I’m not sure if I’m asexual or not ready

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    Hi! I have been trying to explore my identify for awhile now and am confused over what this all means. So basically, I am not interested in sex. However, if I watch porn or read fanfiction I get arroused. I just can’t imagine myself doing the things I watch or read about. Whenever I masturbate or make out, I don’t really feel anything. I would like to have sex someday, but I can’t imagine me doing it. Yesterday, I was doing a sexual activity (not intercourse, but something close to it) with a boy and I didn’t feel aroused during it. Am I just not ready for sex or am I somewhere in the asexuality spectrum? Please help and give advice! Thank you!

    Pedro Frazao

    Emma, we can all give different opinions and ideas but in the end its just an idea to help you find the answer you are looking for.
    Everyone is different and no two people are alike.
    If you get somewhat aroused in my opinion you also have to at least somewhat enjoy it, alone, with someone else or watching it, otherwise you wouldn’t even feel aroused at all.
    Masturbation is different for everyone, to me was more about being depressed, lonely or frustrated than anything else.
    The man you had interaction with, did you love him?
    For me, if I have no feelings for the person I have no interest and sex alone was always boring for me but making love with someone you love or really like can be at least nice.
    If no physical and mental attraction when touching someone then it will make sense you dont have much pleasure unless you are a very shallow person, which, luckly, most of us here arent.
    Different is sometimes better, dont forget that.


    Emma, just go with what feels right for you. Pay attention to the way you feel and you can’t go wrong. Trying to live the way others expect you to live will make you very unhappy and resentful. It’s unlikely any relationship will work out if you try to be like others. I’m 61.I know where it goes when you’re untruthful to yourself. You don’t want to go there.


    Hi Emma,

    Thank you for the question.

    While it’s up to you to define if you are asexual or not, and what type of asexual you may be, I know it’s hard to understand all the terms and it’s nice to sometimes have suggestions for things you may wish to explore.

    Look up the term Autochorissexual as you may resonate in some way with it and it is on the asexual spectrum – Here is an article for you to see if you can relate to it – https://asexuals.fandom.com/wiki/Autochorissexual?page=2

    Incidentally, I can have high levels of arousal in certain situations, but zero sexual attraction. This often happens if I am kissing a guy I am in a relationship with and highly romantically attracted to – and especially if I am highly aesthetically to – usually if I am kissing him in private, bodies intertwined with clothes on. If I am kissing a guy in a nightclub – the the last few time I did this, I felt no arousal whatsoever.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Sandra.
    • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Sandra.
    • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Sandra.

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