December 30, 2019 at 6:58 am #31408
I am so thrilled to tell you that my Asexualise My Asexual Life channel, is the World’s First Asexuality Chat Show! To be precise, it’s the World’s First Asexuality late night chat show! I am really thrilled to make this happen! It’s essentially a personal development and self-growth channel, for asexuals! Specialising in, Asexuality/Surviving and thriving as an asexual in this highly sexualised world, Dating/Relationships, Spirituality/Mindset, Personal Growth/Self-Love.
I recently wrote a blog post on my http://www.asexualise.com blog, about how this happened, and I want to take this opportunity to share the content of this post, right here, for you! So here goes!
I thought I was heterosexual for years, but I just didn’t like sex, as I didn’t associate sex with love, but loved to kiss. But when I realised I could no longer have sex, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it ever again, and I nearly wet myself because I was fearful of dating sexuals because of the expectation of sex at the end of the date, I knew something had to be done about it, because I felt I was the only one in the entire world, planet and universe that felt this. So I went to see a counsellor. But… it didn’t go well at all. She said the worse thing in the world, that I really didn’t want to hear. And that was if I wanted a relationship, I must have sex in order to keep a good guy. Something seemed very flawed about this perspective. If the guy was a good guy, why would he want me to do things that were not good for me, as part of a relationship with me! To me that made no sense. It was like giving a license for rape to happen, disguised as what a ‘good guy’ would be allowed to do, in order for me to keep him! This defied all my reasonable ‘healthy-for-me’ logic! So I went home and Google “I love kissing and not sex” and that is when I came across Asexuality.org and realised there were others like me who didn’t like sex, and who didn’t need it in a romantic relationship to be happy. And that’s when I discovered I am indeed a heteroromantic asexual, not heterosexual.
That was in 2014, when I first discovered I am Asexual. Back then, I couldn’t talk about sex publicly or about my past sexual relationships publicly. I had almost given up completely on the idea of having a relationship and dating ever again. And my past relationships weren’t great, but the opposite.
In October 2015, for Asexual Awareness Week, I decided to get out of my comfort zone, open up about past sexual relationships, and announce to the world, that I am in fact, a heteroromantic asexual! On my http://www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife channel. It took me awhile to get used to speaking openly on my channel, but when I received comments from viewers, that they found my videos helpful and they were glad they found my channel, it made me happy to continue to create and upload videos and I decided to not copy other asexuality channels, just to become popular, but to share my own asexual life journey in order to help others, to empower asexuals to be comfortable and confident with their own Asexuality, and to educate others! Little did I know back then, how this channel would grow into the unique Asexuality late night chat show it is today!
In 2017, I published my first ever book for Asexuals, called Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Diversity, under my own publishing imprint of Quirky Books. Little did I know at the time, just how popular this book would be and continues to be, to this day. Helping asexuals, those who lack sexual attraction, and who are a recorded 1% of the population, to know there are others like them in the world, who don’t get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sexual intercourse, and to know it’s okay, you are not alone and that sex does not equal love, and it is possible to live, love, and be happy, without sex forever, in a loving, happy, and healthy relationship, be it romantic or platonic, or if you don’t ever want to be ‘in a relationship’ it’s okay! (I am currently working on my second book for asexuals which will be published in 2020, with 4 more books planned for asexuals. Each book focuses on different topics, within the asexual spectrum!)
In July 2018, I wanted to do something special for Asexual Perspectives Awareness Month, so I started to live stream on my channel, every day, for 31 days. But when the 31 days was over! I got the bug for live streaming. I realised how many more asexuals I could help, rather than in private message one-on-one, if I just let anyone and everyone ask me questions directly in the live stream chat. I could offer something unique, that no other asexuality channel was offering. A way to get instant answers about asexuality, about my own life experiences, and to help other asexuals to overcome depression, like I had done in 2012; lower their anxiety, and get a better mindset and a better quality of life! Fast forward to today, and I am still live streaming daily, but now it’s evolved into being an online daily late night chat show which at its heart, is a Personal Development and Personal Growth channel for Asexuals, and the world’s first of its kind. Specialising in, Asexuality/Surviving and thriving as an asexual in this highly sexualised world, Dating/Relationships, Spirituality/Mindset, Personal Growth/Self-Love. These days, it’s not uncommon for many (not all), of my streams to last over an hour, sometimes two, and the odd occasion has even been over 3 hours long. All of that time has been spent helping asexuals for free, and allies, who also form part of my regular viewership. So on average 7-14 hours a week! My live streams most often start after 11pm UK time.
I have been learning about personal and professional development since 2012. I have also been heavily involved in the Asexual relationships and dating scene, with being on Asexual dating sites since 2014, running 3 Asexual dating Facebook groups, and learning a lot more about healthy dating and relationships dynamics since studying a pattern changing course in 2013, and subsequently learning much more in the last couple of years. I am keen to help as many asexuals as possible to develop long-lasting healthy friendships and relationships, with life, with love, with others, and with yourself. To help grow you as an individual and realise your true potential and beauty, in your own uniqueness.
I would love you to join my channel community, if you think this is something you could benefit from, please subscribe at http://www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife, and hit the bell icon so you get notified whenever I go live, which is usually each and every day, unless for some reason I am staying away from home and have no access to live streaming, such as over Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Year’s.December 30, 2019 at 6:59 am #31409
Looking forward to seeing you there xxDecember 30, 2019 at 8:55 am #31410monicaSpectator
Hello Sandra and thanks for this message. I so didn’t know all these resources exist! Like you, I always felt like I’m the only one in the world who feels this way. To be honest, I still do sometimes. It’s not like anyone discusses this, which surprises me. After all, 1% of the population (which may be an underestimate) is still a lot of people. Millions in this country, to be exact. Think of all the attention transgender people get, and there’s a lot fewer of them. (No offense intended.)
You touched on a topic that always interested me, long before I thought of myself as ACE or anything other than heterosexual. Why is everyone equating sex with love and vice versa? People even refer to having sex as “making love.” How do you make an emotion, a feeling? It never made any sense to me. People rape for sex, or pay for sex. Where’s the love? Conversely, you can be deeply in love and not have a great desire to have sex. For people with average or high sexual drive it’s a need, just like eating, sleeping, etc. It’s not an emotion, just biology.
I’m curious what others think of this. Again, I’m very new here and to this whole community, so I’m very green about things others may take for granted.
MonicaJanuary 10, 2020 at 8:25 pm #31424
Hi Monica, glad to be of help to you. I did PM you back too.
Yeah, I personally think it’s higher than 1%, because I think a lot of people are unaware that they aren’t the only one person to feel like that in the world. I also think asexuality specifically, is very under represented. Its very different to LGBT, in the sense those people are still sexually attracted to others, whereas as we aren’t and I think that needs a louder voice.
I finally understood what the difference is between making love and having sex, but at the end of the day, it’s still having physical sexual intercourse and not necessary to love someone. Sex is just one physical form of expression of love, that some people like and others don’t. And for some people, like me, sex has nothing to do with love and is a separate thing entirely. And love and sex are two separate things in and of their own right anyway. And is not necessary to have sex, in order to love someone. Like you said, some sexuals need sex, it’s one of their physical needs. I do have physical kissing needs in a relationship, I love it like a favourite hobby, with my clothes on, but not sex.
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