Never done this before I need friends :)

Asexualitic : Meet Asexuals Forums General discussion Never done this before I need friends :)

This topic contains 7 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  vito 5 days, 6 hours ago.

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #31611

    Trevor
    Participant

    I dont even have facebook. I never really dated because I’m afraid of the whole sex thing I been struggling with. I avoid the issue by staying single and that sucks because I do want a relationship.

    I knew something was different with me all thru my teenage years but this past year I really looked at myself and said wtf is going on. I was attracted to a girl but had no desire for sex. So I began to google deeper into my issue thinking I have ED or another medical issue. Turns out I’m just asexual

    Still confused about jt. I’m 24 but want a kid but I don’t need sex but want a real relationship. I should say I believe sex has to happen to be as intimate as I want to be with a girl but I’m not after sex for the se reason for dating.

    I never put my image and name out on the internet before so I’m very vulnerable. I figure It’ll be good to meet people like me.

    #31615

    Wanda
    Participant

    Hello Trevor. I’m Wanda. I’m 61. When I was younger than you I heard the word asexual, didn’t know what it meant so out came the dictionary. There were no computers then. After reading the definition I realized that was me. I couldn’t accept that because it made me weird, out of the norm. With every relationship I tried to be normal and of course it didn’t work. I tried sex therapy, hormone treatments, even a lesbian relationship. Nothing worked. 5 years ago I decided to just be me, a bisexual asexual and I started telling friends and family. I just joined a dating website and stated that I’m asexual and what it means. In other words I’m out there. My best advice as a much older person is just be you. Be open with the young lady right away before your emotions get involved. And keep trying. There is someone out there for you.

    #31617

    Trevor
    Participant

    Thanks for the reply Wanda. I found out who I am and love the me I’ve become. I feel like being upfront with ladies will lead to a ton of dead ends lol.

    #31643

    Beth Ann
    Participant

    Hi Trevor!

    It takes a lot of bravery I don’t have to be honest with sexual people about not having the same orientation. It is a lot easier to fake it or put some other label on it like tell them I’m a lesbian or something because for some reason that is more generally understood and accepted than being asexual.

    Wishing you bravery because the alternative is deceit, which is far worse. Take it from me, a long time deceiver. You can find who you seek with honesty and it is literally impossible without it. They are out there, those who are also hiding in the shadows, hoping for the relationship you are looking for. Good luck!

    Strength to you!

    #31645

    Robyn
    Participant

    Hi Trevor, I’ve been in failed relationships which resulted in two children but I’ve known the whole time that the whole sex part for me was not what I’ve wanted in a relationship so inevitably all my relationships have dwindled away to nothing. I am grateful for my children but it hurts to know that I never said that I was asexual and learned to be happy in a functioning relationship. I’m growing in confidence to say to the right people that I am asexual but it’s scary. It’s a relatively undiscussed thing in relationship seeking. Wishing you the best

    #31660

    Lottie
    Participant

    Hey Trevor,

    I am also very new to this but very much realise I am asexual now. I think it’s a beautiful way to be – appreciating the beauty in others without any desire for sex. I feel vulnerable here too as this is the first time I have publicly (somewhat) opened up to anyone about it.

    Here if you’d ever like to chat – I have added you 🌻

    #31662

    Trevor
    Participant

    Hey Lottie. I got an email notification of your friendship request but it seemed to glitch ojt. It tells me I have a request than I go to the page and it says I don’t have any.

    Maybe if you can revoke it than request it again it’ll work

    #31664

    vito
    Participant

    Trevor, so much of our society reinforces tropes about how people initiate a relationship—that it is fated, effortless or allied against outside forces (romantic comedy), that it always ends well. And then people bring those tropes into dating life. From what I see around me most relationships are a disaster and some long-term relationships are actually “compatible dysfunctions” its what french call a psychosis of two. Anyway, my point is by being honest with yourself you are more likely to find someone who can share your reduced sex needs. Modern life has people with all sorts of fetish perversions whatever and they find each other, so why cant asexuals other than because of a related asociality? I also think there is a subtle double standard— we cannot expect someone with a normal to high sex drive to stay around yet we are expected to normalize our sex performance and that to me is like the “passing” lifestyles of earlier eras.

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