[Anonymous]

I actually agree with you. I find that I can hold romantic attachments without the sex involved. Unfortunately, finding someone to have that romantic entanglement is far harder especially most of the males i have found want the sex as soon as the first date is over.

[John]

It’s different for sure. If you can differentiate between what you’d do for even your closest friends and your significant you’ve already defined a relationship.

By their logic allosexuals would be in a relationship with every single person they had a one night stand with

[John]

It seems this group is slowly dying again…

But definitely everything about a relationship is more than just sex. I’m not sure if this is because of being an ace or not, but all of my relationships were better before the sexual pressure set in. I feel like this is true for everybody, even the allosexuals.

I just love the beginning of a relationship when everything you do is about just getting to know one another. Both you and you’re partner work together to get passed the awkwardness of being strangers or just friends and becoming more than that.

The first time you hold hands, the first romantic date, the first kiss, each and every one of those are proof of the extension of the trust that you have between the two of you in a relationship. It’s that unspoken (or I guess sometimes spoken too) aknowledgment that the two of you have gotten to know each other that much more.

Unfortunately I feel that sex has become the end goal along that path and the later defining factor of a relationship. So many people stop getting to know each other as individual, as cerebral and spiritual beings, and start judging success of a relationship by the quality of sex.

Aaand now that I’ve thrown away all my masculinity points, it’s probably time to disappear. I really do hope this group picks up.
Hope you all have a good day.

[Ani]

Hi,

Sorry for the delayed reply, but maybe what you are describing is being demisexual? It means you can feel physical or even sexual attraction, but only when emotional attraction exists first. Once that attraction is there, physical attraction sometimes follows ; so one can be not totally against sex but only see it as an option with people he/she already feels attracted to emotionally. I myself feel not at all attracted to sex in general, but physical attraction comes into being once I feel emotionally connected with a woman.

[Trina]

Awkwardness has been an issue for me for a number of reasons. I’m an introvert so interacting with people I don’t know very well is tough for me. But nowadays it feels like people expect sex sooner. Everyone isn’t like that, but it’s impossible to tell who is and isn’t like that. Even when they say one thing you don’t find out how they are until you’re both alone.

I also find that I’m attracted to people who don’t show interest in being in relationships. And I seem to attract people that I have no interest in. Or I’m afraid to even think about relationships because I’m worried about whether or not sex is going to be an issue.

I’m not repulsed by the idea of sex I simply don’t have any interest in it. I do recognize the fact that sex is important to sexual men. But it’s really frustrating how a lot of them simply expect it without bonding or building trust and familiarity first.

[Author]

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