[Meadow Rain]

Asexuals tried but know that they do not want sex some have even, put up with it’ to keep mates but know they don’t want it. This is a nice group but does not belong in the Asexual group.

[Ani]

I want to make a few things clear about why I created this group:

a) Asexualitic (and other aces-orientated sites, such as Ace-Book and AVEN) generally are orientated at people within the asexual spectrum. This includes asexuals, demisexuals, grey aces, … Not everyone on Asexualitic is 100% asexual or anti-sexual, and the same goes with Ace-Book and with AVEN. Demisexuals, grey a’s, etc have been using sites like this for a long time and there’s plenty of them. This group about sex fears is open to anyone who wants to discuss sex fears ; this group is hosted within the umbrella of asexualitic.com which is a site which attracts people from all over the asexual spectrum: asexuals, grey-a’s, demisexuals, …

b) I did not say by any means that people who are afraid of sex should, after curing those fears, engage in sexual activities. Whether people don’t want to ever have sex or want to have sex occasionally or under certain circumstances (which can be the case with demisexuals and grey-aces, but not necessarily) is up to them. I never claimed that this group intends to “cure” people so that they can have sex again. No longer being afraid of sexuality doesn’t necessarily mean that you are wanting to have sex afterwards. It means you’re no longer afraid of it. That doesn’t mean you will become a sexual person ; you can be unafraid but still indifferent to it.

c) There is a nuance between people who don’t want sex or are demisexual or grey-ace and who see sex as not necessary or even downward unwanted, and people who on top of that have serious fears of it. A person who is simply uninterested or indifferent towards sex, is a different story than someone who on top of that can experience panic or anxiety when accidently confrontated with sexuality (eg in magazines, in films, …). Trying to put an end to those panic feelings and the suffering they bring with them, doesn’t mean you suddenly need to become a sexual being. You can also just try to get rid of your anxieties and become a person not afraid of sex, but still indifferent or uninterested in it. See the nuance?

There are grey-aces and demisexuals groups on platforms such as Asexualitic, Ace-Book, AVEN, … Being afraid of sex on top of lack of interest or indifference towards sex is an important nuance compared to not being afraid but simply being indifferent or uninterested in sex. I by no means say that curing a fear means you have to go into the other extreme and just have sex … The decision to engage in sexual activities or not, lies entirely with each individual. For a grey-ace or demisexual sex may not be totally off the radar (but also nowhere near the bucket list), for some others it is a “no” regardless of circumstances. I don’t even want to Judge whether someone should try sex or not, since this choice is entirely up to the individual, and this site and similar sites bring together many people with different stories and backgrounds (including pure asexuals, demisexuals, grey aces, …). I am by no means going to Judge what a person decides to do or not do in their private lives.
This group is created for those who, on top of being asexual/demisexual/grey-ace/… also experience a serious fear for anything sexual or for certain aspects of sexuality. Wanting to cure a fear is a normal sentiment, even if after the healing you’re still not going to have sex. Taking a fear away doesn’t mean you’re going to just become sexually active …

[Anonymous]

I actually kinda agree with the both of you. Being afraid or repulsed is not asexuality (this is what i am) but i call myself asexual anyway.
It’s just i have a very intense fear of sex and i don’t think i would ever be comfortable with intimacy so even though i’m not asexual, an asexual partner would be well matched for me.

I’m not sure if that made sense, it’s getting late.

[Stasia]

HI! Just joined…I have been pondering this myself a lot. I feel the same exact way as Shaun. I don’t know how else to identify b/c nothing else fits really and to be honest, if your fear is such that you do not want to have sex, then to me, it kind of fits under the asexual specturm.

[Joshua Kim]

… I feel like everyone should be able to define what being asexual means. It’s not a “solid” label where you have to meet all the criteria. Asexuals are just people who abstain from sex… that’s about it. The reasons don’t really matter, unless you are someone who like to “color within the lines.” Think of things as being on a spectrum and not a black and white idea. Though some people are entitled to their opinion… but it’s just that, an opinion. Ani has a lot of valid points… also, if you don’t agree with the group, why be a member?

We all have the right to our opinions, but we also have the right to ignore them… this is a two way street.

Sorry, ranting over…

[Meadow Rain]

Asexuals are not interested or provoked by sex and there is no question in their minds. Grey sexual people can be different or on the spectrum. There are definite definitions it is not amorphous there are different names for all. This posts definitions differs from what this website says. It was mentioned here that all people who are afraid of sex are asexuals(not true)…. which could include people who may not dislike sex and may be open to enjoy it in the future but have had a bad experience, this is not asexual, asexuals are SURE that they are not interested and don’t want to have the site open to curious people who just want to gauwk or ask sex questions.

[Author]

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