So… very new to this. Friends?

[Kim]

Hi all!
I’ve been thinking about doing this for a good long while, and tonight something just clicked. So I’d like to do some kind of brief intro to myself and my situation, maybe make some friends and get talking.
I would be very happy to both make new friends and find a serious relationship here on the site. I’m in the UK but would consider distance to chat and get to know everyone properly. I just hit 31 and I’ve slowly been realising that my serious relationships during my twenties really always fell apart on the sexual side. I love to be affectionate and romantic and have had those feelings with both guys and girls (though I’m usually more into guys), but there’s a certain line that, once crossed, makes me feel uncomfortable. I guess I just thought it was something you had to do to be somebody’s girlfriend, like a duty to fulfil. But now I’ve explored the concepts and ideas around asexuality more, I’m hoping to learn to find a way to have a fulfilling and affectionate relationship in a new and more meaningful way that doesn’t rely on that element of life.
So… yeah that’s me. Sorry if it’s a bit raw but I’m nothing if not honest! Would love to chat to anyone who can relate or offer advice to a newbie, and of course message me if you’d like a proper chat. What are you guys into? Any nerds out there? Any writers or theatrical types?
Kim

[Atina]

I literally just teared up when I read your post. I’m a 31 one year old woman myself with love for both women and men and I’ve been in a relationship with my husband for five years. As much as I love him I cannot bring myself to continue to have sexual encounters with him. But I feel like it is my “duty” as a wife to do so. I feel our relationship slowly unwinding because of the entire sex situation. I’ve even recently allowed him to experience sex outside of our relationship. Sorry to pretty much spill my entire life story to you lol. It just feels amazing knowing that I’m not the only one in the entire world with these feelings.

[Sammie]

Hey!

I am a 37 year old non-binary ace in the UK. I have had relationships with several guys and a girl (one at a time, over a number of years). I could never push myself enough to actually engage in any sexual stuff, thus resulting in most cheating on my, and one dropping me home one day then blocking my number and social media accounts. Didn’t say a word. My last one (and longest) ended in 2012.

I have only recently (the last two years) started making true friends, and my two best friends I met through the asexual community. We communicate most days via FB or email mostly, and they live a couple hundred miles away, but I now travel to visit them at least a few times a year, and I am slowly travelling more and more to other places.

Interests wise, I have been creating my own created universe since I was 8 years old, that I work on most days. It is extremely detailed and complex, and currently I have two variations in development. I also love Star Trek (and have an ongoing project with that, as well as help someone else in the States with theirs), and many other science fiction shows, and learning new things (mostly about science and history, but anything really). I usually have about 3-5 creative projects going on at any one time, primarily to do with world-building. I also love to learn about other people’s creations and ideas.

Sam

[Anonymous]

I’m also a 31 year old female, I signed up for this because recently I’ve become very frustrated with meeting people (mostly men) and connecting with people when they have motives that I don’t share. I just want to connect with people and share interests and be open without someone listening to me or telling me what I want to hear for their own hope of sexually gratification and then disregarding me and our friendship when they don’t get what they were hoping for. I have been sexual in the past, but it’s always felt like it was for someone else and like I was being used and then they left me anyway. I’m not sure who I am or what I’m looking for, but I know i want to be known and appreciated for me and not someone’s end game notch.

Elz

[Misha Anastasia]

Hi! I’m a 29 year old ace waaaaaaay over here in Arizona, USA.

I knew I wasn’t like most other people starting in middle school when everyone would have crushes and I rarely did and then in high school, and then college. I thought I was broken and wrong until in one of my lectures the professor taught us about asexuality and a lightbulb when off in my head and I was like “Oh, there’s a word for me, I’m not a freak”.

I’ve tried dating in my early twenties but it always fell apart because I would have to tell the guy that I’m asexual and they would either ditch me immediately or say that we could just be friends (which wasn’t what I wanted but I understand that sex is important to some people) and then three months later start treating me like crap and getting mad at me because it turns out they didn’t want to be friends they were just waiting around to “wear me down” or to see if I would “change my mind” and then were pissed that they “wasted their time”.

I shut down for a few years and didn’t even consider dating because I was just so tired of it.

I’ve been trying again recently and I went on this date with this guy who kept kissing my face over and over and it was just really weird but I just let him do it because I didn’t want to have the “conversation”. I eventually told him I wasn’t into him like that and haven’t heard from him since naturally.

Just getting my friends and family to understand is a battle. I’m really happy this site exists and I know I’ve been rambling but this is the first time I’ve ever talked to anyone like me.

[Alessandro Orlando]

Same here, I’m 42 and knew from the time I was a young adult that I was asexual. I just did not know the word
for it, and until reading this forum I never knew that there was anyone else out there like me. Dating has been a struggle
from the beginning. Every month at a certain time my partner would be in need and I could not fulfill those
needs fully. No matter how much I worked at it, I always felt like the failure and the reason the relationship would
die. Romanticism and emotional support were not enough. After 20 years I’ve come to terms with the fact that maybe it is my destiny to be alone.

As others have mentioned previously in this thread, it can be quite depressing when no one can see you as anything
more than a friend. We all have so much love to give, just not in the way many others understand it.

Reading the posts on this site is wonderful because at least we know we are not alone. It is very therapeutic and hopefully with enough of us sharing
our thoughts, teenagers and younger people who may come across this forum will find comfort in knowing they are not alone.

[Trevor]

I felt like sex was my duty to initiate as a man by making the sexual advances from as early on as the first date. The way I’ve watched men talk dirty to girls and seeing the women respond to it still to this day turns me off. I think it’s just a disgusting portrayal of human interaction so I largly avoided talking to women for this sole reason. I don’t know how to get out of the “just talking” or “dating” phase because sex is what’s next and I’m not that type of person.

So I don’t waste a girl’s time to avoid getting laughed at which might bring back some insecurities or some ish like that.

[Author]

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