June 16, 2016 at 12:25 am #27646DavidSpectator
I mostly keep to myself and therefore have few close friends. If we are only counting friends who live nearby then I literally have one. That one friend and I were planning on renting a place together while we attend University. To me, it was the perfect situation. I knew I would have a hard time finding another roommate who I could thoroughly trust to be clean, calm, and sober. However, when she told her boyfriend, he was adamantly opposed to the idea. She explained my orientation to him on multiple occasions and every time his response made practically no sense. He said that it is not about whether or not something would happen between us, he just doesn’t like the idea of her living with a guy. I should note that she is CURRENTLY living with a guy. His problem is not with her “living with a guy.” His problem is with me specifically and I find it frustrating that he is lying to avoid admitting his true problem. Whether his problem is jealously or a deep distrust in me, I don’t know. What I do know, is that it is petty and puts an unnecessary burden on the lives of both my friend and myself.
I wouldn’t want to rush into suggesting that she dump him. I have had no problems with him in the past and I even really liked him until recently. However, he really needs to figure out how to control this irrational jealously of his before it starts to cause chaos in his own life.
Thank you if you actually read all this. I really just needed to vent a little.June 16, 2016 at 1:30 am #27647SandraParticipant
He is just jealous of the closeness you specifically have with her.
In general (sexual) women connect more with men emotionally and men more with women physically. So the fact you don’t have sex and aren’t going to, is not his problem, his problem is the closeness you have without the sex. I have a gay friend and although I am not suggesting it’s the same as your situation as I believe their situation is extreme, he is so close to his best female friend, you would think they are a couple and as far as I know she still has a boyfriend. But he stays over with her and her boyfriend sometimes. My friend has lots of female friends, but with her its different, she is always going to be his female soulmate that he could never be without and they are almost joined at the hip when out and about together.
Even though I am ace, I admit, I can still get jealous and I don’t have a boyfriend. It’s something I have been trying to free myself from for years, but at the moment I still get it, although I am consciously aware of it. I am a hyper-romantic heteroromantic so that is why I would be more probe to jealously the say an aromantic.
Maybe try to see them as a couple a bit more, if that is at all possible after your feelings have been hurt. Hope that helps.
SandraJune 16, 2016 at 5:58 pm #27650DavidSpectator
That makes sense. I probably took it more as a personal attack because he won’t actually say that he is jealous which leaves open the possibility that it is out of distrust or dislike of me. However, given what I know about him, I really can’t believe he would hate someone so easily. As long as I’m right about that, I’m sure him and I can start to get along again if I just talk to him in person with a calm head. Thank you Sandra.
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