no one to sit with

[Sue]

I have been going to my present (Lutheran) church for about 3 years. The hardest part for me is making friends. Without a husband or kids, I don’t have much common ground with other people. I don’t even need a “deep” friend, just someone who knows me and whose name I know, and know a little about! It’s slow going, but I’m starting to get there. It helps to take part in a ministry, like the food bank or some other service. It just feels sad to me, going into worship and having no one to sit with. (Not necessarily looking for advice. Just wondering if anyone else has felt like this.)

[Niki]

Totally! Sue, you aren’t alone. I personally kind of like sitting alone, sometimes. Other times I feel bad that no one wanted to invite me to sit with them, or that I wasn’t brave enough to ask someone else, or just join a random group to sit with. It seems like I’m always going to be a slight outcast for not having a significant other. There isn’t a group I belong to. I solved this by joining the church choir. It gave me a group of people I belonged to and led me to other things and friends in the church. You do what you are comfortable doing. I’ll tell you what I’ve learned and you do with it what you will. People are super self absorbed. They aren’t thinking, ‘look at the person over there sitting alone.’ They are thinking about what they have to do later or did anyone notice this zit on my chin. Some are even wondering if anyone wants to sit with them. When I started asking if I could sit with people no one ever said no. I’d introduce myself. If they talked with me that was great but if they didn’t I’d sit with someone else next time. No matter what family support or friend support someone has everyone feels nice when someone else notices them. Be brave. Go make friends.

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