Recent Breakup

[Lana]

The guy I was dating and I broke up last week.
Though we only dated for a little less than 3 months, I’m having a REALLY hard time with it.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it and I figured out why…

He is the first of my significant others that has accepted my asexuality and never pressured me to do anything with him.
I am afraid I won’t find someone that accepts and supports me, like he did/does, in the future.

I have been dumped so many times in the past because I didn’t want to do what my partners wanted, sexually speaking.
One or two of my exes guilted/pressured me into doing stuff with them that I immediately regretted and still regret.

I am seeking support or encouragement or help from people who have dealt with stuff like this.
And from people who are happily with another asexual, or a sexual who accepts and supports you, who chooses to be abstinent/celibate for you.
Really just anyone who even understands what this is like, please offer me your words of advice or anything else you want to say.

Thank you,
~Lana

[Bonnie]

I was also recently dumped almost a month ago. A few days ago i sent him an essay of a text to tell him what sort of pain i had felt up until that day because something he told me he did upset me. He humored me and told me that he wanted to give it another chance but when I expressed uncertainty yesterday that was when we made things clear that it would most likely never work out. He told me that in truth he didn’t want to get back together and run the risk of hurting me by stringing me along. BUT he did still have feelings for me, cared about me and loved me deep down, things just weren’t gonna last forever in the long run. So now I am in the process of accepting these facts while maintaining my deep friendship with this person.

He was a very supportive guy and did not force me to do anything i don’t feel comfortable with. When we were together I would let him have sex with me when he wanted it to make him happy, even though for me I didn’t enjoy the actually intercourse part most of the time. I didn’t mind as long as he was happy. We were happy in the relationship but things didn’t work out for other reasons but i am glad i got to at least experience it.

I too feel like it is going to be hard to find a person that will accept my lack of interest in sex, but maybe we are just being to pessimistic. I think it’s best to just go with the flow and live life without overthinking it. and when we do find someone to be in a relationship with again whether its a ex or a new person it will work out as long as you communicate it to them what your needs are.

[Graham]

I am sorry about your breakup. I have only had one relationship and it ended badly. Thatbwas 9myears ago. I have been in and out of mental health since and been on several types of meds. I stayed in touch with my ex as I became codependant. He has now cut of all contact and sent me crashing again. I keep analysing why he is being so nasty. I keep getting flash backs and can visualise things that have happened so vividly. I keep asking myself, why what happened. I remember even the smallest of things. Its like torture. Tried to overdose the other day.

[Author]

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