February 3, 2018 at 11:14 pm #29388
I’m 52 and just wondering how many ACTIVE members are “older”…February 5, 2018 at 1:09 am #29396
I’m here. I should be more active, but work and school projects are eating up my free time.February 5, 2018 at 3:54 am #29399
John P SchindlerParticipant
I’m 51, and fairly new here.February 5, 2018 at 5:58 am #29400
Yes, but know ye this. I may be an old fart to some, but it ain’t over yet except for the farting, and I ain’t-a-farting yet. I am, however, in strict denial. As Dave Barry says, (1) You can only be young once, but you can always be immature, and (2) What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. So there. So who wants to know, how will this info be used against me, and for what agency will the inquisitor provide this information to?
45…51..52……Good grief. You kids are barely out of your teens. Sheesh.
February 5, 2018 at 11:44 am #29403
- This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by Dan.
I’m so happy to see I’m not the only “older” person around here! 🙂February 7, 2018 at 12:23 am #29405
I am and yes it’s a young crowd online. Nice to meet youFebruary 8, 2018 at 2:41 am #29406
Almost- 41.February 9, 2018 at 2:15 am #29407
I am! 45 exactly that is…February 10, 2018 at 3:37 pm #29412
Yes! I few years older.February 12, 2018 at 12:48 pm #29414
Just turned 42 last week but I,m certainly up for meeting an older ace lady-certainly don’t discriminate in that department as I feel age is just a numberFebruary 15, 2018 at 2:05 pm #29439
I’ll be 45 this year.February 19, 2018 at 5:19 am #29473
I think folks here might find this short 10-minute YouTube video interesting. The “older” ace here (well, she’s 31) speaks wisdom in validating us whether we are in our 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s etc. I’m posting it to spark discussion.
QAC 55 – Older Asexuals: Coming Out Later In Life | Questioning | Trauma
happy Asexual Awareness Week! last year for AAW i made a video in support of younger aces. this year i’m putting the focus on older aces, because i genuinely feel like the asexual community in general does not do enough to raise awareness of and support for aces who older than the majority of the more visible, active ace community at present.
this video is first and foremost a positivity video that hopes to offer words of encouragement to older aces, but i also try to bring light to the unique things that older aces may face, including the desexualization of older people, the taboo of sexuality as an older person & how older aces may struggle with reconciling asexual identity with the identity(/ies) that they already had for years prior to discovering the word “asexual.”
i also touch upon things that one may find relevant regardless of age, such as questioning, coming out in a relationship and how trauma & other past experiences can be relevant to someone’s asexual identity and that’s okay.
last year i asked older aces to help support younger aces. this time i’m calling on younger aces to return the favor.February 19, 2018 at 12:36 pm #29474
Thank you to everyone who has replied to this thread! I’m glad to know that I’m not alone! And thank you, Dan, for that video! 🙂February 19, 2018 at 10:24 pm #29475
@ Dan. Thank you for sharing the video. The part where the You-tuber mentioned “coming out and rocking the boat” was spot on for me. In the past I’ve woven the topic of being asexual and asexuality into conversations with friends and their reactions have been mixed but one of the most common responses has been “why now?” I say why not now and if not NOW… when?
Conforming to the ‘norm’ of a heterosexual lifestyle throughout my early life was difficult. Within relationships I always felt as though I was an impostor. I dated boys/men and it never felt 100% right. I found myself aesthetically attracted to both men and women so was I gay? Bisexual? Nooo! Those didn’t feel right either and as a good Catholic girl I couldn’t be either of the two, so what was it? I remember hearing asexual in the news when i was in my late teens early twenties. It was tied to Michael Jackson during the molestation allegations of the 90s. I remember looking it up and finding information on asexuality in the DSM. You know, the big book on mental disorders. I was intrigued and scared all at the same time. Intrigued because the description on what asexuality was seemed to fit but scared because the celebrity, stigma and the DSM’s classification of it being a mental illness painted me a picture of a desolate life and put the kibosh on my ever saying it then. So I kept smiling. Kept conforming and telling myself straight was right- I was wrong.
(this is a bit disjointed, i know. I had to cut short because i had to pickup my son from Karate but I hope you get what i was trying to convey)February 26, 2018 at 7:58 pm #29504
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences, Sasa, Very clear and cogent, not disjointed at all. I, as do all aces, understand the feeling of being stigmatized and the fear of leading, as you say, a desolate life.
In the 1990s, I was pretty naive about asexuality, and didn’t think of myself as one. I recall searching the Internet for “sexual surrogates,” which I thought, under the supervision of a psychiatrist, would provide me with more experience and comfort level. But I was living in Minnesota, and sexual surrogacy was only legal in California, and even legal, sexual surrogacy was on iffy grounds legally as it bordered on being considered prostitution, despite its being under psychologist oversight and provided for education and therapeutic purposes. Plus, it’s expensive. So that went nowhere for me, as did various relationships I’ve had since.February 26, 2018 at 8:35 pm #29505
@Sasa: Whoa! I had no idea that asexuality was listed in the DSM! It’s classified as a mental illness???
@Dan: I’ve never heard of “sexual surrogates” before!February 26, 2018 at 10:31 pm #29506
Asexuality is OFFICIALLY not a disorder, according to the APA. It is not recognized as a mental illness or disorder in the DSM. (Although I think it once was, if memory serves)
February 26, 2018 at 10:43 pm #29508
- This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by Dan.
@Dan: Thank goodness! I’m disordered enough! LOLFebruary 27, 2018 at 9:10 pm #29511
Yep tryv70. Asexual for over 20 years. Actually wanted to be much earlier, when i was very young i hated what i had between my legs. Had never seen a naked female so was nothing to do with feeling feminine. I never have done but well, life changes and seems to go full circle. Now back to loving females but no sexual interest.March 9, 2018 at 6:16 pm #29563
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