Thank you, Cat. What I’m trying to reconcile is the need to showcase my masculinity in order to perform in the bedroom. If so, then I will still have to approach my potential partner in a “heterosexual way” meaning doing THE mating dance in front – flapping my feathers and dancing the jitterbug with an asexual mind for the expressed purpose of wining my partner.
This I believe is not it for me. Therefore if not, then I must establish a fresh new paradigm with a selected protocol designed to manage my relationships. You see, Cat, I see this new found freedom as an asexual; an empowering change and a serious endeavor that is worthy of all acceptation. I was never the one for the “mating dance” shenanigans, anyway.
As I claim my ace/flux hetero-romantic sensitivities I’m still, with excitement, defining my true self apart from the societal binary norms. Just as you questioned your experiences with your male counterparts so do I with my female counterparts. I empathize with your bluntness and mirror your aversions of befriending males. My aversions are predicated on the idea of having to perform sexually for the females I’m with. This being the expected behavior that I must partake.
Females I was closely associated with were looking for their “Mandingo” warrior to swoop them off their feet. To tell the truth, I’m not the one. With the looming ‘sexual tension’, you discussed earlier, we both experienced caused us to back off from our human need for affection because we were asked to function heterosexually according to societal norms.
I understand your feelings concerning the need for a platonic relationship. With us (asexuals) rules and standards must be outlined from the beginning of our attempts to establish a relationship without sexual activity. This is something we don’t do when we are bringing into existence a relationship according to ways of society.
Cat, keep hope alive! As you said, “Friendships can still be formed that way but I always in the back of my mind will feel cautious around this person.” And with cautiousness, the key to awareness and forthrightness, guides us into the truth of who we want to be. Giving us ammunition to stand tall and confirm our new self definition.
“Anyway I would just like to experience any kind of relationship where that is not so.” I agree. Meaning we must provide a modicum of control in determining our relationship’s destiny. Until we get our asexuality life program in line, we will continue to fight the ways of non-asexuals heterosexuals to fortify our niche in the world. This is why things can get weird in a marriage or in a relationship. Of course the endgame is to drop the friendship to preserve our prevailing identity. The commonness that you mentioned about these exploits are generated by the ingrained binary teachings our society has lain on us.
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