im really sick of trying

[Anonymous]

I think it’s more like, 4/5 messages then show interest to meet – if not actually meet.

And do you mean, emotionally safe or emotionally invested? ..or both. Definitely, if someone lives in the same town as me I wouldn’t have to be as invested in them as someone who lives over 4 hours away.

I kind of feel like we should have a separate thread discussing this, but with the lack of discussion on this site.. I don’t think I can bear to see another thread of mine under-used. 🙁

[Raell5]

All I’m saying is that typical males with a high percentage of male traits, that is, react quickly to attractive people. Even my male side is that way, which is why I take derris scandens capsules to merge my gender personalities. Since my male mode mode goes after what he wants, and males who pursue me do the same, I was just extrapolating

[Jaygo]

I know what you mean.. When i 1st found the Ace community, i thought i found a home. But the more i hung around, the more i began to see they’re no different than the sexuals on the dating site. On social sites and network you find the most Antisocial people on the Planet to the point i’m beginning to think only the very introverted Loners almost scared of their shadows hang on them. that or people have their hidden agendas and hide behind labels like Celibate, Asexual, looking for Ltr, etc. whatever it is, i’ve had it u to here with it. ready to close all social media accts. which i’m sure wouldn’t make up of an impact on my life. it’s not like people socialize on them anyway.

[Raell5]

I suppose it takes sexual drive to motivate people to take risks and put themselves out there.

[Sandra]

Hi Jaygo, I am a heteroromantic, grey asexual cougar, only usually attracted to younger foreign guys, which poses a huge problem, as there are not that many in the UK on asexual sites. I don’t like travelling on a plane, so a guy would have to be willing to come over here to see me – and eventually move over here, if he lived abroad. I also don’t want kids or marriage, and I don’t need to live with the person either. What I want in a relationship is clear from my profile, but is very hard for me to get.

I am an extrovert and I too, find it really hard on this site. I agree with Raell5 – I have to say, only tonight was I saying to work colleagues, that is really hard to find someone compatible – That I like lots of messaging and contact, and it seems that the only asexual guys that have shown an interest in me, are not that bothered. They don’t like or need as much contact. I like being ‘pursued and chased’ if you want to call it that. I call it – Being paid lots of attention to. I like to be friends with a person first, but to know their intention, and for them to spell it out to me. I like to know (Yura), that one day I will meet that person and that in the meantime, they will want to Skype me, message me in the morning, ask how my day is going, say goodnight etc – But it’s really not happening. It means, either I have to change my mindset on this – On just keep believing that these guys are not going to make me happy, so there is no point and to carry on enjoying my single life until my soulmate turns up, if he ever does. I think just because I am asexual and not sexual, does not mean I don’t like a lot of contact, attention and to be pursued – Because I do!

• This reply was modified 8 years, 10 months ago by Sandra.

[Raell5]

Gracious, Sandra..sounds like you would like to meet a Thai guy. Most are beautiful, athletic, intelligent, and yearn for a green card so willing to marry a foreign woman of any age and often live apart from their spouses here in Thailand. Few are very proficient in English though, although they would probably message you constantly if you would let them practice their English. Most Thai seem at least partially asexual and public displays of affection are NEVER seen here. I don’t know if they know how to court a woman Western style, though.

Like I keep saying my best friend since childhood was a 22-yr-old Thai police lieutenant with whom I hung out for a year when I lived in Saraburi, Thailand, north of Bangkok. It was a platonic relationship, but very close, and we were together almost every day doing things like playing soccer, hiking in the national park jungles, etc, cracking political jokes. We still occasionally email four years later.

[Anonymous]

Sandra-
The craziest thing just happened to me, but it really sounds like it should have happpened to you. xD

I went skating a few nights ago, which isn’t something I ordinarily do in Summer but my mom desperately wanted to go, so I gave in and went with her to keep her company.. I have had several instances of clairvoyance in my lifetime, but I sure as heck never saw what was coming next! As it turned out, there was no pre-selected music playing (because there was hardly anyone skating) so a guy there plugged in his ipod to the speakers. Since there’s rarely a time when one can play their own music, I thought I’d take advantage of it and asked him if I could play one of my favorites. So I did, and when the song was over and I was retrieving my phone he asked me what song I was playing… and it took off from there! 😀

It turned out he attends the same university I graduated from, we have the same major, we’re both huge fans of animation, are both artists, both avidly enjoy mountain biking, and have similar tastes in nearly every aspect of life. We exchanged numbers, and have been texting back and forth all the time. He so far has sent me good morning and good night texts, has been very interested in spending time with me, and as it happens he’s younger than me. I’ll be the first to say, this is completely surreal. But, it can happen. I don’t know about having a relationship or anything, to be completely honest I’ve never been cut out for a normal relationship – but I’m very glad I met him, and he’s definitely someone I consider a good friend.

Anyhow, I hope that gives you hope.. in some way. 🙂 Even if everything isn’t absolutely as you had planned or expected – as long as nothing’s actually wrong, I’d just go with it.

[Sandra]

Hi Yura, thank you for that. That’s super awesome for you. I obviously haven’t met ‘the one’ yet. Is he asexual?

Hi Raell5, i think you misunderstand me. That is exactly what I don’t want. I do not want to get married, and certainly not for a green card. I am not that type of girl, and would be extremely unhappy with that type of relationship. I don’t want a plutonic relationship at all. I want a romantic, asexual, loved-up, teenage style relationship, with loads of passionate kissing, including kissing in public, holding hands, sitting on a guy’s lap (I am grey) and for the guy to live next door, or just around the corner from me – So we are there for each other (but not living with each other – I lead a very young and unconventional, quirky lifestyle, and most younger guys are even too old for me in that respect) I like to maintain connectivity in-between times, when we can’t see each other. I am a career girl and have a destiny to fulfil, that’s means a lot of work – I currently get 3-4 hours sleep a lot of nights, and not a lot over 5 hours. So I would only be able to see a guy, once or twice a week. I also love living on my own, but also like to see that person and spend time going out and doing fun things together, and maintain a close feeling of connection.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 10 months ago by Sandra.

[adam]

This is what I have noticed.. well Sandra seem rather normal .. the whole chase and give girl attention I can relate to a lot but girl needs to let a guy know there a chance or TRUST ME me easy off and get bored… ow the case of being introvert or not got nothing to do with it.. why would you come on a site unless your making some effort… people seem, like said before message on average 4 to 5 times and just drop off..and I can NOW understand why either people don’t bother with site which I really half tempted to do … and resort to ..and this sound mean and unfair … chase sexual girls get what I want kiss affection everything in a normal relationship but “flick ” them off when it gets too serious that sound more appealing than a life so solitude and just watch life pass u by coz asexual , this feels so biologically WRONG !!

humans were built to be in pairs regardless of situation.

[Sandra]

Hi Adam

I actually love my single life and am happy with my own company, so I would rather be on my own forever, than waste my life with sexual guys, when I can’t be in a relationship with them – But I do get that you may want to have a one night kissing stand, for example. I have kissed sexual guys before and after after one date, that’s it, they want to be in a relationship with me. So I can’t get much kissing time in one night, but as I like kissing so much, if I have been attracted to them, it was great at the time, but scary because they would want more.

[Anonymous]

Well, he formally asked me out yesterday (even knowing I’m asexual, and Muslim), and so we had a long talk about what we’re each looking for in a relationship. From what I concluded, he’s a heteroromantic demisexual. All that’s really important to him is the hugging, kissing, cuddling and he might like to mate with a woman after a few months, maybe a year. But he assured me that it wasn’t important and he was pretty sure that he would be ok with me not wanting to have sex. But, I still can’t go through with that – at least not at this point in my life. He told me that he’d be happy just being friends (which I was sure of since we really do have an astounding amount in common), so we’ll just keep it at that. If say 10 years go by and we’re still in the same situation we are now, I’d have more faith in his capacity for abstinence. But, as I’ve said before, I will not knowingly marry a non-asexual. Addendum: or someone who has proven they can live well without sex.

From what I’ve understood of you (Sandra), you feel the same. 😉

[Author]

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