WHO HERE IS ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR A SERIOUS AND COMMITTED NO SEX RELATIONSHIP?

[Sandra]

Hi David

Thanks for sharing.There is nothing wrong with you i terms of not feeling sexual attraction, you are asexual and that is a great thing. And 36 is still not middle aged, it’s young, 50 is middle aged in terms of birth certificate age, but age is a stat of mind. Some asexuals are autistic too and can still find love I am sure.

I have known I have a soulmate since 10 and I have been on this site since 2014, and I finally found him recently in my own http://www.facebook.com/groups/acexualisedating group. I also have a friends group http://www.facebook.com/groups/acefriendsrus And I just got a PM from someone this morning saying he actually found someone suitable for a relationship in it,and thanking me, even though it is to make friends rather than date. If you want to join them.

Sandra

[Sandra]

Hi Axey

Join my friends group and create a post about what you are looking for http://www.facebook.com/groups/acefriendsrus – It is not used for dating as such, but you are welcome to post about your situation and see if anyone can relate and maybe be interested. I also have a dating group but there are more romantics in it http://www.facebook.com/groups/acexualisedating

Sandra

[Sandra]

Hi Sandy

That sounds a lot of pain with everything that has happened to you, I am really sorry to read this. Hugs xxx I find most people who take meds get worse problems. I don’t take any meds for Fibro, and manage it super unconventionally to reduce my pain and live a good quality of life all things considered. If you can just take one thing from the book that may help you, it will be worth it. I am adding a couple more sections to the book that will be super helpful and hope to have it published within the fortnight, so I will you know when it’s out. I know a few other asexual who want to get it too xx

I have an asexual boyfriend now and we think and feel the same and want the same asexy hyper-romantic relationship, so never give up. I am glad to have him, he is such a gem and soulmates are real. Me and him are soulmates and we found each other.

Sandra xxx

[Sandra]

Hey, J.N. Monk, thanks for sharing.

Be proactive in approaching others. Many asexuals are reactive rather than proactive, especially as quite a number are introverts.

It is great you have got your life together, so continue to be confident like you are in that way, but when approaching others. The secret is, other than being proactive and keep approaching people, is to love yourself implicitly in a non-egotistical way, be positive as that is attractive and take an interest in others and ask them questions about themselves. Also, look at improving yourself and the techniques you use for approaching others and how you are in a potential relationship.

I watched a lot of online dating coach videos this year to improve myself and what I was looking for, and I finally got myself a lovely asexual boyfriend in my own http://www.facebook.com/groups/acexualisedating group. I also have a asexual friends group http://www.facebook.com/groups/acefriendsrus

Sandra

[Jack]

Heya, I’m new to this site and asexuality in general, so please don’t expect me to understand any terms or acronyms or anything.

I’ve only really recently realised that I think I’m asexual. It’s one of things, you just sort’ve live your life and feel the way you feel and assume everyone feels similarly. It’s clear now that that’s not the case. I had a very long and comfortably platonic relationship for about ten years which sadly ended because my partner was not asexual and had wanted something more from “us” for quite some time. Then I had a devastatingly abusive relationship with a horrible, horrible, horrible person – but that was six years ago now. I’ve been happily single since then, but every now and again when I’m eating on my own in restaurants and walking on my own in the park I think “Gosh it would be nice to be able to hold hands with someone sometimes.” Have a partner, I’m thinking maybe a girlfriend. I’ve had boyfriends before, but they were all very sexually orientated. I’m feeling now that perhaps I’ve got more in common with women and it’s something I’d like to explore. Albeit, tentatively.

[Anonymous]

Howdy Sandra,

I’ll check the site out. I’ve been looking around here and it seems like not many people are using the forums in the groups and stuff. I just wonder how anybody connects together without some good topics of conversation, but I’m just not used to this stuff I guess.

Thanks,

David

[Sandra]

Hi Jack

I think you are in my group now. Nice to have you there and thanks for your support. The best advice I could get to you about asexual dating, is to get to know yourself super well, and spell out exactly the type of relationship you want from the beginning. So ask yourself do you want kids? Do you want marriage? Do you want to live together? What hobbies and interests would the person need to have? What are the things you must have in a relationship, the things you could compromise on and the things you will never allow or want in the relationship. Think about where you see yourself in the future, your goals and aspirations. Think about how much physical affection you would like. Do you like a bit of kissing, snogging, pecks on the cheek, nudity or not?

This is the advice I would give to anyone. Because dating is not just about you, but about who potentially might want to date you, to be able to see if you would be a good match.

Be proactive and not reactive. Check profiles and message people and strike up a conversation with them.

Hope that helps.

Sandra

[Sandra]

My asexual relationship did not work out and so now I am single. Taking time to heal.

[Winter]

Hi, there.

I’m not new to asexuality. I’ve known that I was asexual for a while, but I have never ended up in a happy and successful relationship, as it usually hinged on sex. After anther failed relationship 2 years ago, I have remained single and searching for someone to share my life with.

[Sandy]

I understand totally Winter. I have been married 3 times and sex was no fun a chore for me. Had to get drunk to even do it. I thought I was broken. My last one worked cause we didn’t want sex cause of back problems. He passed in 2012 and I have tried dating sites but all the men want sex and I just don’t want it. I enjoy cuddling kissing holding hands but not sex. This too is why I am single would love to meet some one who loves to laugh and cut up, but till that happens I will be lonely and single.

[Sandra]

Hi Winter, thanks for joining the conversation. I understand where you are coming from, in my past the relationships I had were mostly either abusive or they cheated on me. I had hoped the asexual relationship I was in would be good, but no, the ‘asexual’ guy changed in behaviour and attitude when I said I would not be getting my top off in the hotel room when we met. I am enjoying the single life for now, until someone who is worthy of me and my time comes along.
Sandra

[Violetta]

It is a strange question. Actually all members of this asexual site should look for asexual relationship (except aromantics). Even aromantics look for some contacts – relations.

[Mara Copland]

I am, but to be honest, I’ve given up.

It’s hard enough finding lesbians in this city to go out with, but ace girls who are homoromantic?

Good lord, forget a needle in a haystack. This is a needle in the pacific ocean.

[Anonymous]

Hello Mara,
The same for me: I am a gay asexual man.
I think that one point us what you say…..that is probability, the needle in the haystack.
But there is also another point: lack of commitment, of desire, of boldness, of enpathy, of affection, of need or at least perceived need.
So far the gay asexuals I contacted belong to this category,
If I am not wrong
Best wishes to you and yo all the asexuals. Let us be more warm and wise…!
Franco (frodobaggins)

[August]

I guess my question is where to draw the line between friendship and romance, and I suspect the answer is different for each person. I would love to find someone to travel with, do fun things, and eventually cohabitate, share finances, raise cats, all that stuff…. But I don’t know if that’s platonic or romantic, or if it needs a definition. Unfortunately I also know it’s like others have said–needle in a haystack.

[Sandy]

I think we all want to have a great relationship with some one we can live with all the things most couple want just no sex, There is nothing wrong with that. I can be around anyone but I want to date some one who does not want the actual sex and I personally hate to be naked, always need my gown on,

[Allie]

I’m also looking for a long-term relationship, possibly even marriage. I want that life partner (I guess that’s the best word), the guy who will stand by my side through anything and who will support and protect me.

I mean, I’m not entirely sure if I’m opposed to sex (as I’ve never had it), but a romantic and sexless relationship would suit me just fine. I might even be open to adopting children at one point and I believe raising a child would be a great gift (assuming I feel financially and emotionally ready).

I actually think I might have met another asexual person (a guy which I actually found sexually attractive in a way) but that relationship barely formed before it fizzled out – not even sure we were dating.

Still, I have hope and I believe that a relationship is in my future, one that suits my needs and desires.

I find that I want to live with someone else, I crave that sense of home that comes with the people that you love. I would like to have the kind of connection with a special individual that makes me smile and laugh.

But that’s probably enough for now, unless you guys want to keep hearing my dream about my future relationship via text.

It’s nice to know that others share a desire like this.

[Anonymous]

Yes yes yes. A super romantic, no sex, awesome, long term committed relationship with the right person would be a dream.

[Anonymous]

It’s always complicated. My way of being “proactive” is to join groups that do things together, like hiking groups or dining groups or book clubs, etc. I’ve also tried online dating services where the “what I’m looking for” categories include “just friends” and/or “activity partners.” But of course they don’t usually have a “romantic but platonic” category. (As an aside, I saw someone here complain that he doesn’t want a platonic relationship because he wants romance. I disagree with that interpretation. As I understand the word, “platonic” means much more than friends and is a love-based relationship, just with no sex. At least, that’s what Plato describes.)

I’ve now found two “aces” groups (this is one), but I just discovered them.

In any of these groups I’ve found it very hard to find people who want to be close friends (let alone romantic partners) without the sex. I did live with a woman I met on a dating site as “just friends” and I moved in with her as a paying lodger. Essentially, I rented a room but we shared the house. She was almost 10 years older than I was and got along fine as friends, but when I explored the idea of a deeper relationship she said that she would need sex to be part of it because for her it was a way of being emotionally intimate as well. So that didn’t work out.

So really, “just waiting for something to happen” is sometimes all there is, because everything else is so difficult and there is no established way around it. Perhaps the “aces” dating groups will work out. It’s too early to tell.

[Sandra]

Hi Eric

For me there is a huge difference between Platonic and romance – I don’t experience platonic attraction at all – I am a hyper-romantic and I behave more differently with a partner or potential partner. I guess I have different expectations and boundaries and I love a lot of kissing, holding hands etc. I could not be with someone who does not like kissing – and I like French kissing too, a lot, but with my clothes on. So someone who is aromantic would not make a suitable partner as they usually look for a platonic relationship – which I think is what that person meant.

Most asexual guys I come across that may be suitable for me, do not want a serious relationship, they say they do, but don’t act like it. I also find I attract the more sexual end of the asexual spectrum and they are usually too sexual for me. But with the way I like to kiss, that is my Grey A area – so I am between a rock and a hard place – if you pardon the expression. I am also not into travelling, nature, TV/Netflix or video games and such an unconventional girl and super into foreign guys – so yeah, it gets a bit complicated – and that needle in the haystack becomes even smaller.

Sanda

[Author]

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