Hi!

[Brandon]

Honestly, I’ve never been sure if I’m asexual or not but, out of frustration, I’ve decided to come here and see if maybe you guys can enlighten me.

Over the years, I’ve struggled sexually with my partners. The first time I ever had sex, I remember it not being nearly as enjoyable as I had always thought it would be. Most times when a woman wants me to get in bed with her, I’m usually never looking forward to it and my unease causes me to struggle, which has been a point of contention with some of my partners.

That being said, there have been times when I did enjoy sex and with one of my partners years ago, there was a period where we regularly had sex. Once our relationship started to slow down though, I practically became physically incapable of having sex with her, which effectively signaled the death knell of the longest relationship I’ve ever had.

I’m a deeply passionate romantic. During my previously mentioned relationship, we went to the same restaurant every month on the 19th (the date that I asked her out) and we share a candle-lit dinner. They had paper over the tables and my partner would write our initials in a heart ever single time. Over our 2 year relationship, we slept holding one another nearly every night. After our breakup, I suffered from insomnia for a substantial amount of time because I wasn’t used to not having someone to hold anymore. We used to stay up all night and talk about what our children would be named. We held hands everywhere. We cuddled watching movies and TV shows all the time.

I’ve always enjoyed all the romantic parts of a relationship. I love sharing my day with a person, and honestly I’m terrified of dying alone. I’ve always viewed sex as not being romantic. To me, it’s mostly just 2 people viewing one another as meat and that thought grosses me out. Once again, that being said, I do at least have something of a sex drive.

These feelings have always caused me a lot of frustration with society in some ways, as I often feel like I’m weird and out of touch with the people around me. A lot of women want to get in bed with me right away and I don’t like that. I want to get to know her and find the love of my life.

I’m curious if you guys have had similar experiences and what kinds of advice you might be able to give me. I’m also curious to find out what the dating scene is like for asexuals. I could use any direction that you can give me.

[Author]

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