The importance of looks

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
  • Author
  • #28030
    Amy Fowler

    Dear all

    I just recently learned about asexuality so sorry, if this is a stupid question. I find “conventional dating” (as opposed to asexual) very focused on how good-looking you are.

    What is the experience among asexuals? is it the same? less? more? focused on physical appearance?

    Take care

    Matt Dalonzo

    I have been asexual for the past 10 years. All my friends are either married, single and have one or more girlfriends, and some have children. I can survive in the sexual world however it is tough. As a bartender I constantly saw people hooking up gay and straight. It’s all the same. It’s the sound of a persons voice, the glance at the genitals, the touch of a persons physique.
    I have to ask-what is the communication problem with asexuals? Get to know people-get to know why people are asexual. I don’t want a profile here with a bunch of friends I never talk to. It’s tough being an asexual as it is so please help this gal out everyone!


    Physical structure is 100% irrelevant. People can’t help how they were born and I will never ever further reward or penalise someone for things they had no control over. But style can be insightful. Are you able to adapt to what you were given and try to make the most of it.


    I could not be with someone I was not aesthetically attracted too – which is usually younger foreign guys – I love kissing passionately with the tongue and get attracted to a guy’s face, if I am not attracted to his face then I could not be with him in a relationship with him and most definitely would not want him to be close to me or kissing me. I think a guy looks far better with his clothes on – clothes attraction I call it – don’t like nudity at all. With some people I am not repulsed by, and being a hyper-romantic, I can sometimes grow closer to a person and become more aesthetically attracted to him. For example a guy who is highly intelligent, and foreign – I don’t usually get attracted aesthetically to British guys, but if I become closer to them then I may a bit but not usually enough to be in a relationship with them. I hate muscles – toned is alright, and prefer a thin or athletic guy, and I don’t mind feminine eye lashes and like a boy next door look the most.

    Amy Fowler

    Thank you all. It seems that it varies a lot :-). I am happy to see that there are actually people out there who, like me, are exclusively focused on “inner values”. I have never understood the concept of love at first sight or why you would ask for a picture on a dating site. To me the look of a person is about as relevant as what they had for dinner on their 8th birthday.

    Matt Dalonzo

    I’m liking this conversation! Cmon people jump in let’s hear it! Thank you Amy, Kai and Sandra invite people to join in! This is the first time I have ever talked about this.


    I’m new to this site and have never dates. Though I do notice guys who are more my type, I guess that’s how to word it. Though my type is not always the hot, fit, typical good looking type. It can be but usually not. I feel that its more about the person’s personality than looks at the end of the day.

    charisma adams

    Ok so this is my first post on this site so please don’t be too harsh…
    here goes…
    I can admire someone’s looks, like for instance I complement every pretty girl I see (yes I think everyone is pretty in their own way but I mean pretty in a way I specifically find attractive) and there is a guy at my job who ii think is just the bee’s knees when it comes to looks BUT it’s not a factor in if I like you or not.
    If you maybe me happy then I will fall for you and end up thinking you are the most attractive thing in the world anyway.
    point being I think that looks can initially get you to talk to/be interested in someone but should not be the deciding factor because it can make you pass up someone that is perfect for you. Looks will fade/change who they are will not


    I don’t know how, but looks matter. Many people say that looks fade with age, but I’ve never found that to be true.

    At the same time, I’ve never know what features are linked to what I find attractive. I know it is mainly in the face. However, there are plenty of people who I am not attracted to in the least who are apparently models. And there are some people that others consider ugly that I find to pull my heartstrings.

    Oh I know, is that I would never consider dating someone who’s face I couldn’t look at the rest of my life.

    And some faces grow on me as friendship blooms.

    Bodies, however, I find matter. I have never been attracted to someone much younger or much older than I am.

    And an attractive body or face can be spoiled by a person’s personality .


    Your brain reacts to the looks in two ways.
    First is genetic compatibility: you subconscious self estimates the quality of offsprings which would result after mating with the subject you are looking at.

    Second, your brain evaluates social dividend you rip from being with this person in society. If the society values fat people, and if the person is fat you will want it, because by being with a fat person lifts your social status; if the society values blond people …. by analogy, you got the point.

    To that extent asexual people ignore genetic computation is unknown, but certainly asexual people have no reasons to ignore social value of “beauty” in a particular point of space and time.

    I am asexual and I do love hot chicks, the feeling I have is the same when I see a nice car or a private jet and ride/fly it, for example.


    I have my preferences of appearance, because, as some people mentioned above, it’s natural to observe and be influenced by the social values of beauty in each culture. Just as I’m quick to notice a pretty girl, I notice men who fit my ideal of “beauty” or attractiveness. I am still a heteroromantic gray-a, and a person’s looks do aesthetically catch my attention sometimes.

    Features such as a strong jaw, nice eyes, a happy and clean, white smile, clean and well-groomed hair or facial hair, nice clear skin, a body that they clearly take care of to a healthy degree, not necessarily really muscly, just toned and healthy. I’ve come across many men who fit these characteristics over the years though, and with a bad attitude, a lack of respect or intelligence makes me lose interest immediately. Someone aesthetically pleasing who also has a put-together appearance, a nice fashion sense, is clearly very clean and well kept, smells nice, is kind and funny and interesting… well, that catches my attention and has me all smiley and wondering what it feels like to hug and cuddle you, and watch movies and go on adventures together. 🙂

    That being said, I have dated men who barely fit any of those aesthetic characteristics, and because of their personality, cleanliness, assertiveness, sense of humor and kindness, I felt a deep connection with them.


    Looks don’t matter to me but I can’t stand male chauvinist & womanizer…

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

Membership required to post topics or reply in the forums...

Become Member
Meet asexuals is the first community and dating site for Asexual people. When major dating sites don't recognize our asexuality, we think that asexual people should have a place to meet and talk. Create your profile to search and meet other aexuals, or build a platonic relationship.



Go up