’ want and enjoy sex (they are not asexuals). And you cannot even pretend to know what they generally want even if you study psychology ,although asexuals have been around forever the one thing you cannot classify them as is wanting sex. If you read the general consensus here, they do not.

What are you doing here on this site ??? You are not an asexual!

You are not an asexual especially if you secretly fantasize that asexuals want to have sex with you.

We would rather not have people like you here. this is like a safe haven for people not to be harassed .

People like you who are sexually harassing others by saying its ok if asexuals might ask you to have sex…
whats wrong with you !

• This reply was modified 7 years, 8 months ago by Meadow Rain.

[Meadow Rain]

Sandra why are you asking ,Is it for your ‘POD Cast’ …because this site is for REAL asexuals so of coarse they are here to have a relationship and a place to meet people to talk to…yes they really exist..

[Alexander Avery Jenkins]

Wuuuuut, actually use my membership to try to form a relationship with someone here? The idea never crossed my feeble mind before you mentioned it just now. Also, a non-sexual relationship between two asexuals. You guys are right, that seems like pure poppycock. I know me and all of my non-sexual friends can’t stand to go 5 minutes without a massive orgy… @-@/

[Sandra]

Hi Meadow Rain

Whilst Ariana should ideally not ‘preach’ like this and there are people who claim to be asexual on this site and aren’t. I would kindly ask you to please not speak to people like that. It is not nice and actually harassment in and of itself. You have no right to tell people whether they are asexual or not.

Although asexuals do not have the urge, or need to have sex unless they are demi-sexual – where they will feel sexual attraction after a strong emotional bond is formed, or Grey Asexual, where they may experience sexual attraction under rare or specific circumstances. Some asexuals do have a sex drive and some actually do say they enjoy sex as an activity to do. Although more don’t. This is my thread and any asexual on the spectrum is welcome here. You have a very fixed idea of what an asexual is and have no right to dictate this to other people. You do not own this site and I would kindly ask you to please leave this thread so that anyone here can feel safe to express themselves without fear .

Every one in this thread in welcome, and Meadow Rain does not own this site. You are free to express yourself and your thoughts and feelings here. Including if you are Grey Asexual or demi-sexual.

Sandra

• This reply was modified 7 years, 8 months ago by Sandra.
• This reply was modified 7 years, 8 months ago by Sandra.
• This reply was modified 7 years, 8 months ago by Sandra.
• This reply was modified 7 years, 8 months ago by Sandra.

[Sandra]

Hi Dan

I am sorry for your loss. That must have been horrific for you and I can understand your reluctance to look for another asexual relationship. All I would say is that, you still deserve to be loved and have a good relationship. The past cannot be changed, but you should not let the past stop you from enjoying the present and looking to the future.

I was recently not treated well be a guy I was dating, and although it is different, as that girl was wonderful and special to you, you are okay to move forward and think it was not meant to be. I am taking my time to heal from that, but will not let it stop me from finding a no sex, asexual relationship, with a guy in the future.

[Meadow Rain]

Rachel there are many normal respectful people, Asexual or not who would respect your boundaries ..remember that even sexual people don’t always want to have sex and some wait months or even years before feeling comfortable or even trusting towards others and they can always say no whenever they want. As an Asexual you have a right to be involved emotionally as much as the next person. If you feel like you should tell people you are asexual you don’t have to. There are a lot more extremely inconsiderate people even some with diseases who don’t care enough to tell others they are physically involved with.
You have the right to go out and seize the day, you only live once.

[Author]

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