Does anyone else feel “non-binary” but…

[Aux]

Never considered it seriously, because your physical body is so very obviously a gender? It would be my superficial dream if I could pass off as androgynous, but being 5’0” with DD breasts makes that an impossibility (without plastic surgery and probably even with it). Since my appearance is so obviously female I’d feel ridiculous expecting people to see me as anything other than that. I even feel ridiculous even courting the idea of claiming to be non-binary. But at the same time I feel a slight twinge of irritation at the thought that people see me as a woman.

Mentally, I just feel like a human, certainly not a female. And to be honest the biggest compliment I’ve ever received was when one of my guy friends said: “Yeah, but you’re not a REAL girl, you’re more like a robot I can say anything to.”

Anyway, I was just curious if anyone is in the same boat or has anything to impart.

[Anonymous]

YES. I don’t have the time to answer even partially, but I had to say someting.

[Aux]

Well I look forward to your later response then :]

[katay]

See I have the opposite problem to you, 🙂 My sex is female but pretty much everyone I meet thinks I am a male at first (until they hear my disgustingly high pitched voice).

I don’t really like it when people call me guy-ish, but I don’t like it when people call me girl-ish either.

I feel like I am neutral/ just …me.

So sex wise I am defiantly a girl ( I look down and there are the bits and pieces), But as far as gender, I don’t feel I fit into female or male either :/

I know its hard to describe but I empathise with you <3

[Aux]

Neutral is a good way to describe it. I’m glad you “get it”

Luckily, it’s not something that keeps me up at night. It only prickles when I stop to contemplate it.

[Aux]

I don’t really associate horns with heaven, but I’m going to go ahead and interpret that as, “Why hello Aux, you are reminiscent of an angel.”

To which I reply, “Oh nonsense, darling. I’m merely mortal. Unfortunately, my real pictures are sans horns.”

And I predict you will say, “Well, you will always be an Otherkin witch/angel in my eyes…”

And that is the start of our beautiful friendship.

[Aux]

How interesting. And fear not, I will not hold a gun to your head and demand to be friends. I happen to believe in friendship, but I’d much rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies. Long story short, I’m very selective.

[Anonymous]

Aux, did you pay for membership or not…? I can’t message you for some reason.

Anyhow, I guess I’ll start on my long reply that won’t even be able to cover half of what I really mean to say. It’s worth a shot. 😉

Let me start by saying I’ve spent many minutes seriously considering being a F->M transgender. Even though, the idea of it makes me sad. Of course, I’d never go through with it. I don’t things like gender are coincidental, there’s some reason why my soul was born into a female body.

Heading into my past, I always spent more time with boys or doing ‘boy things’ than the average girl. I probably would have done more if I was allowed to. I’ve mentioned it in the asexual story thread I think. but I’ll say it again. My mom very early on tried to limit my exposure to boys because as she put it, things would ‘change’. I even knew what she meant in a way, as a six year old might. And I hated it.

As I grew older, not being allowed to befriend guys and not relating well to most girls, I was more or less friendless. Which was not all that comfortable in the middle school years! There were a few girls like me that I was friends with, but after puberty hit they were as typical as the rest of them. Things became better in my later years of highschool though.

SIDE STEP: There is masculinity and femininity, which I believe follows somewhat of a normal distribution. This is hard to evidence because then what would be considered a masculine trait v.s. a feminine trait? However, I think loosely we can name a few. Boisterousness v.s. meekness, messy v.s. neat, …solitary v.s. social. I’m sure you can see which are thought of as M and F. However, the fault we make is in associating various traits with a given gender! This is the cause for so much turmoil, social and internal, it is one of the greatest limitations to humankind I believe.

I just cut this out of a conversation that I had earlier… I’m kind of lazy at the moment. xD

This brings me back to transgenderism. I believe if the world looked at things in the way I mention above, people wouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable with their genders. There’s also gender dysphoria of the body alone (which I do experience to a slight degree) but I still think this has alot to do with social influences.

Final points of my incoherent ramble (I could say alot more, but I just can’t type anymore. XD maybe another day): We as human beings are all some combination of feminine traits. Actually, I like to think of it more as Yin and Yang. And matching certain traits to gender is just a social function that justifies gender roles. Heck, if women weren’t patient and compassionate and subservient, how else could they put up with the house-wife role? xD You know, it’s not easy having ideas like this and not seeing it embraced by others. Things would be easier to handle if I wwas a guy. People wouldn’t look at me like I’m defunct for not shaving my legs. I could hang with the guys and it would just be the good pure fun it should be. I WOULDN’T HAVE TO CONSTANTLY WORRY MY JOKES ARE BEING TAKEN AS FLIRTING. :/ and so much more… But that’d only be perpetuating the limitations I decry.

I’m sorry this is so messy, but I really wanted to respond already! Hope you got somethings out of it. 🙂

[Aux]

No I didn’t pay for membership, nor has the site asked me to. It says I’m a silver level and I have not found a link to take me to info about other “levels”.

I’ve had messages with other people on this site–granted I’ve initiated them. Maybe I can only have private messages to people I reach out to first since I am merely a silver member. Huh, that’s mildly upsetting.

Anyway I completely agree with you on a lot of this strife having to do with societal associations with certain traits. It’s a little frustrating to me that as hard as I try, some of those ingrained teachings are still with me, even though I completely agree that traits are very individualistic and not necessarily determined by gender. I actually have to mentally slap myself to course correct my thoughts sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Aux I hav not read other replies and this may have already been said before. The way I understand this issue is just as sexual orientation is a dynamic state so is gender identity. The way gender identity transcends may involve either physical side or intellectual side. I think this varies with time and situation. We all have (male chauvinists will hate me for writing this) a male essence and female essence in our personality which varies with time and situation. The outward manifestation of our gender is usually subtle and generally we all come across as gender neutral. I mean in our day to day dealing with people around us we are not usually aware of gender 24X7 and it remains a subconscious feeling.

[Author]

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