[Ani]

I realise this may be a bit personal, but anyways ; we are in a discussion group about anxiety, isn’t it?

What anxieties do you deal with? (you can be as brief or detailed as you wish yourself)

I have a severe OCD already for half of my life, 16 years now.
I have erotophobia, which developed along with the first signs of OCD. Anything sexual suddenly started to deeply scare me, it was like I started puberty in a “normal” way like most boys but then suddenly after an initial “normal” period of puberty I began to be more and more alienated of anything to do with sexual things, and along that with romance. I still haven’t fully recovered from it, although I do desire romance now and I think the chances are big that things can get better anxiety-wise too.

I also have a general contamination fear, which has caused me to wash hands and take showers very often. I had a time in my life, luckily long ago, that I used to ask other people to touch things as I was afraid to contaminate things ; or I would wear gloves to turn pages of a book, put on CD’s, handle the remote control, … I was not afraid to get contaminated, I had this absurd fear to be unclean myself and contaminate things myself. It was very hard and while some of that fear exists today, I am lucky that I could to large extent shake off those fears. I now still have extended handwashing time and take 1 or 2 showers per day, but it’s bearable. The days of 5-6 showers per day and wearing gloves all the time are gone, although I still struggle to handle emotionally valuable objects that I consider to be clean.

I have also had times of social anxiety, distorted day schedules as I adapted my lunch and dinner times and my bedtime hours to whenever it was suitable OCD-wise (I sometimes stayed active for hours and hours without eating or drinking, sometimes till late night, because I wanted to use the times I felt clean to maximum extent) … but any such anxieties were luckily never existing for more than a few years.

I started writing poetry about life with, amongst other, OCD. I intend to write a first novel too in the next year, which will again deal with life with OCD and autism. I hope I can contribute to breaking the taboos about those things, and give a signal to fellow sufferers that they’re not alone with their struggle.

[Lenka]

I have phobia of sexual men, rape, sexual harassment and stuff like this.
I have also phobia of allergies.
And I have a phobia of my future life because everything is so fucked up I can´t imagine it could be better one day. Everything what I do turns against me, be it searching for job (bullying, damaged health) or trying to become independent self-employed artist and make graphics (I destroyed two computers in one months just because of software incompatibility and I can´t repair the damage because I don´t understand computers). I have depression for over a year but no psychologost wants to help me (“We have tooo many patients, go somewhere else!”), I´m seriously considering suicide. But I have a phobia of not doing it right and surviving with seriously damaged health and live the rest of my life in hospital. I have phobia of doctors and hospitals too.

[Megan]

My anxiety always revolves around people. Talking to people, working with people. Just being around people in general. It helps a bit that I’m forced to be around people for my job but then all the anxiety waits until I’m ready to sleep to come back.

Like a bird, it comes circling back when I’m trying to quiet my brain so I can sleep. Then I get in the vicious circle of: Can’t sleep because I’m anxious -> Anxious because I can’t sleep -> Can’t sleep because etc etc.

[Anonymous]

I was born with a chemical imbalance which causes my heart to race and my body gets cold. Growing up was very hard because during the worst of these attacks I would feel like I was in a dream I couldn’t awake from. This was a terrifying feeling. I still have this problem but thanks to medication I can live a much more normal life. I still get these feelings but I have learned how to manage then much better and the meds help to calm me.

[Anonymous]

Well I’m not as fucked up as some of you guys, no offense. I only have two anxieties, social and body issues.
At one point i couldn’t go outside. I’m over that now but i still find it hard to talk to people, even on the net.
As for sex, well i don’t like my body and i don’t like to be touched, which explains why I’m on this site.

[Rebecca]

I have an anxiety disorder called Selective Mutism. It was very strong when I was younger; I couldn’t speak outside of the house or to anyone but my mother. Nowadays I think its morphed into social anxiety. I also feel like I have OCD – that’s not to do with people. It’s something else; I’m not sure how to explain it.

[Honest and Open]

Congratulations to everyone who has had the bravery to tell their story here! I find it very helpful to learn more about people’s inner reality, since normally we can only see the exterior, and most people try to look as impressive as possible, so I think, “Jeez, I’m a mess and everyone else is doing so well,” when in fact it’s probably more like, “Every person has their own struggles.” Also, when someone shares their problems with me I feel less afraid that they will judge and reject me for mine. So this topic is helpful. Thank you, Ani, for starting it.

So, my anxiety/OCD is around my To Do list! My mind constantly sees things that “need to be done,” and I have to put them on a list or I feel quite unrelentingly anxious that I will forget them and not do them and then when the time comes that they need to be done they will not be done and the negative consequences of not having them done will catch up with me. So my To Do list is hundreds of items long, no one could do them all, yet I feel they all “must” be done, so I always have an underlying sense of anxiety that I have not taken care of something that must be taken care of. So I am working/busy all the time; it is hard for me to let myself relax and have fun with my friends. This has been a complaint of all my friends and partners — I do not have enough time for them — even though I crave friendship and companionship. I would like to change this. It is heartening to hear the number of people who say their OCD isn’t as bad as it once was. When I do manage to take a vacation, when I come home I find that for a few days my To Do list has receded into the background and does not harry me. I just relax and don’t do anything extra, and everything is still okay. So on the one hand I can see that the world will not end if I don’t do “everything,” but on the other hand the perception that if I don’t do X, Y, or Z, I will suffer some particular loss or deprivation, is very strong, seems very real.

Well, thanks everybody for sharing. You’ve helped me. I hope others contribute their part.

Best to all!

[Anonymous]

I was diagnosed with a General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) at the age of 15 while I was also diagnosed with Clinical Depression.

As a teenager I had anxiety about almost everything. But mostly, I was agoraphobic for two years before I made the decision that it was not okay to live with it, that is was not functional and that I could do something about it or continue to suffer.

I really just put myself through exposure therapy by going outside for so many minutes per day (spending time in the front yard), then progressing to the local deli, then the local mall, etc. Today I can go anywhere in my own city without feeling anxious about being outside. This year, I traveled interstate for the first time on my own and I didn’t love it. Anxiety and I am real homebody who likes my own environment.

I also used to have a big problem with talking to people on the phone. Last year I got a job as a receptionist and within 2 months my anxiety about being on the phone was gone.

I still experience anxiety, just not as much or as intensely as I used to. I find by facing the anxiety it is better for me than ignoring it or avoiding the trigger.

[Honest and Open]

Oh, reading Renae’s account, reminds me that I forgot to talk about my social anxiety! Although I don’t carry this conscious thought, my behavior shows that deep in my gut I’m afraid that if people don’t like me they’ll abandon me and I’ll be left all alone and die. So I am always overly concerned about what people are thinking of me, and trying to figure it out, which doesn’t really work too well, especially when they are not thinking about me at all! I say, “yes” to people’s requests for me to do something for them way more often than is called for. I hurt myself by abandoning myself and ignoring my own needs in favor of trying to please others to get them to like me. I don’t think of myself as a manipulative person, but, in fact, if I am trying to “get people to like me”, then I am attempting to manipulate them. This is not a flattering picture to hold up to myself. Like everybody else has said, I’ve gotten better with this over the years, but I still am uncomfortable around people when I don’t know if they accept me — which is most of the world, since I don’t know most of the world…

[Anonymous]

Social Anxiety, woo!
Love being limited to stores that have self checkouts…

[Senka]

I have social anxiety, random panic attacks and anxiety in connection with toilets.

My social anxiety is often connected to my anxiety about toilets. When it all gets too much, I get panic attacks.
I’ve been fortunate enough to have been in a program that helped me some. But its hard work just getting outside.

• This reply was modified 7 years ago by Senka.

[ian]

Interacting with people which makes it strange that I should join a site for interacting with people lol. Its the general feeling of how I appear, if I ask a question will I come across as stupid etc.

[Rebecca]

Social anxiety. If not for select activities — therapy, volunteering — I’d be a hermit. Heck, I practically am one even so… It’s just something about people, y’know.

[Anonymous]

I have an anxiety that I have lost a certain amount of desire to communicate with other people. I have the fear that t I am out of practice and that it is my fault. I also get anxiety when I feel someone is comparing their life accomplishment e with mine. I also have always lacked the ability to bend and sway in a conversation so that the person I am talking to likes me at the end. In other words no charm shows unless someone already knows me.

Related to the last anxiety- I ha e a fear of people seeing me as someone who needs friends rather than an actual valuable friend prospect.

[Peridot Flare]

I have big anxiety about being seen eating. I grew up being denied food and being harassed and guilted about eating to the point that if I wanted to eat, I had to sneak into the kitchen, steal something, and eat it out of sight. To this day, I strongly object to eating my lunch in the break room if anyone is in there. I go to the conference room and I insist upon eating alone.

I have no idea if there is a treatment for that.

Maybe a time machine. Go back in time and tell my parents to shut the fuck up about everything making me fat.

• This reply was modified 6 years ago by Peridot Flare.

[Anonymous]

Good old fashioned social phobia, depression and a big heap of generalized anxiety disorder. It sucks, but I’m learning to deal with it better and better. Knowing my limits and not overdoing it during my good phases was a big step to living a more stable life.

These days I can judge pretty well what I can and can’t do. I still need a lot of downtime and possibilities to relax and indulge in my special interests to recharge my mental batteries. But as a whole I feel far more capable now than I did, say even just 5 years ago. Social interactions still present a huge hurdle but I try not to put the blame all on myself when things get awkward. Just gotta remember that other people may struggle and feel self-conscious just as you do. I think of it as a spider metaphor: The spider’s just as scared of you as you are of the spider.

Not putting up a facade but just saying what I truly think definitely made me more relaxed when talking. Now I just say the first thing that comes to my mind and try not to worry about the, let’s be honest, very minimal consequences of saying the “wrong” thing. At worst, people will look at you funny. So what. They probably said way stupider things on their own time. In the worst case scenario you can always try to save yourself by making a joke. Most people react well to humor.

[Kel]

I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. I also have Asperger Syndrome.

[Author]

Posts