Hardly A Hive of Activity

[Jack]

I went out on a limb and signed up to this website and I admit, I didn’t do much shopping around first.

I’ve since spoken to some other Aces on Facebook and they also were on here once and came to the conclusion that it was a total waste of time as it’s dead as a door nail. I like checking facts, so I thought I’d pop by the forums and see how dead or alive the place is. The most recent interaction on here was a WEEK ago. A flipping week??

I think I’ve made a big mistake signing up to this site without fully realising that the place is pretty devoid of life. I suppose the next thing I need to do is try and get my money back.

Is there anyone alive out there?

[Andrea]

…*crickets*

[Sandra]

Hi Jack, I am out here. More people tend to participate in the forums than anywhere else. And the other secret it to keep being proactive yourself, and keep messaging people, although some people only message a couple of time then disappear.

[Sandra]

In also hold asexual meet-ups about every 3 months in the UK, in my city of Exeter, a couple of people stay in a hotel and I meet up with them the day before the meet.

[Kylee Whitehill]

I was seeing the same thing, but like Sandra said, I’m trying to be proactive on here…I’m really wanting to meet fellow asexuals!

[Franco]

I messaged quite a lot of members(men, I am gay) but most did not reply and the others after a couple of messages disappeared , as Sandra says….
Sad, but it is my experience

[Anonymous]

I tought myself to not try to force myself on others because of how people used to react if i take initiative. I’m afraid a lot of people think similar to me. So nothing happens at all.

[Lori C]

Isn’t part of the problem simply that there aren’t that many Aces?

[Andrea]

I wonder if being Ace is also correlated to be introverted? I know I am. If it’s true, that might explain the crickets. Any really extroverted Aces out there?

[Sandra]

Hi Andrea

Yes, I am an extrovert asexual. It would see there are a lot more asexuals who are introvert than extrovert. I have some introvert tendencies in the sense I spend a lot of time on my own working on my business stuff, but I still need to get out and about every 3/4 days. And I will approach asexual guys on here and other sites, for both asexual meet-ups, and any I am interested in more than that – for a potential relationship. Many don’t reply, or stop replying. I won’t give up, but also focusing on my career at the moment.

Sandra xx

[Rafael]

I guess most asexuals don’t know they are asexual since this orientation is not recognized by society. I guess one of the reasons is that most asexuals learn to have sexual relationships and just pretend to be heterosexual.

I noticed I was asexual when I didn’t react to anything back when I was 14-15 years old while all my friends were busy with porn. It’s true that asexuals are certainly a minority but unlike homosexuals our lack of drive makes us relatively “invisible”.

I don’t think that asexuality has any relationship with being introverted. I do not consider myself introverted, in fact I don’t think that people can be so easily categorized as either “introverted” or “extroverted”.

[Lori C]

Rafae1 –

“I guess one of the reasons . . . just pretend to be heterosexual.

Don’t forget that some women … just pretend to be homosexual. And it may not be that they are pretending or even subconsciously pretending, but they simply don’t know because they don’t have that drive or sexual attraction that would delineate their preference for men or women. I speak from experience on that point.

“… unlike homosexuals our lack of drive makes us relatively “invisible”.”

Not sure what you are saying here. Are you implying homosexuals are obviously sexual? Or obviously homosexual?

I agree that SOME people cannot be easily classified as introverted or extroverted, but those people that know they are one or the other definitively know.

[Dan]

A couple years ago, I had a brief email exchange with one of our most foremost experts and advocates Julie Sondra Decker (a.k.a. SwankIvy on YouTube) and asked her about aces and introversion. IIRC, she doesn’t think there is any correlation in the literature nor in her experience. Still, while I guess I should defer to her expertise, it still seems to me that there is a correlation. It seems that in nearly every (but not all) profiles on this and other asexuality sites, people self-identify as introverts. Friends think I’m outgoing and extroverted, but I don’t think I am. Then again, how others see us is often not how we see ourselves.

[Sharon]

I don’t think there’s a direct correlation, but I can see that sometimes asexuality and introversion can go hand-in-hand with some other stuff. Like, say, agoraphobia. Saw some folks in another ace environment who were agoraphobic. I reckon those folks are going to be ace and introverted, because those things are all part of the whole “just leave me the hell alone” package. But I don’t think that’s necessarily true of most aces.

[Meadow Rain]

Not many men here, but this group is better to chat with folks on the forums.
Also life happens so people write once every few months.
Not a bad group though

[Meadow Rain]

No most Asexuals are not introverted and certainly not a characteristic of being asexual . There are many other asexual groups that are a lot more lively, not many claim to be introverted.
It’s just that this is a more subdued group and people write when they can. because life happens. Maybe they are more active in life here.
I’m sure you will do the same.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by Meadow Rain.

[Tristan]

I believe you get what you put into something. If you want this site to become more popular, let other aces know to use it more often. I have found a lot of Aces to be introverts, which is understandable. I have also considered creating a meetup group here in my local area to find more Aces out there to socialize with. I love to enjoy life and I think there are other Aces out there that want to as well.

[Anonymous]

Did anyone say hive? 😀
Hi! *friendly wave*

[Tristan]

@Calmingrain, lol.

hello and welcome to the hive…or the lack of one.

[Vampyfox]

@Jack With such a good idea and unique, it is up to the people who run this site to market it properly, and considering it was an accident that I came upon it, it means they are not doing much.

Some of us here could post a link in our social media sites. After all, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Being asexual, doesn’t mean that is a permanent condition if one finds the partner being sought. And anymore, instead of being thought of as loose and ready for it, which seems to be how the general public are categorised…. to be the ones who hang back and don’t give themselves easily or freely, respect themselves and others more. To consider friendship initially the most important, even if not wanting anymore than that, takes away so much pressure.

We really need this behaviour and the asexual sites to go viral! At the moment it seems they are unique as I only know of one other, called; asexualcupid.com but that title sort of implies a love-life rather than a great friendship first or only.

[Author]

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