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I’m new here to this community, but am thankful that I’ve come upon it, for the simple fact that I had no idea, up to this point, that my own personal feelings pertaining to companionship were shared by so many others.
Seeing as how I am an endlessly curious person; one who tends to examine life by thinking for myself; I have developed the habit of spending most of my days in an examination of ‘life, the universe, and everything’. I’ve spent the past few weeks really thinking upon the nature of ‘asexuality’/’aromanticism’, and all the various gradations/spectrums that may fall within this approach to human interrelationships, and wish to share a few thoughts in the hopes that it will open up further avenues of discussion and self-examination, for myself as well as for others within this community.
One of my areas of study has been, and continues to be, the Eastern approach to the structure of physical life, i.e. the incorporation, into the model of healing and health, of more subtle physiological/anatomical structures and systems of matter, as well as the non-physical aspects that give rise to material life. Folks in the west know this best by the name of TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine), related as it is to the meridians and the Dan Tiens, which themselves can be described, in a rudimentary fashion, as energy ducts/pathways and energy reservoirs (respectively) residing within all biological organisms. In Korea, this is known as the Kyungrak system, i.e. a third circulatory system comprised of ducts, ductules, and corpuscles, in which large amounts of nucleic acids (DNA/RNA) are to be found.
The basis of the system is that it provides for the development and movement of life energy (Qi, Prana, Bioenergy) throughout the physiological and anatomical structures of biological life forms (it also is at the heart of the formation of these structures, i.e. the realm of the origin of life matter, of nucleic acids and ATP, of cell formation and mitosis, etc.) To put it simply: The energy that gives rises to life, itself, finds in this system an intimate connection between the physical and non-physical aspects of existence.
The Eastern people, for thousands of years, have understood the importance of this system in the conscious movement of energy throughout the body (which has given rise to the acupuncture system of healing.) As part of developing an understanding of the nature of these energy systems, the idea of the harnessing and movement of attractive energies (sexual, romantic) was long ago developed. In the modern age, certain practitioners still understand and teach this movement of energies, with one of the more well-known names being Mantak Chia, who has developed a system known as the Universal Healing Tao.
As part of this practice, human beings can learn how to focus inward to ‘feel’ these energies, and to consciously move them throughout the body. As part of sexual practice, the Eastern peoples understood that the manifestation of mutually shared sexual energies (and its pleasure manifestations in the form of an orgasm) were NOT restricted merely to the area around the reproductive system, i.e. this energy can be moved at will, such that pleasure can be experienced all throughout the body, and at different levels of enjoyment. One of the more profound concepts that came out of this was the understanding that sexual or romantic pleasure shared amongst two people can, in its most potent form, be experienced in the mind. And beyond this, feelings that are sexual in nature are also morphological, meaning that their very essence and ‘form’ can be changed, i.e. rather than experiencing this pleasure as sexual, how about experiencing it through the reading of a good book? Try telling THAT to an average sexual, i.e. ‘when you have sex, the orgasm can be made to occur in your mind’. This is particularly difficult for men to grasp. I’ve tried explaining it, i.e. ‘I transform sexual energy by moving and focusing it elsewhere’, but am almost always met with one of these:
Such an idea is a difficult one to present to folks in the west, particularly here in America, where sexual energy runs as hot and restless as ‘Greased Lightning’. It’s difficult to have any kind of a mature and intelligent conversation about the role that mutually attractive energies (sexual, romantic, platonic) play in the process of personal growth and development, because most here just seem to want to do the ‘horizontal mambo’, and not focus too much on the more subtle underlying aspects of the nature and origin of these energies, and the ability to use one’s will to focus, move, and ultimately transform them. This lack of even a basic understanding as to the nature of attractive energy, in all its myriad forms, when coupled with the fact that music, the media, and the entertainment industries pump out sexual energy like its candy, has led to a terrifically confused society in terms of a mature and more evolved understanding of the nature of human relationships.
What interests me about ‘asexuality’/’aromanticism’ (and I’m being mindful with the labels, as I came to an understanding of this on my own without ever having come across a label for it) is that it represents a wholly new way of approaching human relationships in terms of the potential for life-long companionship. The idea of being able to meld together the ancient Eastern philosophies of mutually attractive energy movement with a relationship of this kind is an interesting idea – whether that life-long companionship be sexual, romantic, or purely platonic, for there exist a multitude of ways to express feelings for another. I see it as an opportunity to explore the depths of attraction for another person (reciprocated, of course) without the need to have the traditional definition of ‘sex’ be a part of such a sharing. This can become manifest in myriad ways, and the nature of the exploration that can potentially take place between two people who both harbor such feelings for one another is indeed vast in terms of its potential creativity. It also seems to me that the ability to have OPEN, HONEST COMMUNICATION about the nature of mutually attractive/sexual/romantic/platonic feelings would be an important part of such a sharing. It would have to be, if two people are going to make a commitment to one another for a lifetime, sharing the same bed, without the traditional role and definition of ‘sex’ being a part of this.
For myself, I know in my heart that I fall on the Grey-Romantic spectrum, i.e. I desire to express my feelings for another without having sex be a part of such a sharing. As part of this, I would seek a long, intimate courtship, as human beings are complex, and it takes a great deal of time to truly get to know someone (heck, it takes a lifetime to get to know YOURSELF.) We must be honest in this exploration, and ask truly, “How deep can I really go with this person? What is the nature of the relationship that we two can share?”
The story as to how I got here is a long one, and deeply personal, but the fact is that I feel as though I now have a better understanding as to the nature of the feelings that I have harbored for such a prolonged period of time. I also understand that a decision to pursue this particular path cannot be based upon past failures and hardships, because this is merely a distorted manifestation of repressed emotions. Again, internal honesty and self-examination through personal growth, and a willingness to call oneself on one’s own BS, are important factors in this process.
So, feel free to share any thoughts that may come to mind, as again, I am hoping to open up a dialogue here, as this truly is one of the only places in which I feel that I can open up about this, without being misunderstood; or worse, not understood at all 🙂
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