Looking for friends in ADDITION to relationship. New here & to ACE, need to talk

[monica]

I just joined this site tonight but, more importantly, I came to identify as an ACE a very short time ago. Everything makes sense now, but I’m a total novice at this. I never told anyone in my life about this and would love to make friends on this board. I signed up because I’m interested in finding a man for a committed, no-sex relationship. But I realize that won’t be easy. In the meantime, I’d love to hear from any of you who would like to share stories, experiences and advice — male or female. Thank you kindly.

Monica

[Sabina Darby]

Hi I live in n.y. but I can not seem to find a white, man , 60 -70 y.o.in my area who does Not want sex. Been a member for several years. What m i doing wrong?? Any suggestions?? I wish there was a meeting place for this asexual group.. thanks sd

[Juan]

Hi monica, i am in the same position. Just discovered this term that explains many things that happened in my life. I feel excited because well, i see not everything is lost, as i thought after my last broke up, some months ago.
Now i understand it will be almost impossible to have a serious relation with a non-ace woman. Never late to learn.

[Anonymous]

Hello! I only just joined this site myself, and this is the first time I’ve identified as an ACE. I was married to my best friend for 19 years. I had sex with him only because I knew he truly needed it. He knew that I didn’t enjoy it at all. He thought he was bisexual, and I was fine with his attraction to men. I have severe autoimmune issues and he knew it was too dangerous to be with anyone else sexually and then be with me. He ended up lying to me and being with a man. He thought I would leave him and break up our family. I never would’ve left him. Our family meant everything to us. I would’ve made it work, somehow. I intended to hold his hand for the rest of my life. The lying and the thought that he had hurt our family caused him to have a mental breakdown. He took his own life a little over 3 years ago. I’m lost without him. He was the only person in my life that ever had my best interests at heart. He was the last person I will ever be sexual with. I am very affectionate, and I love holding hands, cuddling, hugs, etc. If I can’t find someone to be in a committed relationship without sexual contact I will be alone until I die. This is all so frustrating. Up until now I have wished I could just be “normal”, whatever that means. But now I’m owning who I am. The fact that I found real love at all makes me hopeful that it can be found again.

[Jenny]

Hi Kisha, my name is Jenny. I’m so glad you posted. And I’m so sorry to hear you list your husband and best friend. That sounds like it has been very very difficult. I was married for 22 years, now divorcing. It’s been about a year since I’ve realized I’m asexual. I am like you, I like physical affection, just not sex. We had sex throughout our marriage and it was very difficult, although I didn’t know why. We have three kids. I have similar feelings about the thought of possibly never meeting another man to grow old with, because most men really like sex a lot. I have come to terms with it, but it makes me feel very empty and sad. Right now I’m just trying to figure out who I am. One thing that makes me feel good is knowing I never have to have sex again. I would like to be your friend. I am sending you positive energy.

[monica]

Hi Kisha and Jenny,

That makes 3 of us. It’s good to know I’m not alone in this predicament. I’ve never been married but have been in many relationships with men, long-term and short-term. I really tried hard to make them happy, but it wasn’t good enough. I won’t blame all breakups on sex. It’s too complicated for that. But I know it mattered. Like you, I’ve had enough of that. If I don’t find someone to just cuddle and hold hands with, I’ll end up alone. I wish I could pretend I’m happy and proud to be the way I am, but I can’t lie. No one wishes to be different this way.

Kisha, I’m very sorry you lost someone so important in your life. It’s rare.

Best,
Monica

[Carol]

I have a very happy experience. I met my husband online when we were 17/20 years old. We were very good friends, I was in Brasil, he was in the Netherlands. Our friendship became a love relation. When we first met in real life love was very strong. We kept the long distance relation until I graduated then I moved to the Netherlands to live with him, that was in April 2002. We are together until now, with some ups and downs. We have 2 sons and 2 cats.
We didn’t know we were asexuals, we didn’t even know it existed. I am demisexual and he is grey (with some other labels together).
I am searching for asexuals friends because I am tired of sex jokes and comments about it, I don’t want to pretend, or keep explaining it.

[Marguerite]

Definitely looking for friends, not a relationship. I’ve got a good relationship, but Ace friends would be nice.

[Author]

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