[Anonymous]

In this day and age, it doesn’t surprise me that there aren’t many people in this group. So, I’m curious as to why the rest of you are here. 🙂

Bit of background on myself: I come from a divorced family. Really, my mom and dad just weren’t meant for eachother from the beginning. It has definitely shaken my idea of marriage, but I have learned alot from their situation and I believe I am a much wiser person for it.

I want to be married because I wouldn’t start a true romantic relationship with someone outside of marriage. I am Muslim, and in the case that my partner decides they want to have children (the natural way)..or they one day realize they have a sexual side.., we would be married and that type of relationship would be morally acceptable. That’s it, my only reason. 🙂

[Raell5]

Even though my marriages failed I still want to be married. It’s a feeling that nobody can separate you when traveling or one of you has to be hospitalized, that somebody, hopefully, has your back and cares if you live or die, who might be interested to hear about your day and tell you about theirs. Things are more fun if you are with a like-minded person.

[Anonymous]

It’s funny reading this and reflecting back on it, as my perspective has somewhat changed. Not too strange I guess, some moments I may be more on the side of marriage than usual – like the eternal flow of the tide.

When I say “I want to be married”, it’s like saying “I want to have a job”. It’s a result of the situation, not a wish stemming from myself. The things you describe Rael are what I really do want, and more. But where I’m at right now it doesn’t seem like marriage is the only situation in which that would exist.

The romance part still holds true, I would never be fully romantic with another outside of marriage. But more and more I am thinking on how much more I want the other aspects of that ideal relationship. If I have a greater chance of being with someone in a non-romantic relationship outside of marriage, where the same level of commitment exists – I would disown any overtly romantic hopes instantly.

[Raell5]

To be able to live in the same house and cuddle someone, give and receive back rubs, travel together, etc., the partner would have to be a romantic partner or spouse for it to be socially acceptable, at least in the U.S.. If the person is the opposite gender and you are living together it will be automatically assumed you are in a physical relationship, and if you are seen being cuddly, holding hands, even with someone of the same gender, that will also be assumed.

If your friend isn’t an exclusive romantic partner, that person will typically be pursuing his or her own interests-jobs, family, romances, etc., and you are someone to hang out with in free time; your being together is circumstantial, i.e. you happen to live close by or pursue the same activities together.

I had one of the closest, best friendship/relationships I’ve ever had soon after I moved to Thailand in 2010. A 22-year-old police lieutenant offered me big bucks to teach him English for his future goal of getting a ph.d. in the U.S. I counter-offered that I’d do it for free if he’d drive me to the best birding spots in the area and teach me Thai.

For a year I had the best friend imaginable-we would hike national park mountains four hours at a time-he’d speak in English and I’d answer in Thai- while I photographed wild elephants, snakes, and birds, we played soccer (football) for hours every evening until the stars came out, then discussed the stars and constellations. We laughed and joked about politics, physics, philosophy, listened to music on his car CD player-turned out he was a fanatic for American music and liked exactly the same music I did.

He was like my doppelganger-highly intelligent and curious, he would invite me along with his friends and family to Buddhist and family events, and knew all my friends from his job. He helped me test my new inventions and offered suggestions. But since we were only friends, eventually I moved to a different town for work. We occasionally kept in touch through Skype for years, but he eventually reached his goal of going to the U.S. to get his ph.d. in criminology and stopped messaging.

Of course, he probably also got old enough to realize that such a close friendship with a senior citizen white woman would be looked at askance and considered sexual.

I don’t know how any close friendship would be able to continue indefinitely unless it was romantic in nature because people move on with their lives and goals and friendships seem to be mostly circumstantial. Of course most people casually keep in touch through Facebook, but it’s not the same.

[Honest and Open]

I would like to be married because I want to be in a relationship in which there is so little doubt that we will want to be together, and will be willing to work through or somehow handle whatever difficulties come up, that we are both willing to make a permanent commitment. This is not the only way I would be willing to have a partnership, but it seems like the pinnacle to me.

[Erica Knox]

I really want more than anything to find my soulmate and seal that bond with the ideally eternal sacrament of marriage. I realize it’s not just a lovey-dovey world but more of a partnership that takes hard work and understanding. I don’t want the ‘life-cycle’ thing where you have kids, become a jaded and bitter parent, and lose any identity you had prior to offspring; I hate that idea more than anything. I LOVE kids and believe that most people do too because they are so pure, innocent, and happy. Childhood was the happiest time of my life. I feel like people throw that away so quickly for the senseless biological urge of physical gratification; perhaps that’s why I’ve always had such a negative perception of it. People seem to base their entire world off of it: they obsess over it, judge people by their ‘performance ability’ of it, divorce over it. . . hell, it’s like if there’s no sex, then it’s not a true relationship. What happen to that innocent time where it wasn’t necessary to plan to be happy or make time to have fun? Why is fulfilling a primitive biological need so damn important? But I digress. . .

[Kai]

I don’t believe that getting married is necessary for commitment. A life commitment can absolutely occur without marriage. And trust me, being married isn’t a safeguard that person won’t ever change their mind and break up with you. If they really change their mind for goodness know what reason and decide it’s time to go, the split is going to be long and messy and not without financial consequences.

Marriage is a legal contract. It’s not really about feelings or tradition or anything like that for me. It is something that makes sense to do if I’ve found a person that I’m already committed to and see myself spending the rest of my life with, because being someone’s spouse rather than just their cohabitant comes with many practical benefits. If we’re already together and committed, then why miss out on those benefits? It makes sharing financial and other resources for pursuing shared life projects easier.

Maybe saying that I want to be married is misleading. I want to find someone with whom getting married would make sense to do.

[Erica Knox]

That’s pretty cool; I like your take on it. Sure there’s lovey-dovey feelings, but it’s a lifetime commitment to be fiscally responsible and share resources and property and stuff. It’s like the difference between having a friend stay over a lot and have fun to having them legally on the lease to where they’re also obligated to do all the things financially involved with properly renting property; there’s risks and benefits–anyone who’s seen ‘Judge Judy’ knows what I’m talking about–obviously, marriage is a lot more serious and it’s innately done for raising offspring more securely since, predictably, that’s the life-cycle route everyone mundanely follows.

[Red Cimpoesiu]

To be honest I really don’t know why I want to get married. Seeing as sex is the last thing I am looking for which is the main reason for marriage, apart from all the other reasons people get married… ;P I can only say most of my relationships with women never worked out because everyone would say the whole “it’s just a phase your going thru” or “when you find that someone special you’ll want to do it”. Mostly I find women get really angry when I insist I don’t have a sex drive and I kinda don’t want to f**k, they find it insulting understandably. So I mostly avoid relationships just because it’s not them it’s me. I don’t think it is fair to go out with women when we have completly different end results. I can only say I want to share my life with someone I don’t mind the idea of hugs, kisses, cooking for one an other, cuddling while watch a show or movie, even sharing my bed so we can sleep together but not in any sexual way. The only thing I could figure out is I wanted an Ace marriage but I have never met any asexual women in my life, only women that say they are abstaining or on a sabbatical from sex. Kinda not the same thing I’m looking for. I am not ashamed to say I’m a 28y/o virgin and I really would prefer to remain that way for the rest of my life if I be married or not.
My favorite line to tell any women that is flirting with me is: “Fair warning my lady I’m an Asexual pirate and that means I want none of your booty!”

[Erica Knox]

Here, here! I commend you with standing ovation. There is SO much stigma against virgins, particularly males, for some f’d up reason.

[Anonymous]

I’d like to be married to have a special someone in my corner. It would be awesome to have a person with whom I could share the highs and lows of life with, and with whom I could learn from and share things with, like birding, canoeing or just snuggling on the couch in front of a movie marathon. I have a lot of affection to offer, and I would like to have someone willing and able to reciprocate on an exclusive level. Also I’m a life-long celibate so the sex part is a non issue, and it would be great to find someone else who is only interested in ‘us’ and not having kids or physical contact beyond kissing or hugging. I guess that’s my ideal. Holding out for a hero(ine).

[Medea]

Just because I’m not interested in a sexual relationship doesn’t mean I can’t fall in love. I want that emotional intimacy and affection, and somebody to share my life with. To share everything with really, a home, a family, and to grow old together.

[Anonymous]

Let’s face it, marriage initially existed to pressure people to stay together for the sake of offspring and the successful continuity of the “tribe.” If people could have sex and sire children without the resultant obligations, we would have chaos.

Now marriage has evolved to mean a bit more in modern society, but it still is a restraint on personal freedom and personal choice. So why do we want to do it?

Personally, marriage is for no other reason than to sire and raise children in the optimal circumstance. If I do not marry, I will have no children and that is fine. I also think not meeting the person whom you would want as a parent for your prospective children is a reason not to get married. Living the good life in a way that married people would envy is plenty enough reason to forgo nuptials.

[Alexander Avery Jenkins]

I wanna get marriied because it use to be a dream of mine growing up. Like why shouldn’t I eventually? I want a deep emotional connection with someone and not much else. Plus the financial perks never hurt.

[Ben]

When I was younger getting married wasn’t a priority of mine. As I have gotten older I have realized the value of having a life partner. Someone who is there to support you and share the burdens of life with you. Life can be difficult and it’s so much easier with a partner.
Also I would like to have a family. I want children. I want the traditional american family. I realize that there are a lot people on this site who are opposed to sex altogether and don’t want children, but I would love to connect with some people who want the same as I do.
I am at a point in life where its time for me.

[Victoria Grant]

To be honest, when I realized I was asexual, I also realized that my chances of finding “the one” had just gotten a whole lot slimmer due to the fact that the physical/sexual aspects of a relationship where something that a lot of guys would not be interested in forgoing. But I still hoped there would be a way for me to meet someone to be with that wouldn’t care that we would never end up having sex. A work friend told me to go onto a dating website for people like me, so here I am.
My grandparents were married since they were young and I want what they had. A loving relationship that lasts a lifetime.

For a bit of context, I find the idea of having sex repulsive. Whether it be man/woman, man/man, woman/woman, or whatever you identify as, sex has been something that just makes me shiver (and not in the good way). Science even says that being attracted to someone is the primal instinct of humans to mate. When I learned this, I came up with a theory that if sex was taken out of the equation, a lot more marriages would last as people wouldn’t be relying on their passions when it comes to romance and what it entails for the future of the them and their partner. Now I know that there are plenty of marriages that have lasted even with sex in the mix, but it has also been the cause of many affairs/divorces.

Sorry, kinda got off track. Anywho, one the biggest problems I’ve had to face with being asexual is that quite a few people don’t really believe me when I tell them. They always say things like “Oh, one day when you meet that special someone, you’ll want to have sex” Even my own mother says things like that. And my response is “well you let me know when Adam Levine gets divorced and comes to confess his love to me, then I’ll let you know if I change my mind” it irritates me to no end when I’m told how ill feel about something later on in life.

But those reasons are what drives me to find that special someone. A guy who wants my heart and not my body. I want a relationship that can allow me to love my man, give him hugs and kisses, without it leading to anything of that nature. I want to go out on dinner dates, hang out together watching our favorite movies, play video games together, get a couple of cute dogs, and live a simple, quiet life, just us.

So far, I’ve talked to several guys of the ace community who have either ghosted me, told me they weren’t interested after a week of talking, or just never responded after I reply to their interest. It’s hard, but I’m still not giving up. But I hope that by being apart of this group, I can find Mr. Right

[Brian Connolly]

So I’ve been in a couple of relationships which if I’m being honest just haven’t been fulfilling, partly because I’ve likely not been really honest with myself in terms of being Asexual and so have ended up with people who have been emotionally disconnected more than once. I have long looked to marriage as a journey you take with someone and support each other in their dreams. Romance is part of that for the emotional connection but I have never really felt comfortable with the assumption of sex. I hope this kind of community offers an opportunity to explore this in the future.

[Anonymous]

I’ve always been a loner, partly due to my extreme introversion. But I’ve spent the last few years pushing through to reach out to people and keep more in touch with those already in my life. I’m sick of being lonely and am ready for social interaction.

[Pedro Frazao]

It sucks to be alone…thats for sure.
Would definitely like to marry again as living alone is hard BUT marrying someone just not to be alone would be catastrophic though but I believe you can be a loner and still be able to have a good happy marriage.
Relationships and marriages often fail due to the lack of honesty of one or both partners.
If youre honest about what you can offer and what you want and the other person does the same and you both have similar wishes/dreams then I dont see why a loner can’t be happy with someone else and still be somewhat of a loner.
Good luck to all of us.

[Anonymous]

I just want someone living with me so they can look after my dog if I travel for work.

Kidding… mostly.

[Author]

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