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Just a few decades ago, we weren’t even expected to have sex outside of marriage. Suddenly all that changed, and all of us were supposed to start having bunches of sex all the time. It’s so common that huge numbers of people say they would never marry someone with whom they hadn’t already had sex many times, to be sure the spouse was “sexually compatible.”
What does this mean? Is he worried that Tab A won’t fit into Slot B? Babies come out of those; of course it will fit. No, he doesn’t really fear that she might be from an alien species which is sexually incompatible with his own. That’s a euphemism. He wants to make sure she’s willing to have sex whenever he wants and to include whatever gross kinks he may have developed.
In the long run this is impossible, because people’s sex drives change over time. While it’s unusual never to want sex, it’s not that strange to like sex at 25 and be over it at 50. Our sex-obsessed society pathologizes this and usually suggests dosing the over-it partner with hormones, which is one of many giveaways to our collective obsession. Nobody will ever suggest that the partner who still wants some sex should be dragged to a doctor for meds to cool his jets. Either the over-it partner remakes herself for the sex partner, or “incompatibility” leads to dumping a spouse of decades and calling it a sad necessity.
Sex shouldn’t be that important to anyone.
Just imagine dumping a loving, caring, hardworking spouse because you’re paleo and she’s not. If you announced that you were divorcing her due to your dietary incompatibility, people would think you were hiding the real reason. They’d expect you to put in a little effort on intersections and compromises before deciding it’s impossible to live with someone who doesn’t eat the same way. On the other hand, if he’s a kinkster and she’s not, a shocking number of people would tell him to end the relationship.
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