[Rebecca Swan]

Hey guys! I was just wondering, what has the reaction of people in your churches been to your asexuality? Most of my friends haven’t cared and havebeen suppirted, but I’ve noticed a lot of adults/older people in my church haven’t been. They don’t get it or don’t know what it is. My mom says it isn’t a rela thing and told me I’m not fulfilling gods destiny for me if I was to get married and not have sex. I told her that there inst anything unbiblical about it though because its basically just abstinence except it isn’t difficult. You aren’t breaking any of God’s laws. Ahe said thatGod didn’t create us that way. What do you guys think?

[Susannah]

Same here. I haven’t told anyone at church really. I’m not really certain how it would go over. I know my friends who are Christian don’t think it’s a problem. My dad, who’s an elder, doesn’t have a problem with it. But I don’t know how it’d go over with some of the more strict elders in my church (of course, my church is having a ton of issues right now and most of the people that most likely wouldn’t have a problem with it have left). I’ve been church hopping for a few months now because of other issues, and haven’t been comfortable enough at the other churches to bring asexuality up.

[Anonymous]

It’s a tough cookie, ain’t it? Because it’s not the taboo word of the week, but it hasn’t really absorbed into the public subconscious. Rebecaa I think you’re right, it’s just like abstinence. In fact, Paul mentions it quite a few times in his letters that although it is good and mice for people to get together, it may not be for everybody, and it wasn’t for him. Whether this was due to abstinence or if he was in fact one of the earliest recorded asexuals, who can say?
And Susannah I’m the same. I’ve only told one person that I’m asexual, because I don’t know how other people will take it. The main reason I haven’t told my parents is that I don’t want to go through the same thing my sister went through when she came out to them (which they’re fine with now, but at the time it was a bit awkward), and I almost feel like I’d be letting them down by finally saying ‘You won’t have any biologial grandchildren’ It just seems like a kick in face. I want to tell them and my sister but I don’t know when and how.
Life’s complicated like that

[Lolo]

I haven’t really told anyone that I’m asexual for the same reason as you all. I’ve only had maybe 2 people out of the very few I’ve told that took it well and didn’t think I was a freak :p So I can only imagine how my parents and other family members would react.

[Joy]

Yeah, it feels difficult. I’m out to some people but not to my friends that I have met from church and my church in general. I hate that it is so hard to predict what the possible reaction could be.

[Raell5]

Is there a reason to be “out” at all? I used to be in church every time the door was open, taught Sunday school, had music and drama groups, wrote and produced the Christmas plays, etc., but when my husband (I’m demisexual) ran off with a younger woman, suddenly nobody knew me at church. My friends looked right through me. Church members began picking on my children and even insulted them publicly.

I changed churches and found that just being single got me marginalized, and most of the Sunday school classes were populated by married couples only.

I know all churches aren’t alike, but I found out that being different in ANY way in some/most Protestant churches (at least the ones I attended) can get the welcome rug yanked out from under someone.

[Carrie]

I have not told anyone at church. Since my husband goes to a catholic church and I go to a lutheran nobody questions my relationship status. The only ones who know that I am asexual are my husband, of course, and my transgendered sister. My sister is the only one who understands.

[Elizabeth Sharp]

Its a philosophical question. To the religious I tell them I am Celibate to the secular minded I say Asexual. If you think about it. Asexuality is pretty much on the extreme side of homosexuality which threatens the church and marriage. Why is the church threatened about marriage? Steve and Steve ? It boils down to reproduction. Thats my opinion anyway 🙂

[Anonymous]

I haven’t outright told anyone I’m ace, but when I floated the idea of not dating/getting married/having sex, I got a lot of ‘you’ll find the right person eventually’ and ‘just keep waiting’

I did bring up the Paul’s thoughts on those of us who are called to be single, but all I got in response was ‘well, maybe, but you don’t know what God’s plan for you is.’

Alas =/

[Elizabeth Sharp]

I don’t see the point of “coming out” … I can see parents rejoicing …
“OMG, my kid doesn’t want sex!” Sex has always been a taboo.If viginity was a taboo most ppl would be virgins. Unfortunatly most ppl today are more concerned about losing thier smartphones. I never understood the power sex had over ppl until I was confronted with the exploitation of sex in the home, work and most saddening the sex trade of children and women here (U.S) and around the world that just made me go crazy. Someone once said,“What has been seen cannot be unseen, what has been learned cannot be unknown. You cannot change the past, but you can learn from it. You can grow from it. You can be made stronger. You can use that strength to change your life, to change your future.”― C.A. Woolf

In regards, to educating ppl, again and again about Asexuality. I find it annoying and emotionally taxing not to mention depressing. I’m not the sort who trys to fit in with other people. But my life is richer because its filled with so much other stuff (not what other people say I don’t have). Its hard to excape the customary, ideals of the culture we live in but do a bit of research and learn to trade hats when the topic comes up, have a sense of humor and do a bit of story-tellling. For example, Say something like, did you know that Isaac Newton was died a virgin…he was ceblibate/asexual. Speaking from my own experience, I am not sure people who are celibate chose to be. I hink that there might need to be a study. Great minds who are not focused on sex seem to free them up emotionally but sex is not a bad or evil thing. You can be still be wickedly smart. But love, love is passion and whats sex got to do with that these days? That is the saddest ingredient missing from our society. My advice. No need to explain yourself to anyone about your sexuality. If you are frustrated, see a counselor. Make a bucket list. Fly. I hate every cliche. Most ppl just regurgetate what they hear cuz they don’t know what else to say…critical thinking skills are def missing in the church.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I have not told anyone close to me. Eventually I most likely will as it will come out in some way or another most likely in casual conversation. I am not in denial about it but I just don’t talk about things like that to anyone. I think it depends on the person on who they will react and understand. Asexuality challenges a lot of the presumptions about how a marriage should be and sexuality.

[Alice]

I can’t really tell anyone. But when I am in the church I feel I am right. Though neither the priests nor my parents know about that.
My parents have recently started suspecting me and I’ve tried to explain that nuns are asexual, so this is what should be accepted by religious people. But unfortunately, they couldn’t get the point.
In any case, I feel right about what I do. I feel truly Christian love – the love of the spirit and mind, not physiological affection and excitement.

[Connor Baldwin]

Time to freshen up this thread, I guess.

I don’t really tell all that many people about my asexuality, because frankly, I don’t think a lot of folks would understand. I was in seminary in formation for the Catholic priesthood for almost 2 years, and frankly, I was convinced that a lot of the guys there were asexual and either hadn’t heard of it, or else were staying “in the closet” about it as I did for fear of being misunderstood. I never said anything about it to any of the other guys, except just once when I mentioned it when road-tripping back home from seminary with a seminary friend. His reaction was “well, isn’t that just normal?” I’m pretty sure that he was asexual but had never heard of the concept.

Especially in Catholicism with our clergy and religious orders vowed to celibacy, it seems that we have a lot of hidden asexuality. In seminary, as I got to know the priests assigned there, several of them definitely seemed asexual. I have had the opportunity to hear the stories of several religious sisters and nuns as well, who judging by their story of experiencing a far more powerful draw to serve God than to be married, are quite possibly asexual in some way. After all, while it is possible, it is certainly harder for sexual people to get excited about committing to a life of celibacy committed to God than it is for asexuals, and as an asexual, I felt and still do feel a strong draw toward the Church’s religious life.

Also, in reading the writings of so many of the saints, I often felt like I was reading asexual people who had no difficulty making the decision to forego marriage for love of God. St. Paul writes about this in the Bible where he basically says that he experiences no desire to be married but serves the Lord instead, and I think that this is a thread uniting many a story of many a Catholic asexual across many generations.

I can imagine that things must be different on the other side of the Tiber, as I have met a number of Protestant ministers who have questioned the roles of celibate clergy. While there are some rites of Catholicism that do have married clergy, I’ve noticed that it is a concept that just doesn’t register with married Protestant clergy in the way it does for me or around so many of the Catholic clergy I’ve gotten to know. What have you noticed?

[Author]

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