im really sick of trying

[bell]

To get to know other asexuals.I thought when I found this site (or any other asexual site) I would talk to new and interesting people that I share this deep and rare connection to. but finding a person to make a connection with is honestly the greatest heroic feat I have ever embarked upon.honestly im sick of trying so message me if you do want to consistently talk then I welcome it my bronies and pegasisters.if not keep browsing.

[Noelle]

It’s a pain in the butt, but I bet you’ll be happy as heck once you finally find someone who’s decent for you! Not everyone’s lucky enough to find love or even compatibility on their first, or even hundredth, try. 😀

[Ani]

Indeed, don’t give up! I had been single until I was 32 and except a few, connections were never that deep. The few that were deep were fading after a while due to distances. But then when I met my ex girlfriend, it was like the clouds opened for me and the skies appeared to be so beautiful that it was like a new world opening for me. It took a long time before establishing a connection that was so deep ; but it was possible. It has to be possible for you too. I know it sounds hard, but try to not put yourself under any pressure for it, at some point your soul mate will find you (and you will find him). Also, while it would be great to find an asexual partner, try to mainly follow the character and personality of a person, regardless if he’s asexual or not. If he’s really worth it and truly compatible with you, he will respect you just the way you are.

[Raell5]

Has anyone had a successful long-term relationship? Has anyone met a special someone on this website? Maybe only sexual people will pursue relationships.

[Raell5]

I noticed that a high percentage of my highly religious childhood friends are both androgyne (mixed gender traits) and never date, and apparently asexual as well (my theory is that the mixed genders cancel out each other’s sexual attraction instincts). Yet they believe, and say, they are being “chaste” and “pure” and congratulate themselves for waiting for “God” to bring them the The One someday, even though, like me, they are in their 60s!

I even hint to them that they might try asking someone out or socializing with dating prospects but they have religious excuses..GOD will bring the “right” person to me, so why look? Of course, as likely asexuals, they are only rationalizing their lack of interest.

One of my childhood friends even contacted me on Facebook, proclaiming his admiration of me since we were kids, but when I responded in a friendly manner, he began lecturing me that I would go to hell because I had posted a scientific link on Facebook. He ranted on for pages about how science was evil and I was doomed. I finally just defriended him.

[Ani]

Of course asexuals persue relationships, some of them at least, just like not every sexual person persues it. And some of them succeed in it. I am not sure about this site’s percentages of succesful matches, but I know several asexuals who have had or still are in a long-term relationship. Where they found their partner, I’m not sure. But asexuals in a long-lasting relationship exist, of course they do. In some cases the partner was not asexual, but respectful and understanding so it never became a problem. There are enough sexual people out there who perfectly manage relationships with an asexual, simply because they care more about love than sex and thus happily sacrifice any sexual activities in order to be with the one they love.

[rotts]

Hi. I’m new on here and would love to chat to anyone about anything. Looking to make friends and then maybe find someone who likes a good cuddle. Please get in touch if you like a laugh and enjoy life xx

[Raell5]

Hi, Rotts!

Just saying “Hi!”

I’m considering ditching this website anyway. There’s more response/activity in any normal dating website than here, and maybe I can fake my way into a friendship relationship with someone there, although I still don’t know my orientation. I think “pan” is probably the case, but I can’t stand it when women start trying to boss me around.
Even just a fun long-distance chat pal would be nice, if our interests are similar.

[Anonymous]

“Faking your way into a relationship” with someone on another site is NOT the way to find someone… If you aren’t going to be honest what’s the point? Will will just end up causing needless pain for yourself or someone else.

[Raell5]

Not really. I have had many long-term relationships with men as androgynous as I am. From what I’ve read, a high percentage of any population is androgynous, to one degree or another, but don’t realize it.
The easy way to find a demisexual on a normal dating side is to simply say on one’s profile that I “don’t believe in casual sex.” That eliminates 98.8 percent of males and the ones left are likely demisexuals, attracted to my high activity level.

I just can’t bring myself to do it anymore, since I’m not sexually attracted to anyone. I used to have relationships just to prove to myself that I’m “normal.” But I really valued the companionship, having a great dance partner, etc.

I have many close friends of both genders here in Thailand and both genders hit on me equally. I have to be careful what I say here; if I compliment someone’s new shoes or dress-expected in the USA-I might suddenly find myself proclaimed to be in a relationship with someone on Facebook. Now I’m very careful what I say to ANYONE.

My last school, about five sixth grade girls decided they were “in love” with me and I had to threaten to quit teaching at their school to get them to lay off.

[Anonymous]

Where do you teach in Thailand? I’m going back to Phuket in the fall for another six months 🙂 Love that place.

[Violet]

Yeah, this site and aven is kinda useless for anything real. No one wants to meetup, people just send friend requests but never talk to each other, and most asexuals don’t really know what they want or aren’t pursuing types.

You sound like you just need someone to talk not and it doesn’t have to be someone asexaul. There’s always omegle, Bell. I never asexauls on there though. Not into it but I’m sure you’ll find bronies and such.

[Anonymous]

I have been wondering this myself, I think the problem really is that many asexuals won’t know about this website or the fact that people on here live so far away.

[Raell5]

Don’t blame you for wanting to return to Thailand, Riley. When were you in Phuket? I skipped working in Phuket because of the high cost of living and tourist traps, chose Nakhon si Thammarat, just across the peninsula. I taught a year in Saraburi, two hours north of Bangkok, half a year in Lopburi, an hour north of Saraburi, until the town flooded and went underwater, then I moved east into the mountains at Lamnarai. No wi-fi or cable TV, so moved to Nakhon si Thammarat, just across from Phuket, worked there a year and a half. I moved to Songkhla, close to the Malaysian border this summer. I’m only a few minutes from the beach, by motorbike.

[Ani]

People, you all do realise it takes just 1 right person to respond to any message online/offline, and that a high activity rate on a site is not necessary? The moment you find the right person, you don’t need that impressive “friends list” online, you will be very happy with what you’ve got. And it is true that some people send messages around with only 1 out of 5 or so actually replying, but that’s the same on any website and also in real life a lot of contacts lead to nothing. But it’s worth not giving up, and persueing love.

@ Raell5 : I realise i am quite biased myself as a demisexual with erotophobia, but 98.5% of men that want casual sex?? Hard to believe, although for sure the number will be higher than the number of women that want that. But 98.5% ?! I think that is estimated too high, remember not every sexual person will want casual sex. Some sexuals rate sex highly but only within a relationship (without necessarily identifying as demisexual ; not ever sexual person will want to live a libertine lifestyle)

[Raell5]

My experience is that any time I post on a dating site or meet someone who is a sexual male, he expects sex for any kind of interaction, hence my disclaimer on dating website profiles.

Another way to sort them out is to also list all my convoluted interests and say I want to meet someone with similar interests.
If some guy loves jitterbug dancing, hiking, horse trail riding, traveling, museums, is a musician, etc he is likely a mixed gender demisexual.
I say “demisexual” because he probably wouldn’t have the motivation to get together with me and have a long-term platonic relationship if he were only asexual.

Some male online suitors pretend to like me for our shared interests but eventually start making sexual insinuations or asking to see photos of me in a bikini, so I dump them.

My problem is that, as a panromantic, I don’t even know what sexual orientation I am. Probably pansexual if in a long-term relationship, but hard to tell if nobody attracts me sexually initially. Hard to set up a dating profile if I don’t know what I want.

A male companion is better choice in that I would get some protection while on my extreme birding/wave surfing/motorbike jaunts, I could probably get his financial benefits, have approval of society and family.

Most males with strong male traits (mostly male hormone brain configuration in the womb) are naturally inclined to turn their lives over to a female to run things, while most females heavy on female hormone brain configuration have the instinct to micro-manage males.

I exhibit so much bold, macho behavior I tend to attract straight women, but if a female has a crush on me, she usually tries to control me so I beat a hasty retreat.

[Chu Mou]

I really feel for everyone on this forum. I have problems with loneliness and wanting to be with a partner (who doesn’t care about sex). Since the regular dating sites (eHarmony, Match, etc.) don’t really tailor to those with asexuality, this seems like the best option out there. Don’t give up! I’m just so happy to have found this site after being in the dark about my situation for so long.

[Sandra]

Hi Church Mou, that’s sweet of you to say. I have a friend I made in here. We have been messaging most days for almost 5 months. I had a Skype date this Monday going, from someone on this site, but it hasn’t lead to anything. I was a bit alarmed when he talked about staying over on a suggested first date. Even if he is asexual, it was far too much too soon, so I am not bothered about it going any further.

[Raell5]

I actually forgot about dating and have been busy teaching at a new school 1.5 hours away, on the beach, and going birding in the big swamp west of my place. I was finally strong enough to drive the motorcycle up the steep mountain south of town to photograph painted storks near the Songkhla Zoo property.

I also made another invention prototype and have been writing up a a provisional patent for it.

So, in the end, I’m like everyone else on the androgyne and asexual forums, putting little effort into pursuing a relationship. I had one avid suitor the past three years, but that person is a bit unstable and suddenly returned to an ex-wife. I barely noticed, so I could use some sexual ambition myself. No wonder people don’t bother, though.

[Sandra]

Hi Raell5

I totally get why people don’t bother. It is a lot of hassle in comparison to the freedom of the single life. The only reason I am on here is because I instinctively know I have a soulmate, but it may be years before we discover each other anyway. I think everything you are doing is great.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by Sandra.

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