Reply To: Asexual friends : Tell us your personal story…

[Anonymous]

I am 30 years old and despite many interactions with women via dating, I am extremely novice in bed. Like rookie novice! I look back at see many possible reasons why but perhaps its just how I am wired? I have done looking, searching, studying and now here I am on this site….

I have had sex 3 times in my entire life with the same partner of which I must say was not the most memorable experience. I was nervous as hell, scared, anxious etc…..(I was 28 btw) for a a guy who is very confident in every other area of life it was and is very odd for me to still have this domain of life that I fear, worry about and have little experience with.

I am still active in the dating game with 1 women right now via dinner, coffee, lunch, movies etc……its been 4 weeks and only time will eventually lead to intimate expectations and I DO NOT want to go bailing myself out of a fearful, embarrassing, self effacing situation by just letting the relationship fizzle…..again….I have done this four times in the past 4 years with women I really really liked but could not bare to admit such inefficiencies, vulnerabilities or insecurities to.

At 30 years old and now being at the point where going stag is getting REALLY old……I am ready to try and find genuine depth in a relationship but with this ever growing/lasting fear, awareness to my own sexual novelty….deficient sexual experience, lack of desire for intercourse…etc……I am fearful that I am not going to make progress with my current relationship either (she does not no of my limited experience or my “possible” asexual stance)

What’s really odd is that I do not feel sexually deprived either? Perhaps its the issue of not knowing what I am missing that makes it seem so easy to go years and years (its been 2 years now….without sex and not missing it.

I can instinctively ID attractive women easily, I am aroused and turned on by them like any other guy but the allure of sexual intercourse does not tempt me. I have considered asexual orientation heavily recently. But again, perhaps its only suppressed due to the negative emotional experiences I have had with sex in the past? I had my hormone levels checked at last check up, all clean so nothing organically off either.

Other then seeing and paying a damn PsyD to explain my childhood, my parents, my dreams etc……which likely wont do jack…….where else can I find help or means to overcome this issue of mine? Do I bring it up to the women I am dating (or does that put up red flags and bite me in the ass anyway?)

Do I try and find women of asexual orientation as well (If I am even truly asexual at all). I feel like a tease on dating sites being a fitness model guy who doesnot want to progress to sex.

Thoughts?