Just became interested in dating about a year ago and through my sister and her boyfriend I went on my first date ever. We became good friends and it was my till a couple weeks ago that we became more. He is the exact opposite when it come to intimacy and sex. Having no desire and some fear towards having sex we have not done anything up to this point. He keeps bringing it up. He has tried oral but I get freaked out and it make me feel in a way violated. Just looking for advice. Sorry if it is too much info.
You feel violated therefore you must not do it. Don’t compromise in such ways. Relationships require compromises, and since he is sexual prepare for compromising all the time. Ask yourself, is it worth it? I know finding asexual men is hard (10 times harder than finding ace women), but sex is really important for sexual people. He is not going to compromise. Maybe for a while, but in the long term he needs it. You’ve been together as a couple for a couple of weeks only. I know the desire to be in a relationship. I’ve never really been in one, I’m 29 and I really starve such contact. I have no luck finding asexual women who have interest in me. There are barely any in my country. But I wouldn’t become sexually active just to please a partner. That dooms me to loneliness. Please don’t go out of your comfort zone, he will want more and more. And he is not to blame, it’s his needs. Think about the long-term implications. You want romance, I understand, but it shouldn’t come at too high a price. And he has needs he wants to be met too. It’s a big incompatibility that cannot be hidden in the closet.
Sorry if I sounded harsh. Hugs!
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