Do your friends and family know you are asexual

[Anonymous]

So ..Ive been single for 8 yrs. I’d kinda given up of even entertaining the idea of having a relationship as sex is always an issue.
Do I tell people I hate sex.. no ..when people ask why I’ve been on my own for so long i say i just haven’t found the right person…Its easier..
All my relationships have been with NON Aces .They cannot understand what it is like to not want sex.I have never just blatantly told my friends and family that I hate sex..
I’m not sure if I could…Has anyone on here ever come out to friends and family …If i met someone on here I’m not sure I could tell people I met them on an asexual site :-(.

[Ben]

Not me, I have 5 older brothers, all with families of their own, and my friends, who would call themselves alternatives, recently mocked an absent member of the group in my presence for being asexual, I didn’t even have the dignity to stand up for them, wow that makes me look awful, it’s the truth though, no point in lying, if I got together with another asexual, I would not want them to tell my friends and family that this is what we are, I’d be, not ashamed, but, they’d think there was something wrong with me that needed to be fixed, to conform with their reality.

[Anonymous]

Thank you..That’s exactly how I feel .Helps to know others feel this way…People I know understand and except any sexual interest..legal of course. ..but NO sexual interest- in my experience- people just can’t get their heads round it .
I am new to this group but I feel so much better in myself being able to talk to people who feel like I do. I’ve never told anyone that I an asexual until on here today.

[Ben]

Well, fair play to you for being able to say it, it takes courage, I mean that, I could tell my family I was gay and they’d be proud of me, but this? nope.

[Lita]

Nope. I come from a super traditional, conservative and religious family on both sides so anything outside of that would not be accepted. I feel like the black sheep because I’m the exact opposite of everyone else. So I know how you feel.

[Cody McKenna]

Don’t feel bad. Im 31, and it’s always been difficult trying to explain to anyone that sex isn’t even in my top 5 things i focus on. Don’t get me wrong, i think about sex a lot, but the fantasies always include a romantic, emotional quality, not just some empty physical act. It’s really hard trying to convince people that a deep partnership is more than sex, because their initial thoughts are about how a couple keeps it good on bed, or that life without sex is reserved for old couples. Honestly, sometimes i think it’s too much effort, and a comfortable romance is better.

[Madeline]

I’m also from a religious, conservative family. I’m a biromantic asexual but I haven’t told them and probably won’t unless I need to. I’m not interested in dating and just brush off their “you’ll find someone” comments. If I bring home a boy, I’ll probably never tell them. If I bring home a girl, that will be a fun conversation.

I’ve told my grandmother and one of my best friends and they are fine with it, but other than that, unless it affects them or they start getting too pushy, I’ll probably never say anything because it will just cause problems.

[Sandra]

I am proudly out to the world about being asexual. My parents know, all my friends know, and most people in my old job knew. I hold in person asexual meetups in my city and at the last meet-up all the people there had there photo taken and I could post it to my Facebook profile, all are openly asexual. I could not care less what people think. I am super proud of my sexual orientation, which is being asexual. I love educating people about Asexuality. I love being different from others. I would always tell a sexual person I am asexual and I don’t like sex, if I want to date a sexual guy, and ensure my boundaries are firmly in place. I love passionate kissing with my clothes on, but not sex at all.

I do a daily livestream about Asexuality on my channel http://www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife you can ask me anything you like about Asexuality on my channel. I am not a shy girl at all. I am on a mission to get Asexuality recognised as a sexual orientation globally, so that no asexual has to live in fear of ridicule ever again.

I look for a partner who supports me in my asexual work to help others and is openly asexual themselves, or would not mind being. I want to be with an asexual guy, not a sexual one, as they always need sex in the end, in my personal experience.

[Ben]

Just be thankful she didn’t plug her book, “describing words in a semi-literate capacity” available in no good bookshops ever.

[Kat InLosAngeles]

Nope not really. I kinda feel like it’s not their business, but that could change.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by Kat InLosAngeles.

[Jairo]

Everyone that knows me wishes to cure me of my non interest.

Viagra, Men, Women, ‘The willing to play’.
I can function perfectly but the lower chakras are not sufficient or of any real interest.
I remain me, and I like it

[Anonymous]

I know my ‘audience’. People in this area aren’t very understanding of these things. Not to say everyone is the same. But I’m perfectly fine keeping this to myself. My best friend knows. That’s it.

[Tyler]

There would be no point for me. Honestly, I believe it would do more harm than good.

[Anonymous]

I have told my sister that I am and my boyfriend but the rest of my family does not know.

[Jennifer]

I’m rather “out and proud,” including to my parents, who finally stopped asking me about grandkids. I also lead with it when I think someone is interested; I don’t want to lead anyone on.

[Sammie]

I am completely out and open about my asexuality to anyone that asks, and it is stated on all my social media profiles. I want to find a boyfriend, but only asexual, and the best way to do that is for me to be open about it. I also think that asexuality needs much more visibility and should be part of the sexual-education, and if I can make even a handful of people aware of asexuality by my being open about it, then all the better.

My family has been pretty supportive, and I never had any real friends before, but since attending ace meets I have made some fantastic friends (including my two best friends, one who holds meet ups herself that I attend, and the other that I met at one of her meets) who mean the world to me. Opening up about my asexuality has opened up a whole new world for me.

[Dan]

I am hidden way way deep in a far corner of the ace closet. While coming out to friends and siblings probably wouldn’t come as a total surprise to them, and they would try to be supportive, I know them well enough not to take that risk. My attempt at explanation and defense would be too frustrating and exhausting. Most would not take the time to, say, read Julie Sondra Decker’s and Anthony F. Bogaert’s important books on asexuality to understand us, let alone watch Decker’s (SwankIvy) fantastic YouTube video series, were I to direct them to these sources.

Are there generational differences in this? As a boomer (in age-denial), I wonder if younger generations are just more open and confident about their orientations than we were and are. Oh sure, the baby boomers can “brag” about their sexual revolutions and all, but while many are more accepting of LGBQT, I doubt most would accept asexuality. That includes their accepting even those of us who identify as hetero-aces, let alone the other classifications.

[Ben]

Dan, I think you’re right about the generational thing, as a tail-end gen-x, I think it’s a bit easir for me, but I feel that those younger than me have it easier, now that could be pure horseshit, but it’s how I percieve it, sexual freedom has been going in stages, gay first, then lesbian, trans, but asexual, it’s harder to advertise for and cash in on, so it’s been a lot slower to come out, there’s a cultivated shame from a century of media, “why don’t you want to fuck the pretty lady/boy/ladyboy and brag to your friends Dan? romance is a cornerstone of audio/visual mass produced and mass-disseminated media and it doesn’t have much time for us. Or I’m full of half-formed ideas and talking shite, it’s just my thoughts on it

[Marguerite]

My friends, family, and my Someone all know I’m asexual. With one exception they are all really great about it.

My father has the attitude of “you are dating a man, you are heterosexual”, but even when I was single he was confused about the whole thing. He’s not mean about it, just…extremely, extremely confused.

Also tail end of Gen-X, here, btw.

The way I tend to describe it to people is “Ok, think of something you don’t understand the appeal of. Now imagine that it is everywhere. Every commercial has (thing they don’t get) in it, every book and movie has it as a major plot point, every song uses it. That’s being asexual.”

[Ben]

yes, everyone knows except people who are strangers. I am honest like that, life is too short to hide things, there is no point!

[Author]

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