Why doesn't anyone talk here?

[Alexander Avery Jenkins]

I thought this was a dating site of sorts the last time I checked.

[Sean S]

I’ve noticed the same. That’s why I don’t really come on here that much anymore.

[JoAnn]

I think a lot of people have left this site. Have you looked into acebook?

[Alexander Avery Jenkins]

Not yet

[Maria]

I am a full member but hardly come on here these days due to the FACT people are indeed very reluctant to converse with others.

• This reply was modified 9 years ago by Maria.

[Alexander Avery Jenkins]

I am guilty of not being able to stretch out small talk into a real conversation, but I try for the most part at least.

[Maria]

How long have you been a member for Alexander? Are you based in The Uk

[adam]

I paying member Ha what a mistake..seeing as people clearly can’t hold down a conversation and hide back into their shell..I too stop coming on here .it’s the people not site!

[Alexander Avery Jenkins]

What do you expect when you put a large group of people with communication issues. I’m in the us and further more. A lot of people I’ve met are more interesting in person. I am more about action than words. Just a couple of days ago I was driving to a couple towns over when I got stuck in the middle of a bike race for some reason. Then I met a guy from Ireland. He was my neighbor during my camping trip. I was next to a large river and a water fall. You could catch fish with your hands if you were still enough.

[Lolo]

I’m guilty of also disappearing from the site but mainly because there really is no one to talk to :s It makes it kinda sad, considering its already hard to find people who are asexual in the world.

[Anonymous]

I’ve only been here for a couple of days and all I have noticed is how hard it is to get discussion going 🙁 it is really sad.

[Alex]

Wouldn’t it be amazing to migrate part of the community here to a group skype discussion 😀
You can reach me at HopefulHun if anyone is interested. Just let me know which community you’re reaching out from.

I can see why it’s difficult for some to keep the conversation going here. The website isn’t exactly user friendly, never mind the awkwardness of talking about asexuality which is a bit difficult on it’s own. Where to start the discussion and decide where it’s going is a tall order to fill in any community. Most of us, it seems, are still discovering what it means for them to be ace let alone feel confident enough to explain it to someone else. And then there are aces who are aggressively repulsed by certain topics, causing some social unease to even engage in an open conversation about our personal experience.

My personal curiosity leads me to consider that asexuals want personal connections but haven’t quiet learned how to connect with it themselves. These appears to be the reason for me. As I’ve learned to speak fluently to sexuals my cadence falls flat with other aces.

Cake, however, is a fantastic metaphor and conversation starter 🙂 And I am always up for cake discussions! And yet the language surrounding asexuality is still somewhat unspoken even among the ace community. Whether it be literal or metaphorical cake.

When in doubt, talk about what you enjoy and invite someone to explain why they like what they do. For example, there was a great conversation in another group here about kissing. That topic went all sorts of places.

And please keep an accepting attitude when hearing about someone else’s experience as an ace. It’s an orientation as uniquely spectrum as the pride colors themselves. Expressing repulsion rather than preference can smother the will to participate in an active topic.

Can you think of any other reasons why the community might be inactive?

[Elizabeth Sharp]

I am glad you brought this topic up! What do you mean by Cake?

Elizabeth

[Anonymous]

It’s sad, I just bought full membership yesterday turns out the forum is p much dead. I’m under the impression that a good portion of the members on here is super introvert/anti-social/shy/timid/anxious whatever.

[Mathenge]

Lets not forget what the comfort zone is. ill stick my head out of my cocoon if you promise to do the same. Who’s with me? ;).

[Lauren]

My reason for not coming very often is a little conflicting. I’m asexual and aromantic, and originally the only reason I made an account to begin with was because I thought it would be easier to fulfill my social expectations to date by only dating other asexuals like myself. I’m at the point now in my life where I realize how unhealthy that mindset is, to only to date because people expect you to, but then I’m stuck with another question – where do I go from here? Do I continue to look for and meet men in the hopes that I’ll find the “magic exception,” or make peace with my aromanticism and be honest about it from the get-go? I want to make meaningful connections with people same as everyone else, but admitting that I’m not open to a romantic relationship on a dating site is, well, problematic. I want to talk and meet other asexuals, but I’m starting to wonder if a dating site is the best place for me to do that, since everyone here is inevitably only here to find a romantic partner.

[Anonymous]

Well, I think this is the correct place for you to ask these kinds of questions because, frankly, outside here people look at us like plain freaks.

[Anonymous]

Well, I ‘m very talkative and suffer of insomnia, so late at night you may find me for a chat now and then! I speak english, spanish, french and a bit of german and russian.

[Anonymous]

Looks like you hit the nail on the head.

[Alex]

It’s so quiet in here.

[Author]

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