What makes you Asexual?

[Anonymous]

I want to start off by saying that this is in no way meant to be a ‘How Asexual Are You’ kind of thread. This isn’t about classifying, or setting boundaries on what is/isn’t asexual. It’s about finding just how many people are actually like you. And it’s about understanding the differences in between us, a sort of mapping the vast territory which is asexuality.

I felt the need for this thread because while there are many groups for specifying one’s individual situation – chances are there’d be almost as many groups as people. There’s also the ‘Asexual Story’ thread which is a great place to express your unique experience, but I think there are many not willing to openly express those depths to anyone just glazing by. So, the question really is: What makes you identify as being asexual?

A personal note: For the sake of transparency, I really want to explain why I felt the need for this thread. It is this: Though I have joined a site where everyone is presumably ‘asexual’, I still have a rather hard time believing that there are other people out there who are like me. Across this site and others, I’ve encountered many different angles of asexuality (from celibates, to those who only feel desire when with some close, and so on) – honestly much more than I recognized. And so I just wanted to see it all in one concise place – the variety under what is called Asexual, and where I fit in.

[Anonymous]

I have personally never consciously felt sexual desire towards any person. I say consciously because I recognize the fact that I am sexual, and if I was no longer fully conscious I might engage in sexual activity. Though, I’d have to be very mentally incapacitated. Like a troll(Harry Potter ref. xD). Any understanding I have has come from considering myself and dreams. I’ve never had any sexual experiences with another person. At the most, I’ve seen people nude and felt nothing other than uncomfortable, or nothing at all. I still wonder what peoples’ fascination is with nudity. I’ve never wanted to touch/be touched in any way that wouldn’t be thought of as appropriate for ‘just friends’ aside from kissing. That said, at the onset of puberty I had sexual dreams involving males and females. However, those haven’t continued since.

———————My philosophical ramblings, can ingnore 😉 —————–

Returning to the idea of consciousness, I believe there are three modes to our existence: Body, Soul, and Spirit. These three are separate, but intertwined and the result is our life in the present state. In order for something to be truly enjoyable, it must be pleasing each of those 3 aspects. Or, to be even somewhat enjoyable an experience over the 3 modes must net positive. Due to my experiences/understanding, the reality of sex truly displeases my soul – much more than the body may be pleased. The spirit for the most part neutral, in a non-active case. So, that’s my personal understanding of why I’m asexual.

There have been several people I have been attracted to however, but I’ve never had an attraction to someone that was purely physical. I’ve been attracted equally to males and females, but I have a preference for males who are less masculine overall. Returning to the body/mind/spirit reality, there is something I feel on a spiritual level that unites males and females (or perhaps the masculine with the feminine). I can’t express it well, but I like to think on it and work at discovering it. Perhaps it is something to do with that also.

——————————–end ramble—————————————

Despite there being people I’ve been extremely close with, the most intimate physical acts I’ve ever desired to do was to kiss them, or be really close for prolonged periods of time (like cuddling while watching a movie).

Summary: I think I am biologically a sexual person, though my disdain for the activity and anything related (which I believe began at the early age of 6 when I was disallowed having boys as friends) interfered with my ability to feel sexual attraction/desire, effectively blocking it. That, or potentially also something to do with my masculine and feminine natures cancelling out.. maybe.

Edit: This probably goes without saying, but I’m going ahead and saying it anyway haha. No one needs to feel presured into typing this much. 😉

[Lenka]

Everything. I´m the walking asexual stereotype. I´m slightly autistic (Asperger´s syndrome) and unable to connect with 99,9% of people on emotional level. I have depression and trust issues. My self-esteem is terribly damaged thanks to bullying at school, at home…or basicaly everywhere where I go. People just hate me and I don´t know why. I´m biologically female but I have half-guy-half-girl personality and looks. I never use make-up, I hate all stereotypically girly things like fashion, high heels, sexy clothes, shopping…

I hate sex. Absolutely hate it. I wish it didn´t exist. For me, sex is the opposite of love. It´s degrading, brutal, selfish act. Body fluids are the most disgusting thing but for some weird reasons, sexuals just need to splash that shit on their partner´s body… Bleah… And it´s not acceptable to say “no” to this. It´s not acceptable to refuse oral sex. It´s not acceptable to wait for about a year with sex and get to know your partner really well to feel comfortable with them first to make sex at least somewhat bearable. It is just what it is in this society… Sex is almost the only thing that matters in the relationships. And I hate it so much… I hate all these selfish people who use their partners and rape them and say it was their fault because they refused to have sex and sex “is their duty in a relationship”.
Sex turns people into heartless monsters and I don´t want to even think about its existence… I eneded up emotionally traumatised when I tried to understand sexuals and their motivations. I want my naivety back. I want to believe people have sex only when they are very much in love and never hurt each other, but the opposite of this is actually truth… People have sex because they are horny, selfish jerks.

I am afraid of all sexual men (= of all men because I can´t recognize asexual men from sexual ones). I can´t stand the way they treat me. They sexualy harass me, try to get me somewhere private where they could rape me… And if they don´t do this, they insult me for my looks. And sometimes they do both, which is crazy. OK, bastard, if you think I´m ugly, why the Hell do you want to have sex with me?!
People just make no sense to me. And sex makes even less sense.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by Lenka.

[Kenna]

Interesting thread. My mindset toward my asexuality is “whatever, man” so I’ll try to make this as involving as possible.

I have never had any sexual experience in my life. Not even romantic (beyond the exchange of words). No cuddling, no hand holding, no first kiss, zip. Which does make me sound like a shut-in. But every time someone asks me out on a date, I feel like they’re weird about it. I get that people get nervous. But I want to wave my hand in front of their face and say, “hello? I’m the same person you’ve been talking to for four months. Why are you acting so different around me?” My conclusion is always the same: this way of interacting is less fun than being just plain friends. I rarely ever want romance, so the idea of having to explain to someone that I don’t want to act like their sig. other 90% of the time is exhausting.

I can form crushes of different kinds. There’s your typical school girl crush where I’m head over heels in love with someone the moment I meet them (I fall especially hard for girls). Then there’s people I crush on who I have a lot of fun with from conversing and hanging out together (this has happened…once). Whichever happens, I’m content to never let the other person know of my feelings because that’s not important to me. I cherish the bond. I don’t need to change it or progress it.

I am very much the same in most aspects of my life. I am fine with everything. I want for almost nothing. You could compare me to an observer. So naturally I wouldn’t be into sex because it’s the opposite of passive. Imagining me being into sex is as silly as imagining me being into Laraki cars. They’re so unnecessary.

I realize that I’m lucky to have this attitude as many asexuals suffer upsets from wanting more out of their relationships but not the sex. I am not a typical asexual (at least I don’t think so) but I’m glad that people see that an asexual’s experience can vary as much as any straight’s or gay’s.

[Anonymous]

I get this.
I’ve never done anything physically romantic either. Except for with a few people, very meaningful handshakes. xD I’ve never been asked out, I assume because whenever I sensed things were getting to that level, I shut them out. Yep.. the sudden weirdness is what tipped me off. 😉 And I understand, I’m still really going-my-own-way so any s.o. wouldn’t really seem that significant to me, to the outside eye. Hopefully, they themselves wouldn’t see it that way haha. xD But, it kind of relates back to romance. For me, just having a great conversation can be really romantic – so, I can be fully satisfied and then some with just that, making anything more not really necessary.. It depends on my mood, but generally it doesn’t take much ‘romance’ for me to be happy. Your comment about the bond really hits me. That’s what’s really special. Those ‘you get me, I get you’ kind of feelings. When you meet someone’s eyes for the split moment in the midst of what you’re doing, and just recognize them.

side note: I’m not supposed to be here, but I made the mistake of coming and reading this …now I can’t /not/ respond! Bit oc with these kinds of things. 😉

[Author]

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