Coming Out? (I really need your help!)

[Anonymous]

I’ve known that I was asexual for a while now. I identify as a demi-romantic ace (maybe homo-romantic?) and I am finally beginning to understand myself and learning to be comfortable with who I really am. I’m ready to take the next step in embracing my sexuality and tell my friends and family. But, there are a few things that are apprehending me…
I go to a private Christian university, small enough that whenever something happens with one person everyone will eventually know by the course of two or three weeks. I don’t want to be treated any differently; I am still the same educated human being that they know and I am still me, especially me with my sexual preference. I am also afraid that because news travels so fast, some guys will target me as some girl to “mess with”. I’ve heard stories of sexual assault and rape on college campuses, and I think that some (not most) males would want to somehow prove that sex is necessary. No person, no matter what gender or sexual preference, should ever have to go through sexual assault. Period.
Now, with people that I’m close with (my family and friends), I’m really afraid they will treat me differently. I come from a conservative, somewhat religious household where heterosexuality isn’t something to question. I want them to understand that this is who I am; that it is not a phase, not that I haven’t met the right person, that I’m not broken or damaged in any way. I need a way of showing that asexuality is valid, real, and as respectable as any other sexual orientation. I feel that once I do this, I can start dating other asexuals to eventually find a romantic partner and not have to hide such a huge part of who I am.
Any comments or feedback would be awesome. Thank you for taking the time to read this! Have a wonderful day!

[Raell5]

Since abstinence is expected in the religious world I don’t see why you would have to tell anyone. As for having a same sex-partner, if you find someone who is also asexual, then you’d just look like “girl friends” anyway, so no explaining. But of course people trying to set you up can be annoying..one main reason I moved to Thailand. I didn’t know the way I am was a “thing.”

You could do what I do-just nod and smile. Since I’m partially transmale, if any male comes around I jump at the chance to have a dance, hiking, or extreme birding partner before the confused male realizes I’m not acting like a typical female and wanders off. I can only string them along for so long before they start insisting on some sexual reward (EEEEEEW!!). It’s easy to start a fight then and “break up” with them. But that’s probably not what anyone else would do.

But if you feel better telling people, then go for it. You can’t be worried about the opinions of others forever. But if you are still in college, maybe you would have a smoother ride if you kept things unexplained.

I think it’s just in the USA that people question others about dating or marriage status or act like single people need to be “fixed,” since it has NEVER happened to me while abroad. In fact, being single is the “norm” here in Thailand, and among the European, South African, and Australian expat teachers. The only lusty man-chasers I’ve seen have been Americans. But NOBODY has questioned my partner status or sexual orientation. I don’t even know what mine is, since nobody attracts me. I seem to be panromantic, though.

[Violet]

Well honestly, I don’t tell people I’m asexual. I just tell them I don’t like sex. Guys actually run rather than rape for me. I think coming out really depends on your surroundings. Or do you feel restrained or uncomfortable by not sharing your sexuality? Do you have a LGBT on campus? It’d be nice and you wouldn’t feel as alone if there is one. It’s gonna be hard if you’re the only non-hetereo at your school. Ask your friends their opinions on homosexuality, that way you can predict what their reactions will be and whether or not you’ll be treated differently. I can’t say nothing will change but since you go to a small religious college it probably will. As long some of your friends don’t care then you’ll be fine.

Also, depending on how strict your family is a tricky thing. They may not exactly accept it but that’s okay. Because you don’t need acceptance to be who you are and everyone’s entitled to their beliefs. I would come out in pieces or not at all when religion is a factor. Would it be safer to come out when you’re more independent? That way you don’t have to face denial everyday. Maybe start with asexuality, then the homosexuality later after if they’ve accepted asexuality.

[Lenka]

Raell, it´s not only USA where people constantly annoy others about their private life or where men constantly pursue women for sex. In Europe it is the same + the fact that in the whole eastern Europe female emancipation is not on the same level as in USA or western Europe, I would say it is even worse to be a single woman here. Basically it´s something between civilized western countries and fanatic mouslim countries where women have still no rights.

[Author]

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