[Anonymous]

I’m not sure if anyone is still around, but I just wanted to say hi. <3 Demi-gray ace from Delaware here. Newly discovered this sexuality for myself and feeling around.

[Matt Dalonzo]

We are all still around. Waiting, waiting, waiting for something to happen. Spoken like a true asexual (jk)
So I posted this to keep it fresh.
Somebody say something!

[Sasa]

Hi. I’m Sa and I’m new to the Ace community. I’ve been scrolling and clicking my way through forums and groups exploring the whsos, whats, hows, and whys of it and decided to do as as @MAtt Dalonzo said and say something. If you missed it, it was all the letters and blobbed thoughts just before this period.

[John P Schindler]

Hello there,
John in Long Island here, have a nice day!

[Sandra]

Hello everyone

[Sanara]

New too. Just figuring things out at this age. I feel behind..lol

[Matt Dalonzo]

Give a shout out! Who wants to date who! Cmon out with it! Stop being so asexual! Jeez. There’s a few I’d like to date! Friends speak up! I’ll name drop. LoL

[Anonymous]

haha Just checked my notifications and saw these messages.

[Marian]

Hi 🙂 I’m Marian. I learned about gray sexuality when I was talking to some friends on Hangouts about my online dating habit. Which was to go on first dates two or three times a year, and the rest of the time not wanting to be bothered.

I said, “It’s like I’m bi, but for people who are asexual. I know that’s not a thing…” Then one of my friends pointed out it is, indeed, a thing.

I always say I wish I could skip to the part of the relationship where you are just comfortable being around each other. I hate the dating part. I never feel like I do well on first dates. I have been intensely attracted to people, but after we’ve been friends and I feel a bond. And it’s still weird to me that’s not normal. Are we all really expected to be attracted to someone as soon as we have dinner? Ugh.

I feel like I would do much better before the sexual revolution. I support sexual freedom in theory, but it has killed romance for me.

[Jenny]

Hi!

Like others have said, I just recently learned that there’s a name for people like me, demisexual.

I’m 47 years old, and I’ve been in three long-term relationships in my life. Each of those lasted between 6 and 10 years.

I meet a lot of people day to day, but I don’t think of any of them in sexual terms. I never think about whether or not they are physically attractive. When I do form a connection with someone, I start to find things about them that are physically attractive to me. It could be anything: the way their legs are shaped, or they have pretty eyes.

I wasn’t sure if I really belong here because when I do have a connection I enjoy sexual contact. I just don’t need it. I do, however, need affection from a relationship. I need hugging, kissing, cuddling… When I’m single, like now, I’m perfectly happy keeping my own company, but I miss having a companion –not sex– after a while.

I used to think I was weird because I never had the same level of desire that everyone else seemed to have. It’s really nice to know, at long last, that it’s not “just me”.

[Tristan]

Hey everyone,

Been on here for about 2-3 weeks I think. The site gets a fair amount of traffic. Recently discovered I fit into the Greysexual part of the spectrum.

I’m 42 years old and exited at two year relationship at the beginning of the year in Jan. Spoke to a guy here locally on a dating website, who went on to explain he was Greysexual. After some reading on the subject, I found that I too, fall within this area. I have been in a couple long term relationships but mostly just dated guys, not usually getting past 3-4 dates because of my lack of interest in sex. Last boyfriend was still in the closet and attending BYU and didnt have a ton of experience and so the sex wasn’t as important to him either until he realized I was not normal.

I can become sexually attracted to guys, but it comes and goes with no rhyme or reason for why I do sometimes and others times not at all. When in a relationship, I would much rather cuddle, hold hands, kiss, and be with my companion than have sex usually most of the time. Sex can happen, but it usually doesn’t and if it does, I have to really REALLY put forth a lot of effort to make it happen and almost always never climax with another person. I can do it on my own in a matter of minutes, but with someone else, almost never. I’ve been like that since I was 16. I thought I would outgrow it but never did. I just thought I was an anomaly and just go along with it.

I think my biggest worry about this, is that it will further cement my singlehood. I’ve decided to not worry about being in a relationship but rather cultivate friendships and stronger bonds with those people I call friends. Life doesn’t have to be centered around relationships.

[Anonymous]

@Marian: “I always say I wish I could skip to the part of the relationship where you are just comfortable being around each other. I hate the dating part. I never feel like I do well on first dates. I have been intensely attracted to people, but after we’ve been friends and I feel a bond. And it’s still weird to me that’s not normal. Are we all really expected to be attracted to someone as soon as we have dinner?”

That’s one of the things I absolutely love about this community… for the first time, I am encountering more people who naturally are having compatible thoughts to mine. I have to admit I still wonder if I am dreaming- could this really be the missing link? To find others who have trudged through similar experiences, coming to reasonably similar conclusions, and can express their viewpoint and not have as challenging a time getting their point across? I am so glad to have found this place.

Yet, once I step back into the realm of interacting with others who don’t necessarily share these experiences and viewpoints, all manners of confusion can occur. All the rules (spoken and unspoken) that seemingly make no sense, yet we are expected to follow. And I agree: why must dating, with all its accoutrements, be the prime interface for establishing a deeper relationship with others?

[Anonymous]

I’ve noticed we’re also gray-conversational. lol

Hi!

Like others have said, I just recently learned that there’s a name for people like me, demisexual.

I’m 47 years old, and I’ve been in three long-term relationships in my life. Each of those lasted between 6 and 10 years.

I meet a lot of people day to day, but I don’t think of any of them in sexual terms. I never think about whether or not they are physically attractive. When I do form a connection with someone, I start to find things about them that are physically attractive to me. It could be anything: the way their legs are shaped, or they have pretty eyes.

I wasn’t sure if I really belong here because when I do have a connection I enjoy sexual contact. I just don’t need it. I do, however, need affection from a relationship. I need hugging, kissing, cuddling… When I’m single, like now, I’m perfectly happy keeping my own company, but I miss having a companion –not sex– after a while.

I used to think I was weird because I never had the same level of desire that everyone else seemed to have. It’s really nice to know, at long last, that it’s not “just me”.

Dear Lord, same! This really sums it up. I usually feel like a fraud, but then I see others who have the same experience, and it feels like such a relief.

[Veee]

I think life would be sooo much easier if the whole world was just sexual…then there’d be no need to be searching these forums for compatibility!!!

😐

[Marishka]

Hi I just joined and am really new to all these concepts- but boy a lot of things are starting to make more sense. Not sure what “labels” apply to me yet, but I do know that while sex is ok occasionally, I wouldn’t miss it… but the lack of sensual contact really gets to me sometimes. And it’d just be so cool to have someone to be flirty with, but without that “oh gawd now I have to worry that they want to have sex” feeling. Ok that still feels weird to say out loud…

Anyway, nice to be here and nice to meet you all.

[Anonymous]

@marishka Yeah I get what you mean. I just think there could be a loving relationship between two people even without sex. I feel like it’s become the norm in our society to have sex to prove you truly love that person but that shouldn’t be the case. How does that prove love at all?

[Marishka]

@Michaela I agree. I have no idea why sex=love for most people, but maybe that’s because I’m asexual? Yeah, society norms have a lot to do with it I think. My husband has a high sex drive but sees sex as just a fun thing to do that feels good, not an expression of love, and even though we don’t have sex very often, I know he loves me and I love him. But it took us 20 years together to figure out who we were sexually, and we spent a lot of that time pretty miserable because neither of us felt ok being honest about who we were. It’s nice to be letting all that go…

[Author]

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