I just joined yesterday and there is a serious lack of chatting around here!
So let’s use this group to just chat abut anything, what you’re looking for, what led you to join this site, what you had for dinner eight years ago….come on guys…Let’s Chat!
What is the biggest problem you face as an asexual?
July 31, 2016 at 11:56 am #27789AnonymousInactive
The toughest thing about being an asexual, for me, is…being an asexual. Not being able to go the whole way with men I’m interested in plays a huge part in all my love life failures. Also, I have tried to step out of the closet about the lack of interest in getting physical and everybody acted the same way as if I had told them I do not need oxygen, water or sleep to say up everyday. Most of them simply jumped into conclusions and take me as a homossexual in denial. So, what else can I say, it’s not as easy as it would seem from the outside. But then again, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.July 31, 2016 at 3:05 pm #27791AlleSpectator
I think that people who are sexual it is such a part of their lives they can’t understand how that is something that other people don’t need. I think the hardest thing for me is when I would tell a significant other I wasn’t interested in sex that it meant I must be cheating because they just couldn’t understand me or they would say every other woman I have been with can’t wait to jump my bones why aren’t you like that? And I would keep telling them that I am not everyone else so please don’t put me in a category with everyone else.
One day you will find someone who will understand you for you. But with not being sexual it means we are looking for a blade of hay in a stack of needles.August 3, 2016 at 11:25 pm #27799
Hi Alle and Carol,
I don’t date sexuals anymore, I don’t think it is fair to them or me, as we both have different needs and there is no point. Also, I don’t want to waste my time pursuing them and I put a quick end to any chance of being pursued – I get a lot of sexual guys interested in me and I joke with my sexual friends that if I was sexual, which I am not, I could have a different sexual guy each night, it’s not difficult to get one, but I am not like that. I had a newbie ‘friend’ on FB trying to start something with me only a few hours ago and nipped that in the bud, the fact he lied about being asexual and was found out by me very quickly meant we could not even be friends.August 3, 2016 at 11:27 pm #27800
Thanks Matthew for the illustration. I wanted to post it on my Asexualise.com blog but when I click through the link I cannot see this exact illustration? Any idea what I can do?December 16, 2017 at 8:38 am #29165LisaSpectator
Finding validity seems to be a problem for me. I’ve only recently discovered that I’m asexual, and ever since then it’s been hard to tell people because not many people are supportive. I’ve only told a total of four people close to me that I’m asexual, and out of the four only one of them was understanding and supportive, and that’s because she was a therapist. When I told my dad, he immediately jumped to the conclusion that something was wrong with me and that I needed medication. When I told my best friend, she didn’t believe me and said that I probably just didn’t find the right person yet. When I told my other friend, he thought I was weird. So I guess it’s really hard to find validity as an asexual and I’ve decided it might just be better to keep it to myself.December 23, 2017 at 1:41 am #29202starstheylevitateParticipant
Finding other aces, having a romantic non sexual relationship, i feel aloneJanuary 27, 2018 at 7:49 pm #29347Sam S.Spectator
As many have said, finding other aces is a challenge but beyond that… being recognized. I explain that I am asexual and people just flat out don’t believe it’s a thing and encourage me to search out that magic dick that will cure me.January 27, 2018 at 8:57 pm #29349
I am sorry to read this. I am proud of you for coming out, stay strong and don’t back down with who you are, they will get fed up with it eventually and if they don’t it’s their problem, not yours, it is a reflection on them that they can’t accept anything that which is different to themselves. Don’t let them overshadow you, the strongest voice wins – make sure its yours. You have the right to be heard and taken seriously!
I had two people who did not believe me in the beginning, took them a year, I just became stronger in the way I spoke about it, (I was weak in the beginning) and this strength acts as like a force field around you. And I kept going on and on about it, about how I was speaking to asexuals online, how I was on asexual dating sites, how there are thousands of asexuals around the globe, and I also started my own asexual meet-ups, so if you get the chance to travel to a meet up then gofer it as it is empowering. My next one is next weekend and I am super looking forward to it!
SandraJanuary 27, 2018 at 8:59 pm #29350
Yeah, I agree it is tough, as compatibility is always an issue. Don’t give up in finding the right asexual for you.
SandraJanuary 27, 2018 at 9:02 pm #29351
Hi Sam S.
Magic Dick theory – yeah one of my interviewees talks about that in my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories book, it is horrid. I think the people who say about this, must have theirs stuck to their head!(Pardon me for being rude!)
SandraJanuary 27, 2018 at 11:43 pm #29352Sam S.Spectator
Do you have a link to where I could purchase your book? I’d love to read it. Thanks for the reply!January 29, 2018 at 10:14 am #29358
Hi Sam S.
Sure, I would love to give you my link, and thank you in advance for the interest in my book. You can buy it through Amazon in print or digital format for Kindle here http://amzn.to/2DRsyrF Or I also have the digital copy at http://www.sellfy.com/quirkybooks.net
I would love to get your thoughts on it.
SandraJuly 22, 2018 at 4:09 am #30399AnonymousInactive
I’m new to this site and am still trying to figure it out haha. I think the hardest thing for me is that I always try to convince myself that if I just wait, the desire for sex will come. I know that asexual is a thing, but I guess because I’ve never actually met another ace (but plenty of people who claim asexuality as an excuse to cope with self-esteem issues or loneliness), I cannot really wrap my head around the concept. Rather than seeming like a normal thing, I think that perhaps I just have a low sex drive or bad experiences are confusing me. Honestly, even though I’ve joined this site, I still have my doubts that I will find someone actually interested in a committed non-sexual relationship. Also, I know I’m still young, so I feel like people will just see it as me being confused or attention-seeking.
~A.J.July 22, 2018 at 11:53 am #30402
Well I am definitely asexual and real asexuals do exist. I hold in person asexual meetups in my city in the UK and so get to meet up in an offline environment with others, it is fantastic.
I was also recently a speaker at the UK Asexuality Conference in London and the majority of people who attended were asexual, some I knew online, but met them offline. We had about 200 people attend in total.
But if you are not sure you are asexual then all I can say is you have a journey of discovery ahead of you.
I am very much looking for a romantic asexual guy for a serious and committed relationship but it is extremely hard to find the right asexual guy for that. I have male asexual guy friends who are also looking. 2 are very serious and I know them offline. One is in my city, but we are not romantically compatible and not attracted to each other aesthetically – just mates.
SandraJuly 22, 2018 at 2:57 pm #30403AnonymousInactive
I know they exist, and I know I am one. I am borderline incapable of telling a lie, so unless I can say it with 100% certainty, then I can’t say it.
For example, if you ask me if my name is Annie, I’d say yes. I’ve seen my birth certificate and know this to be a fact. However, if you asked will I be at the party tonight, I would reply that I am planning to be there. I can’t say yes bcz I could get hit by a car between now and then, and if I’m not at the party, then I’ve technically told a lie. It’s not that I seriously think something would happen to prevent me from being there, but there is that possibility that creates loopholes.
This is similar to that. I have no concrete evidence to support what I know, so I constantly doubt myself.
I think that if I met another true asexual in real life, then it would help provide that physical proof my brain needs to leave the technicalities and possibilities alone.
~AJJuly 23, 2018 at 2:07 pm #30409DanielleSpectator
“Asexuality is not real.”
“You haven’t met the right person.” (I haven’t been attracted to anyone sexually or had the need to be in a relationship in my 20 years of existence).
I found a forum online which men mainly use talking about dating women who “claim” they’re asexual. The most horrid comments you see…mind my language and I don’t mean to offend anybody on here. “Just f*ck her hard in the pu*sy that will help her out”. – This is why I haven’t come out to anybody no friends or family members because asexuality is not widely known. Plus my parents are not the most understanding of people, I tried explaining without directing it at me but it ended in failure.
The most common comment is that you’re a freak for not wanting sexual pleasure.August 4, 2018 at 4:34 pm #30438
Interesting. I see your point of view. However, you have the right to change your mind about anything, so if you said yes to something because you intended to go ahead no matter what, then it would not be lying, and if you change your mind then you can let people know. If I say I am going to do somewhere, then unless I am dead or dying, or severely ill and can’t stand up, then I usually always keep my word. However, I have accepted I am not perfect so if I was running late, I would message that person and apologise and explain. I find it annoying when others not only don’t show up for something, but if they are late and not bothered to let me know.
In terms of asexuals existing, this site proves we do. You, are proof to yourself that you do, you don’t need anyone else to validate you and your sexual orientation. Once you accept your asexuality more, other will too.
As for meeting asexuals in person, go and do that. Travel to an asexual meetup and then you will feel much better. I hold them in my city, but I am in the UK.
August 4, 2018 at 4:44 pm #30440
- This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by Sandra.
I think those comments are truly disgusting and those people are extremely ignorant and to a disturbing point of view, they are a disgrace to the human race. Not everyone wants to abuse people in this way. I am sorry you had to read that.
That sucks about your parents. Especially if you tried but did not directly aim it at you. You could try and say how you feel without using the term asexual, as in I am not bothered about sex, not everyone is. It doesn’t interest me. Logically not everyone is going to be into sex, as we are all different and like different things, and that includes me. It’s natural that not everyone willies and want sex, and we are all different.
Or just say you have asexual friends and keep going on about asexuality so they get fed up of hearing about it and give up being negative. Say, oh I spoke to my asexual friend in this forum, I phoned my asexual friend, I met my asexual friend, I read this asexual book. Once they know it is an essential part of your life and that it is no good arguing with you or saying otherwise, they will give up.
My parents were fab about it, but 2 friends it took them a year to accept and I just kept going on and on about it, and was so confident after the initial stages of finding out (- when I wasn’t so confident and made this mistake with one of them), until it was drummed into their brain.
Sandra xxAugust 6, 2018 at 10:34 pm #30455Dale L. MastersSpectator
The US is the same…if not worse.August 6, 2018 at 10:38 pm #30456
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