[Anonymous]

About their general experience (or rather, lack of experience).
Or not. Whatever floats everyone’s boats.

I’ll start off anyway. I guess I feel as though I’ve never been “attracted enough” to anyone to go into a relationship with someone. I’m not sure if that’s actually true, or if I’m just scared of starting one, especially as I haven’t met many other asexuals, and starting a relationship with an allosexual is quite a terrifying idea to me if I don’t know them very well.

[Anonymous]

my interactions with people have been nothing but painful.
I was ostracized at a young age for many reasons, a giant scar on my face from a dog attack, and clothes that didn’t fit since my mother never really bought me clothes. This way continued into my later years when I had a job, good clothes, and I showed obvious signs about caring for my looks. This made many believe I was gay since I wasn’t really trying to date anybody. I tried making friends and I actually find it easy to make friends, but keeping them was difficult. Not because I have trouble with keeping them, it is just fulfilling their needs. To me people are like a plant that has to be constantly monitored or tended. So I just never really go out at all. especially with all the other disappointments that came along with trusting others. I guess I never really learned my lesson, cause here I am typing about my life again. I wonder if this silence this site shares just frustrates me so much, that I feel I need to share again, even though I know the outcome of this.

[Anonymous]

It makes sense to be terrified of being in a sexual relationship since you want to be able to fulfill the partner’s needs. While for the never been attracted part to others I can also relate since people can be beautiful or pretty, yet I don’t want to sleep with them just because they are pretty or beautiful. In a way it is much like the feeling that nonasexuals would feel at the young age when they do get the feelings for somebody but dont register nor understand those feelings. Although they get feel the attraction we feel the lack of attraction in away the same but still completely different.

[Caren]

I’ve personally never met anyone in real life who understood “no, i’m not attracted to anyone.” I found it very alienating especcially in high school and college when I was supposed to announce who I thought was “hot”– people I knew or celebrities. I would make things up to try to be normal, but it was always very uncomfortable.
I find that it is impossible, without being able to give off the “I want to have sex” vibe, to indicate that I would be interested in the romantic part of the relationship. I’ve definitely grown so close to people that I’ve felt the romantic feelings that go along with a relationship, but without that “chemistry” the other person never has any idea, and whenever I’ve tried to “come out” it just confuses people and they think I just don’t know because I haven’t tried it or am not attracted to the particular person I’m discussing. That’s true, but I’m also not attracted to anyone in that way, and I guess what happens is a whole lot of “well that isn’t possible,” which honestly hurts and makes it seem impossible to have any lasting close relationships– everyone I love eventually gets married and has to drift away from me so I don’t threaten their significant other.

[Emily]

I’m glad I’m not the only one. I recently tried dating due to push from family but I didn’t feel anything for the guy. He kept holding my hand and calling me beautiful and it just made me uncomfortable. This has happened before but I just thought it was cause of inexperience and nerves. But I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t want to date at least not the way my friends consider dating. I just want someone to relax with and watch netflix not “neflix and chill with”. :/

[Christina Mikkelsen]

When I was younger like maybe 15-17 (before I understood I was ace) I would go to different social events (parties etc.) and get as drunk as possible to somehow get myself able to sleep with someone there just to get it overwith.
Now that I’m older (20) I’m aware of my sexuality, I still struggle my way around figuring the rest out.

I’m so thankful that I had good friends (guys and girls) who would watch my back when I was not able to do so myself.

I still go to the parties, I still drink, but I’m in control of the situations now, I know what I want (cuddlebuddies and kissing partners) and what I don’t want (sex in some tent or dark room with anyone just because society would like me to have it).

I feel empowered when at these parties now, compared to a few years ago.

[Anonymous]

Old thread, but this is very relevant to my situation.

I’ve never dated. For one thing due to lack of attraction and severe sex repulsion, but also because I just never felt much interest in other people as a whole. Truth is I was rather misanthropic for the majority of m life, up until a couple of years ago. Only very recently I’ve started to actively try to get into contact with more people. I live an extremely secluded lifestyle and social interactions are not my forte at all. But I’m still human and still crave human contact on some level. As well intellectual exchanges, I make due with online friends but at some point that just isn’t enough anymore. So here I am. Trying really hard to pretend to be a social being despite my socially inept brain screaming in agony…

As for dating…Frankly, I hate the term “dating” altogether. It carries the implication of sexuality so strongly. It’s a level of intimacy that I don’t require, even find unpleasant most of the time. I want nothing to do with those weird romantic gestures like hand-holding and kissing. That kind of tactile interaction sets off my sensory overload. And my corny cliche detector. Maybe I am aromantic as well, I dunno. I’m perfectly fine with a hug on occasion, but only when I’ve given explicit permission for it. My personal space is highly important to me.

I suppose what I really, truly want is just someone to be there for me should I need them. Someone who’s fine with sitting in the same room and reading a book, watch a movie, play a game. Just basic human company. And I’m sadly aware that is not nearly enough social/emotional interaction for most people.

[Samantha Derr]

that is definitely along the lines of what I’m looking for! I’m ace-aro as hell. I’m not looking to date or for a spouse. but I would like a QPP, someone I can be with and engage with and interact with, without the standard dating/relationship expectations like sex or other physical romantic/sexual interactions.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never been interested in dating at all till I had got into my late 30s.
Always had crushes on boys/men but never wanted to have that type of relationship with them or have sex.
Always wanted to kiss and hug but no one ever wanted to do that with me. But Now at 41 I’m ready for a realtionship but of course it would have to be with another asexual.
Sex? Yeah but like every 2-3 months. And I know that would be humanly impossible with a “regular guy”
I’d also love to have romantic gestures,walks in the park,holding hands,hugging and kissing. So I’m waiting to finally experience that with someone,hopefully soon 🙂

[Jessica]

so im in my early 20s and ive never been interested in sex, i didn’t even know about asexuality until about a year or 2 ago i was hoping to talk to some people who understand, ive never dated so i have no idea where i am on the spectrum so yeah, want to talk?

[Anonymous]

I’m 33 and haven’t even been on a date. It isn’t that I haven’t wanted to date it more that I can’t really keep that want in focus. I am asexual so Sexual actraction isn’t there to remind me that I want a relationship. I might have been demisexual romantic in college but I really have no idea. I maybe just was motivated to try to make myself feel as normal as possible. I plan on eventually dating so I am focusing on my self esteem and trying to be more social. Any good social interaction makes me feel like I am bettering my life. In college I would do things like pretending I liked someone because they were sexually attracted to me and then couldn’t really care enough to date them especially because I knew from the beginning the romance wouldn’t work due to fact that I’m not polyamorous like they were. This happened more than once. I think I sort of felt that I should try to fix myself but had no motivation for it. I think that improving my self esteem will lead to happiness.

[Author]

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