[Violet]

Considering the low % of asexuals and how age/location/personality/interests are a factor in relations as well, how many of you would consider an open relation? It’s not a stable long term thing but sometimes you just get along with someone so well and sex is the only obstacle.

I’ve open to them but I’ve noticed guys expect girls to put out on the first date yet don’t like open relations. I also noticed all the virgin/abstinent guys I’ve talked to usually expect sex everyday in a relation.
I’m sexually selfish so I want either an open relation with an asexual or 50% sexual open relation with a non-ace. I could do a strictly asexual relation as well I suppose. Wants not need though.

Thought? Experiences?

[Lenka]

I could never be in open relationship. I don´t understand how anyone can.
I have always felt like the third wheel everywhere, I´ve never been the favourite child in the family, the popular person in the class…I want to feel loved and wanted and important at least once in my life – in a romantic, monogamous relationship with asexual, so there´s no way how I would enter an open relationship. I would rather stay alone forever that this.
+ I have phobia of sexual men anyway, so I wouldn´t enter any relationship except casual friendship with a sexual.

[Raell5]

I just recently learned there was an official label for my sexual preferences, or non-preferences, but I always wondered why 1. I was never jealous 2. I often liked a guy’s girlfriend more than I did him 3. why I wasn’t attracted to either gender 4. wondered why I didn’t judge promiscuous people, but just thought them “lucky” to be so social 4. Why I wanted to “share” my gorgeous mate with others 5. why I felt just as turned on by watching my mate do things as to do them with him

My tentative explanations;
1. my mixed genders make me asexual, canceling each other’s opposite sex attracton.

2. My strong libido seems to have little to do with people, except when a VERY long association with a close friend finally turns romantic then becomes sexual.

3. I’m about 60% transmale, and males I’ve known seem OK with sharing sex partners, seem to prefer threesomes, group sex, etc., and only limit themselves sexually to avoid losing a current mate.

4. I could be bisexual because I’m panromantic, and my last, bonded mate was bisexual. I didn’t actually do it, but the thought of adding more people to our romance didn’t arouse jealousy. The actual act might have triggered jealousy, however, because my female gender mode probably wouldn’t want to share.

[Von]

@Violet

To me, an open relationship isn’t a relationship at all. It’s just sex. And, since I’m not interested in sex, I’m not interested in an ‘open relationship’. 🙂

You say you ‘get along with them and sex is the only obstacle’ – I think this is something a lot of asexual girls I have met, feel. They want romance and a partner and a husband – but not sex. They put up with the sex, in exchange for what they want. If they feel like they’re not being given what they want (love, adoration, romance) the they feel betrayed, almost like an unspoken contract has been broken. Or, they try to ‘buy’ it back, with further sexual acts until it either all falls apart or they’re trapped in misery of their unintentional making.

🙁 I think it must be very difficult to be an asexual person who craves a relationship but is surrounded by people for whom a relationship is just another word for ‘having a sex partner’. Maybe there needs to be asexual conventions/meetings/speed dating locations just for people who are in fact still looking for a partner but literally don’t have any options at home.

[Violet]

The term relation means something different to everyone. For some people a relation just means sex and for some people an open relation means just sex. To me an open relation means freedom. Sexual acts are not something I equate to relations, love, or feelings. Being in an open relation means having sexual freedom for both of us. I meet many guys I get along with on a platonic basic but rarely sexually. I also don’t crave a relation, so that’s another reason why I prefer open relations.

Sexual compatibility is important to me whereas a relation is not as much. Or some asexual choose open relations occasionally as a compromise with ‘sexuals’.

[Joy]

@badwolf It is difficult. I tried to have a relationship with a sexual who knew I was asexual. It went south, even though I tried to do sexual things to satisfy that. Never mind the fact that it was killing me inside. I learned that I just can’t do that again, I would never be able to feel fully comfortable.

@Violet I understand where you are coming from Violet, and I understand why people do it. Personally, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that. I would rather have a relationship where my partner is okay with being celibate and also being able to take care of that “urge” if they have it, if they are not asexual too.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by Joy.

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