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What is the biggest problem you face as an asexual?
- This topic has 60 replies, 21 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 9 months ago by Sandra.
June 14, 2016 at 8:24 pm #27631
What is the biggest problem you face as an asexual?June 14, 2016 at 8:28 pm #27632AnonymousInactive
Actually finding other acesJune 15, 2016 at 1:45 am #27633AnonymousInactive
Remembering that I am asexual in times when I realize I am different. I know that I am asexual but I think I will always have that slight impulse that maybe I need to fix myself or have fallen behind somehow.June 15, 2016 at 3:18 am #27634MichaelSpectator
I agree with Jennifer Childers, some days I just wanna be like other guys but I remind myself that I’m different and its not a bad thing.June 15, 2016 at 4:09 am #27635AnonymousInactive
I agree that finding other aces is the biggest problem I face as an asexual.June 15, 2016 at 4:48 am #27637AnonymousInactive
I agree to that it would be nice to know that I had people around me that were asexual as well. I think it is possible that my problem of “Remembering that I am asexual in times when I realize I am different. I know that I am asexual but I think I will always have that slight impulse that maybe I need to fix myself or have fallen behind somehow.”is somewhat caused by the fact that there are not many asexual people around me in real life.June 15, 2016 at 12:48 pm #27640AnonymousInactive
I would say finding other aces…and connecting with them. It seems like even on this site it is hard for me to connect or stay connected with others. Though at least I have met up with a fellow ace from another site. Maybe I am just greedy and want to be everyone’s friend 😛 but I like to think of it as being enthusiastic…
Also when someone is romantically interested or am interested in someone. I don’t even give them a chance because 9 times out of ten they are not asexual and I am not keen on compromising when it comes to that!June 15, 2016 at 3:19 pm #27641
Hello, thanks so much for sharing.
There is defintely nothing that needs fixing as nothing is broken so don’t worry about that and I have had sex in the past and you are not missing anything that matters. I love being ace. I always love to be different too – so much better.
What advice would you give to aces who are trying to find other aces to meet in person?
June 15, 2016 at 3:23 pm #27643
- This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Sandra.
You are not broken and don’t need to be fixed, you are different and that means special and priceless.
SandraJune 15, 2016 at 7:24 pm #27644
I refuse to date sexuals anymore, so understand. Good for you.
Which site did you meet a fellow ace from?
SandraJune 30, 2016 at 4:21 am #27694KatrinaSpectator
I agree with what everyone else has posted. I really want to find a guy and be in a long term relationship, but finding other asexuals to be with is hard.
I also struggle with telling people. I haven’t really talked about it with anyone. I feel that if it’s a part of me my close friends and family should know, I just am nervous and it feels awkward to talk about.July 1, 2016 at 10:10 pm #27697
Thanks for sharing. I do think it is tough to find ace guys, I won’t give up completely, just trying to focus on my career now and try not to think about it too much. I am very upfront about it and very out, as I believe that one day a guy will turn around and say, I am ace too!! Let’s hope he is as romantic as me. That is the other thing, I like a couple of aromantic guys, but they just like me as a mate, which is cool, because they have different likes to me – trying to find the right ‘compatible’ one is the toughest. Anything is possible though.July 1, 2016 at 11:06 pm #27698Shannon Evy VernonSpectator
At the moment what is difficult for me is being really attracted to someone but not being able to tell them, It sucks and can make you feel so lonely. I’m pretty good at accepting that I am ace but at times like this it really gets too meJuly 4, 2016 at 5:05 pm #27701AnonymousInactive
I agree with all of the issues posted here, but my biggest problem is also getting upset at being asexual, as Jennifer and Michael have said. Sexuality in a magazine article or TV show/movie will remind me that I’m different in a way that most people would consider very significant. I feel left out of an important part of life.July 5, 2016 at 3:36 pm #27702
Are you talking about being attracted to asexual or sexual people?July 6, 2016 at 5:50 am #27703MatthewSpectator
Finding other Ace people is a huge issue… and just trying to date among the massive amount heterosexual women around me an running into so many issues. Most recent attempt I had this really close friend I was starting to fall for and told her about my asexuality and how it works for me. But I made the mistake of telling her that before I told her about my growing feelings for her. I found out from a different friend she was telling others I was gay… it was like she did not understand anything I tired to tell her and she simplified it all in her head.
When I did later tell her about my feelings she rejected me and told me she viewed me as unmanly and would rather keep me as a “girlfriend”. I still care about her.
This isn’t the first time I have run into issues like this.
In the last relationship before I truly realized I might be asexual I had an ex who kept trying to push me into sex despite my lack of interest and discomfort with it. She eventually ended up cheating on me not able to wait or try to understand me.
So these are some of the issues I deal with. People who don’t understand me or unwilling to understand me and end up viewing me is ways that make me feel like a freak at times and end up leaving me lonely.
July 8, 2016 at 8:41 pm #27714
- This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Matthew.
I am so sorry you feel that way.
Having been in sexual relationships in the past, I can say you aren’t missing much in that respect, and I do know aces who have found love through ace dating sites and even Aven, although it is not a dating site.
I have ace guy friends, some in person, but romantically we are not compatible, such a shame. I am upfront about how I feel though. I have never been in an ace relationships, but think it may be nice.
SandraJuly 8, 2016 at 8:55 pm #27715
I am really sorry to hear that. I have had the same problems in the past, it’s a nightmare. I try not to allow myself to have feelings for any sexual guys as I will never be in a relationship with a sexual guy ever again and make a point of not dating them. So my mission is to find the right romantic ace guy, or be single forever. Almost every guy in the past has gone of with another girl.
I have some ace guy friends I am really close to (3), and have romantic feelings for all off them in some way, I don’t wish to have feelings for multiple guys, because I only want to be in a relationship with one guy, preferably foreign and in his 20s – I don’t usually get attracted to British guys – however, I have developed romantic feelings of some sort for an ace guy friend (one of the 3) because we have become closer, but he is mostly aromantic and therefore not romantic like me and just views me as a close friend and I don’t think I could kiss him anyhow as I am not aesthetically attracted to him. I have not kissed a British guy since 2011.
I am a Heteroromantic Grey A, because although I don’t like nudity or sex, I love getting excited with clothes on and kissing, and that is just far too asexy raunchy for most ace guys! Not all – some will love to be naked and do everything but the sex, which is different to me.
BTW, hope you don’t mind me saying – I think you look gorgeous in your face without your beard and much younger than with it! I am outspoken, shame you live in the USA – but I think there are more ace girls in USA to choose from. So big hug and keep your eyes open for ace girls so you don’t have to deal with that rubbish! You deserve better. I actually hate alpha male types and traditional male/female roles. I am a career girl and like a guy to be emotional, romantic, and if he wants to write me love poems, that’s an added bonus!
July 14, 2016 at 4:15 pm #27727AnonymousInactive
- This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Sandra.
I feel that one of the largest issues facing Aces as a whole has to be recognition.
Particularly as a male person myself, the thing that I find most difficult is explaining the difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction to people.
It’s seemingly a minor issue on the surface, but I believe one of the most difficult things is that (UK) society grows around sex and it is really easy to believe you are broken. (You’re not)
Though I am in agreement with everyone else, finding another ace person can be difficult.July 24, 2016 at 12:57 pm #27746
Hello from UK also – I live in Exeter UK – Devon. Wherabouts are you? I am happy to be friends with you. One of my best male guy friends is 20. He is not ace but so supportive.
I understand, as sexual people experience romantic attraction too unless they are an aromantic sexual. Sensual and Grey Areas can also be tough to comprehend, as well as arousal and that some aces masturbate.
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