[Ani]

OK, I’m not gonna lie here, I did join this site to have good debates and interesting conversations, but most of all I hope to find the woman of my dreams and spend the rest of my life with her. I guess that after all is what dating sites are about? 🙂 But to find someone you also have to be able to be found. So here goes…

I am from Belgium, from the lovely city of Gent, known for its canals, waterside promenades, mediëval housing and building well-preserved but without modernising it, the maze of cobblestoned Streets, and the modern vibe and cultural life in the setting of a mediëval-looking city.
I had a very unhappy youth : bullying at school was omnipresent, I had to visit the psychologists often from very young age on, and I was a very reclusive child. I locked myself up in my room virtually every day to stare at maps, go through travel guides, … It was so fascinating to see this small remote Island or those isolated towns in the arctic or the desert : just a remote dot on the map and a name. In the pre-internet area you had to use imagination to know how it would be like, and often I was way wrong! But there’s a certain beauty in drifting away in daydreams.

I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome unofficially but by a specialist, when I was 9 or 10 years old. As I wanted certainty, I had another test done with a specialist, when I was 23. She did extended tests, observed my behaviour, … she really did it very properly. And she confirmed I was Asperger, this time with an official certificate included.

Prior I also got diagnosed with OCD, which outs itself in contamination fears, and in erotophobia. I also am high sensitive. But beneath those medical tags, I’m also a dreamer, a romantic and sensitive guy, an idealist and an adorer of art 🙂

Note: the contamination fears have a large influence on my life. In my apartment, all emotionally valuable items I have are in one corner of the flat where they stay clean. I don’t even come in that corner myself and don’t touch those items. Knowing those things I care so much about (mostly CD’s and books) are there, protected and clean, gives me a lot of satisfaction even when I don’t touch them. I know they are there. So I have a “clean corner” and I don’t even come there myself. The rest of the apartment I try to use as fluently as I can, which some days works and some days is hard to make it work. I will Always segregate clean from unclean, and have a long extended ritual for handwashing. My showers also tend to take long. I’m trying to reduce time spent on OCD and increase time spent on spontanity and pleasure, I’m trying really!

Erotophobia is what brought me here. I am heterosexual, and physically attracted to women. However, when you have erotophobia since 16, having a normal relationship is very hard. It’s not that I say “no” entirely to sex, it just scares me a lot because I consider some aspects of it (mainly bodily fluids, especially sperm and semen) to be very dirty. So while I can feel strong physical attraction to women, my fears have Always stopped me from having sex and having a relationship. It’s mainly the latter I search: a girl that I have such an emotional bond with, such a soul mate feeling, that we understand each other just with one look. A girl I love with all my heart and can share my life with, be together every day again and fill our lives with love.

It is unpredictable how the phobia will evolve: will my love for her make the phobia easier to overcome and actually do make love to her? Will it just reduce the impact of the phobia, allowing sex but only infrequently? Or will the phobia stay as it is? After all those years I’m sceptic towards total recovery, but I can imagine I would enjoy every single tender kiss, every hug or cuddle, every tender touch, every moment she sleeps in my arms, … to full extent and have a lot of love to give her, even if it is not in a sexual way. A kiss is the most beautiful example of something that means so much more than people think it does.

Also, when a phobia has restricted your chances to find a girlfriend and experience love so badly, you don’t take those “small” things for granted. Sleeping in each others arms, read her romantic poems, sit really close together during a romantic film, tender kissing, hugs, … If you take it for granted you stop seeing how much it really means. I think after all those years of having such restrictions, I’d never take anything for granted and cherish every intimate moment, regardless if that means an embrace, a kiss, a hug, … It means so much more than people tend to think.

My biggest passions are travelling, discovering other cultures, and arts. I have lived in 6 foreign countries, and have fond memories especially of Belfast, Istanbul and Barcelona. While it was sometimes very hard being abroad without any help and with OCD and Asperger, I don’t regret any single relocation abroad and am open to someday relocate again (subject to what my future girlfriend wants)

I adore music, especially if the lyrics can reach my heart and make me emotional, or if they can make me think about this world we live in and about our society.

I write poetry myself, in which I try to break the taboo of life with Asperger, OCD, erotophobia, … I adore to perform. Give me a stage and I’m full of adrenaline and enthousiasm! However, reading it face to face to someone you really like can be very emotional too. I just adore poetry, I couldn’t do without it 🙂

Other than that, a few tags: vegetarian, very left-wing, against capital punishment, against totally free markets, loving animals, loving eccentric clothing, loving meaningful talks or debates, loving Indian and Lebanese food a lot!, somewhat addicted to Coca Cola Zero, not judgemental and empathic, childless and wishing to remain so, studying Hebrew, loving Scandinavia and the Middle East.

If any questions: just ask, or PM 🙂

One little PS: the most romantic moments in my life were when I was seriously in love with a girl who however lived as far away as Australia. However, we understood each other very deeply, shared so many simimar passions and opinions, … Each and every single day we’d write each other, very long messages, it took 2 or 3 hours to type them. We did that for months, every day again. Whenever her message would arrive, I’d feel all warm and tender inside, and I began making plans to go to Australia. Sadly enough, a country that isn’t very easy to get into, and bureaucracy makes no exceptions for a guy in love. But the deep connection, the deep understanding, the things we shared, and to spend so much time talking to each other … I found that incredibly romantic and would adore to experience that feeling again. With the difference that this time I’d not let bureaucracy scare me off and not give up until I’d be united with her for real. But even just the thought of that and those lovely letters were heartwarming.

• This topic was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Ani. Reason: added a PS

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