How do you tell your friends and romantic partners that you're Ace?

[Amber CrankshawParticipant]

Hey everyone! I’m new to the site, so a hello from me ^_^

I don’t know why, but I personally feel like it’s kind of tiresome even thinking of telling people what my sexuality is. I was that person that thought she was “broken” or whatnot and now that I can put a name on my feelings, I don’t know how to tell people. I told one person I was asexual and they thought I was able to asexually reproduce (like a plant ._.). And even when I talk to people in regards to asexuality, they look at me like I’m crazy. I have one friend (he’s bisexual) and I wanted so badly to tell him I was Ace (the first person I could come out to at work), but I panicked and just didn’t. And thinking about telling a guy (romantic interest) that I don’t want to be sexual scares the crap out of me >_>. All I want to do is watch anime and play video games with him lol.

Any tips or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated! Thank you ^-^

[Derek LeaderParticipant]

There’s a lot of discussion on how to come out as asexual, and being misunderstood is common. Some people are good at subtly educating an interest first, which is really effective. I know some people have started by asking “Do you think the Doctor is asexual or is he attracted to his companions?” That avoids some very negative reactions as well.

I’m a blunt person, so I usually avoid the word “asexual.” I just say I’m not interested in men or women. Some people get it and some people think I’m joking. Of course, that doesn’t do much for people I might have romantic interest for. Luckily, I never meet anyone or do anything but work, so it’s not a problem. It’s a simple life.

I don’t have much advice, you may just need to find something that works for you. Sorry. It’s hard for all of us.

[VeeeParticipant]

Some secrets are best kept to ourselves…I’d tell a prospective partner but not the rest of the world!

[Vanessa the foxParticipant]

i’m just straightforward

[Amber CrankshawParticipant]

Thank you all for your thoughts and opinions, I greatly appreciate it 🙂

[NitrogenParticipant]

I haven’t told anyone, and I don’t think there’s a reason to outside of potential partners. If I’m ever with another asexual (hasn’t happened yet, but speaking in vainly-hoped-for hypotheticals), our sex life or lack thereof is absolutely no one else’s business.

[NicoleParticipant]

I’ve “come out” to family and very close friends before. I usually ask the person to be in a non-judgmental place and open their mind to begin with. Once they are ready, I explain that humans exist on a wide variety of spectrums (political, biological, intellectual, etc). Then I explain that sexuality is one of these many spectrums and describe it. Aces fall on one end of the spectrum, but even within that piece there is still a spectrum of people, which I then describe.

[DavidParticipant]

I only tell them that I am asexual only when topic comes up. One friend asked me straight up asked what my sexual orientation is during playing video games. I casually told him I’m asexual and proceeds to ask questions about it. My High School friends all of them knew by word of mouth.

Most of the people will be curious enough to ask, most of them attracted to you, while some of them genuinely wants to get to know you as a friend. For romantic interests, it’s much more harder if you’ve already developed a dating relationship before knowing flat out that you’re asexual. So I suggest just take your time and find a good moment to mention it.

What I usually do is gauge people’s reaction by leaving paper trails about it. I once told my mom “What if I don’t give her any grandchildren”, to which she responded that she would be sad but it’s fine for her. So I told her I was asexual and was ultimately fine about it, with the inclusion of explanations.

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