[Kim]

Yeah that happens to me as well. Before I realised I was ace, I used to date sexuals and whenever we made out they always seem to get the wrong signals. And then it comes across like I am leading them on. The other problem is that there aren’t enough aces around so sometimes the only option is to date sexuals. I don’t know how to get around it though, sometimes I think its safer to not be romantic either.

[Evelyn]

Indeed. I’ve had issues with contemplating pursuing romantic relationships but choosing not to out of fear that physical intimacy would become an expectation. Ultimately it’s left me wondering if I’m denying myself (and my partner) the chance at happiness or if I am simply saving us both from being hurt in the long run. Running off of assumptions is hard, but so is speaking your mind when rejection is the conditioned expectation. (It’s especially hard when the ‘I’m asexual’ conversation becomes misinterpreted as ‘I am specifically not sexually attracted to you’). Ultimately I think it’s why sites and communities like this are so essential. Sex becomes a mutual understanding rather than a deal breaker.

[Meadow Rain]

good interpretation Evelyn

[Ronessa S.]

It’s very difficult to even go on a clean date nowadays without the other party wanting to go deeper into the relationship.
Granted, I’m a total fan of romance: I like the cuddling, the closeness, the companionship, even the kissing…but that can lead to the other person getting turned on and wanting to go further, in which, that’s where the brakes come on for me.

It’s rather difficult to explain how I shut down the way I do, because the guy feels I’m putting them on. All the more why my dating has been limited.
I would like a companion, but on my terms. I don’t like being pressured.

[Nick Cummins]

Granted, I’m a total fan of romance: I like the cuddling, the closeness, the companionship, even the kissing

Just getting over a break-up with a girl who was ace and just like that. We went spend the night at each others’ places like every other night or so and cuddle all night, and obviously neither of us had any sexual intentions.

While definitely not all of us are cuddly like that, I think it’s probably not as uncommon as you’d think.

[Meadow Rain]

I think average sexual people feel the same sometimes, they are in an affectionate mood and do not want to go any further than that…and that’s their right..if they don’t feel like it,they shouldn’t have to…too much false emphasis on sex these days in the media for the average person never mind asexuals…It’s almost enough to make turn average people off on account of the pressure…and sex and any kind of affection should not be forced, pressured, coerced or bullied.
Too much sexual advertising on TV movies, radio, computer..billboards etc….

[Anonymous]

I guess I’m romantically retarded, I found it was the simplest way.
There is much said about sex and the male, but don’t kid yourself, the vast majority of ‘ordinary’ women also desire it with somebody at sometime.
So naturally attraction leads to some kind of mental investment in the other person until ultimately sex is the expectation.
I found by not being romantic I kept people at sufficient arms length to stumble through my ‘laddish’ youth. Sure it made me look cold, and coupled with the fact I never initiated sex and really only did it after a drink when coerced I avoided the awkwardness of having to continually make excuses at some point or other.
There seems to be a quasi acceptance that women are allowed to be picky when it comes to sex, but also an expectation that the male climbs the wall in its pursuit and thinks of little else.
I’ve been called all sorts over the years, much of it to my face by slighted females and some by males for turning offerings down that embarrassed all.
I’m now a pariah. The term asexual is pretty new to me, I never had the luxury of using it as a mental safety net before…who knows maybe it would allow me to relocate to romance?

[Author]

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