This group is for those who identify with having little or no sexual desire AT ALL. Romantic relationships are different; but some of us just truly do not experience sexual desire.
Hey there, new around here…
April 27, 2014 at 12:42 pm #2283RobinParticipant
Just found this site, unfortunately it seems any “asexual dating sites” are very lacking in content and usability. I guess we have to find love the hard way eh?
Anyway, this group pretty much describes me to a T. I’ve never enjoyed sex my entire life. Yes I’ve had childhood trauma and a terrible life, so I suppose I’m one of those statistics that the psychs like to say caused me to be this way, but regardless, I am this way, like it or not.
I’ve tried SO hard to be “normal” my entire life, thinking I had to force myself to “trade” sex in order to get what I really wanted out of a relationship which was love, understanding, cuddling, a partner in life and a soulmate. Because well, nobody deserves to be alone.
I’m sorry if my profile is lacking. I’d fill it out more if I could figure out how. As I mentioned earlier, this site seems to be all flash and no content. (Except I suppose these forums.)
A little about me: I live in San Francisco and grew up in the Bay Area (Fremont). I go to SFSU and am majoring in Japanese language to be a translator. I LOVE cats and I have two who are about 15 and 16. I also love video games (I have my whole life), especially music and rhythm games. But I also led a high end raiding guild in WoW for 4 years, and I enjoy a plethora of other types of games, both console and PC. I was a raver growing up in high school so I can appreciate electronica, but right now my idol is Lady Gaga. I like to say my “holy trinity” is Gaga, Taylor Swift and Ellen DeGeneres. Those three women are some of my highest role models in life.
My dad had been a computer programmer for the FAA his entire life, so I’ve grown up around computers and actually began majoring in computer science for a bit so I know some Perl and C++ as well as XHTML with a tiny bit of CSS (but of course that was so long ago I’m sure it’s been deprecated.)
I also used to be in love with anime (explains the whole Japanese major), and I’ve been to Japan before which solidified my love for the culture and language.
Well, it’s incredibly late and that’s the most I can think of off the top of my head for now with no prompts so I hope that someone might respond so we can get some communication going on around here! ;3~June 17, 2014 at 9:18 pm #2732metzenParticipant
Hi I am totally new just joined 5 minutes ago. This was the first Group forum and thread I found, seems there isnt much talk here. I hope there is more going on elsewhere on this forum because Im really interested in finding some likeminded people to talk to about being asexual and what that Means for finding meaningfull relationships. But I guess we as members are the only ones that can get that talking going in here.
Im a woman living in Denmark, Im searching for both friendships and “romantic” relationships on here.August 19, 2014 at 9:13 am #2990SoapyParticipant
There really is not enough talk going on around here…
Female, I’ve never been sexually abused or anything of the sort I just always thought that my friends were being influenced by the media when they started going crazy about sex… then I got older and watched the next generation in their sexual discovery and I realized that… it’s really something biological… like at a certain age, these people just start to see whoever and think that they want to kiss or grab them or what have you…
I just don’t understand. I never understood it. One of the more defining moments of my life was when I was at work and a customer came in who was a good-looking male and I helped him… after the left my coworkers were giggling about him and asking if I got his phone number, asking what his name was, etc…
I took note of the fact that he was pleasant looking but past that… he was just another customer. I didn’t think it was a horribly memorable or noteworthy experience and apparently it should have been…?
Then along came the guy friends… I make very clear to people up front that I’m not interested in relationships and they still try to woo me and a number of them have actually gotten mad at me… “After everything I’ve done for you, you still won’t date me?!” Ick. I thought we were just best friends… I didn’t realize that was in the cards… then they accuse me of being a tease or leading them on and I honestly have no idea how I allegedly do that…
I almost gave up on finding meaningful relationships because it always ends in that same kind of disaster… with some guy thinking that he’s done enough for me or that it’s been long enough that I should want to screw him by now.September 2, 2014 at 10:10 pm #3190SarahParticipant
Yes! I totally agree with you! I wish there was a better way for us to communicate on here. I have never, ever liked sex. I only did it because I thought I was “supposed to” and because I quickly realized that if I didn’t have sex, I would get cheated on. A lot of good that did. I got cheated on anyway…in every single relationship I’ve ever had. I, also, was sexually assaulted, but that wasn’t until I was 26. I’m now 33 and have a daughter who will be 2 next month. People find it very difficult to understand that it is possible to have a child even though the mere thought of sex disgusts me. My reproductive organs still work lolSeptember 12, 2014 at 4:07 am #3287Draw08Participant
For the first time in many years, I feel understood. Funny, I’m a psychology major and never diagnosed myself. At almost 50, I’ve come to accept I just might be asexual. When I was younger, sex was the “thing” to do. I’ve been married twice (and yes there have been deep issues) and I have two grown daughters; however, I have never enjoyed sex. Ever. As an older adult, I have no desire whatsoever. Yet, I long for a deeper connection with someone. Full of trust, honesty, companionship, traveling, goofing off, enjoying life…but no man I know is up for that type of relationship. I’d love any advice…September 12, 2014 at 11:46 am #3288SarahParticipant
Hi, Draw08! I also wish I had known that this is what I am. I just always thought there was just something wrong with me. I never told anyone that I never wanted to be physical with anyone. I just did it because I figured I was supposed to. Now that I see there is a whole community of people who are like me, I would love to find someone who I can be in a relationship with without knowing that I will be cheated on if I don’t have sex with them.September 12, 2014 at 7:44 pm #3292CaraParticipant
My experience is very similar to that of Soapy. I didn’t even begin to suspect I was ace until I was 18 in college and it was when I was 19 that I began to identify. I am 20 now and I’ve pretty much come to terms with it. I am slowly coming out to my friends, but I don’t really know if I’ll tell my dad or not. He is one of the most sexual people I know and I don’t really know how he’d handle it. My mom accepts my identity, but thinks it’s conditional/environmental due to the lack of good-looking fellas in my town. I realize that I have to be careful who I tell because not everyone is as accepting as my friends.For instance, my manager at work said “You’re 19. Isn’t that a little young to be making that decision?” and “You’re missing out on so many great opportunities.” =_=September 12, 2014 at 11:14 pm #3293ArielParticipant
My experience has always been really frustrating.
I’ve almost always known I was asexual, just never had a word for it.
While all the other girls in middle school were talking about all the things they wanted to do, I was content at just staring, maybe daydreaming of holding hands or simple pleasures like that.
Later in life, when I was actually in a relationship, I honestly?
Still had no sex drive. I wasn’t particularly surprised, but I still kind of hoped, honestly, that I wasn’t asexual. I mean, it seems like it’s already hard to find other asexuals, but asexual men, I dunno if it’s because society pressures the to BE sexually obsessed, even if they aren’t, or just if there’s more sexually interested men biologically. Either way, it’s really put a damper on my prospects of romance for the future.
I can say, luckily, the majority of my actual family is very open to it, though they also somewhat think I’m just kind of denying being a lesbian. But they’re nowhere near annoying or demeaning about it, so it’s nice.
Trying to tell my friends that aren’t asexual on the other hand… not so much.
I have one friend that is asexual like me and she is amazing. But sadly neither of us are into ladies so it’s a moot point. (That and, honestly, she may be aromantic? I dunno if I’ve figured that out yet, but she said she had a crush on a guy way long ago, so I dunno, but I figure I’ll let her figure it out herself. Maybe she just doesn’t fall like I do, IDK. None my business I guess! Lol.)September 12, 2014 at 11:24 pm #3294TzyporahParticipant
I just joined this site about a minute ago. I agree that there isn’t really a lot to talk about here, but maybe they will update the website at one point and make it easier for communication.
I am not sure if I am asexual or not. Through high school my friends always suggested that I was. I have been in love before, I am just less than interested in the physical side. I have no lobito…basically.
I’m not really sure what I’m trying to say here because I am really bad a writing this stuff. Last night I met a really great guy and he was the one who recommended that maybe I look into trying to communicate with other asexual people.September 13, 2014 at 2:35 am #3296JamieParticipant
It is so nice to finally find people who are like me…
I just found this website a couple days ago, along with after several talks with my mom, realizing that I am asexual. I’m 28, have always had very little to recently absolutely no sexual desires. I always knew what asexual was, but it never registered that that was me. In the car recently with my mom I told her how happy I believe I would be if I never had sex. Turns out she may be asexual as well.
I have Lyme disease and know increase sex drive is a symptom, and since I’ve had Lyme since middle school my sex drive possibly could have never had a chance to develop. But I’m very happy with that!
It’s nice to read other stories and meet others who feel the same way. It feels lonely sometimes being so different. Thank you all!June 22, 2015 at 9:36 am #26256KimSpectator
I’m kinda new to this site. I have never really had much of a sex drive growing up, and within the past few years u would say it’s pretty much non existent. I’m glad I have discovered the term “asexual”. This describes me very well. There is no point in me humering a relationship unless the guy understands that there will be no sex. Now I have come to realize recently, that even when you put that out on the table and let the guy know, he will probably go along with it and tell you he understands and he will wait. He probably thinks the girl is just a scared virgin, or maybe it’s just some phase. Then the guy gets mad at the girl later down the road for never having sex with him…..even though he has known since the beginning.
I don’t want that kind of relationship.
I have decided the best way is to find a guy who doesn’t want sex either. Otherwise you don’t really know what they are thinking.February 26, 2019 at 4:17 am #30898KelSpectator
Still a virgin. Saving myself for marriage because sex is scary and gross.
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.