It also depends what kind of effect you’re trying to achieve in portraying the physical intimacy. Why is it being included in your work? I write fiction with sexual content in it, but presenting a convincing and detailed portrait of actual sex isn’t always my objective. Sometimes it can be about the characters’ relationship dynamics or personal psychology rather than the physical act so going into much detail on the physical side is not necessary. Generally speaking, unless the scene itself is necessary to the story, it may not even need to be included. You might be able to get away with alluding to it or describing what happens before and/or after.
However, if you’re writing erotic fiction, which I sometimes do, then details may be more necessary. I have some friends who have been pretty open in talking with me about their experiences, in large part because they know I have no personal interest, but in my case, it doesn’t bother me to hear about that sort of thing as long as I’m not personally involved in it so it all works out. I have also looked things up and done research both by reading books or doing searches online when I wanted more information about things that are common or impossible. I wouldn’t do that if it makes you uncomfortable, though.
This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by Nadia.