Age differences in relationships

[Angelique]

Yes! The biggest Taboo in society and Angel’s totally bringing it up as part of a discussion thread but no… seriously. Since we’re not that into sex, where does the whole age thing come into play with you? Would you date someone far younger or far older than you and how to you feel about it? As a woman well on her way to thirty, I seem to always attract a lot of younger men. They tend to range between 21 to 26 in age. I always wondered if that was just a sexual thing where a younger male would think that I’d be desperate enough but I met a guy who I cam out to (He’s 24) and he seems to not care about sex with me. Seems! I said Seems. I’m gonna be feeling him out…

I see a lot of younger people on here and not a lot of older ones. I’d like to know both of your opinions on the age gap!

[Anonymous]

Hi i’ve always been out with women at least 10 years younger than me ..i’ve even been out with a girl 20 years younger than me …but the norm for me is around ten years difference ..the only problem is ..non have been asexual ..so every relationship i’ve ever been in was doomed to fail…can’t find anybody ..and i mean anybody who is asexual…how do you bring that up in a coversation ..on the first date..gawd knows,,,anyways ..age shouldn’t matter ..its the attraction and chemistry that should..cheers PB

[Anonymous]

I think it would be nice if age didn’t matter but at the end of the day, it does matter quite a deal.

How long you lived really factors into what sort of experiences you may have had as well as certain maturity. Not to mention the fact long down the line, there’s always a possibility that rift may even get bigger.

Personally I play by add or subtract 5 year rule.

[Anonymous]

I will only date my age or older, possibly a year or two younger if they can show they are mature. I haven’t dated in a long time however, sort of gave up for the time being. 10 years was the biggest age difference for me so far though. I dated a 30 y/o when I was 20.

I hope this guy is the real deal for you!

[Kai]

I dated someone who was 20 years older than me. Hah…. but it was fine. Everyone is different. People grow up at different rates, people move through life stages in non-linear fashions. People justify their age preferences as “but life stages” but you really can’t and shouldn’t assume anything about where someone is at in their life just based on their age. Ask them about where they are in their life directly.

[Lenka]

The problem with too big age difference is that one of the couple will most likely die much sooner than the other. 🙁

[Kai]

Yeah that is true. That was a huge issue for me. I don’t think it is for everyone; ie. not everyone is looking for a long term commitment in their dating life. But I agree that it can be problematic

[Angelique]

Rachel? He’s definitely not the real deal for me, but he tried so hard and I have a real issue disappointing people. He leans in a lot for a kiss and I have to say no cause at the time, the surprise made me not wanna be touched at all. I think age differences can work. You never know who will die first. The age of death depends on many factors Lenka. I would not worry about that one. The thing to worry about the most is the fact that one will be on a different level to the other. It is vary rare that I will find a 25 year old who wants to chill out at home in front of a good movie or eat gourmet food or go to a gin and tonic bar…These are my favorite things to do.

[Sandra]

Hi everyone

I am only attracted to much younger foreign guys as a general rule. The youngest I have dated is 21 years, the oldest 27 in the last 3 and a half years that I have been sexual. So 17 years difference to my birth certificate age with the 21 year old, but only 2 years difference in my mind – well 3 at the time. I was 24 in my mind last year, 23 this year and in 2 years time, I will be 21 in my mind – I am so excited about that. They were all sexual so no good for me.

I am waayyyyy young for my age. I like going clubbing for dancing. I like going out and have to being doing stuff all of the time. I like going to theme parks, zoos, aquariums, the cinema, out for meals. I am lively, bubbly and energetic. I am not into a quiet life taking in the scenery, but a magical disney-style loved up life – I enjoy dating myself. My whole room looks like a teenagers bedroom, and if I have my own house, it will be done up like a kid’s bedroom throughout (in the future.) I like living life to the max. I don’t like watching hardly any TV. I like staying up until the early hours and I like living life to the max, 24/7. I listen to dance/club/pop music for hours to keep myself energised. Most younger guys can’t keep up with me so it’s a bit of a problem getting a suitable match. I don’t want kids, sex, or to get marriage, an LAT would suit me – To see each other once of twice a week and do things we like together and then the other 5/6 days to do our thing. I love kissing too. Most of my male friend are in their early to mid twenties, including my foreign friends. One of my best mates (friend only) is 18 years. I got asked out by an 18 year old last year – to his dorm – ha! I don’t think so! Then he asked for a meal with me – no way with the dorm thing!

And I intend to live to be 100.

Sandra

• This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by Sandra.

[Violetta]

I am afraid of relationship with a younger person (if he is more than 8-10 years younger) because he can change his mind like most young people do. Also I don’t want a person who would be more than 10 years older because it could be problems in the far future.

[J C]

Completely new to this site and identifying as a grey or demi. I don’t think age matters so much as maturity and being comfortable. I feel as though I’m almost too old for this site and see a lot of young people identifying as asexual when they’ve barely had any life experience much less any sexual experience. It’s taken me this long to identify and I’m not sure such young folks can positively call themselves asexual. Maybe they can. I’ve had a feeling for years but since the implementation of aven it was hard to find resources. To each his own. Age shouldn’t matter though as long as both parties are content.

[Lenka]

One definitely doesn´t need to have sexual experiences to know he or she is asexual, just like heterosexual people don´t need to confirm their heterosexuality by having sex with the same gender and finding out it disgusts them or in the best case it does nothing to them.
Any sex would feel like rape to me, there´s no way how I could “confirm” my asexuality by having sex ´cause I would probably kill the “rapist” and then myself after so traumatising experience.

[J C]

Sorry to come off so crass. I identify as a completely different type as you. I should’ve taken into account the severity that some people identify as. Again this is a completely new concept to me. I always felt I was different but it took a decade to actually learn about it and relate to it for me.

[Violetta]

I agree with you Lenka. Sex is an aggressive form of rape and it is dirty, humiliating and animalistic also harmful especially for women.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by Violetta.

[Angelique]

I don’t agree with that Violetta. It’s just an animalistic and very human desire to be closer to someone else. There is also nothing more agressive than rape darling. Rape is the most agressive thing there is and I would know. It is also not quite harmful to women. Giving birth is. Periods are. Those are things that make us bleed. Sex is a way of reproduction. I think humans just have more added feelings to their reproductive experience such as emotions. Good for them. Wish I could feel those beautiful feelings to. It is a little sad I don’t but I don’t really miss something I never had. It’s like people who eat steak. Some people love it. They say I’m missing out because I don’t like it like they do. I’ve tried it. It does nothing for me. It’s also too much effort. You have to chew and chew and chew and then swallow this lump of red juicy flesh. Urgh… no thank you to that. That’s how I feel about the whole sex and kissing thing. Too much effort for nothing. I wish I did like it. Life would be so much better if I did…

Also, I think Lenka said it would FEEL like Rape to her. It would feel the same to me and often does but I know it’s NOT. I know it’s something many people love and honor so calling it aggressive and rape is not really nice. We need to be a little more understanding to the ‘muggles’.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by Angelique.

[J C]

I’m sorry Violetta that you see sex that way. It has to suck to feel that way about intimacy. It’s obviously your opinion but there’s demis and greys that don’t feel so strongly about. May I ask if you’ve ever willingly had intimate sex? Again this is all new to me and I’m trying to see it from all perspectives. Do you hate heteros because they have intercourse? Or do you look at it as whatever floats your boat?

[Anonymous]

You got this volume of responses in a week?? My hat off to you, Angelique! xD

I’ve always personally felt that I fit well with the younger crowd.. It’s a bit unusual to say given that I’m not that old yet myself, but it just feels like being with a younger person would be more natural. Just don’t get the idea that I’m a pedo or anything. 😛 But, mental age is the real factor of consideration, so now and again I come across someone who’s biologically older than me that I feel that ‘potential partner’ connection with.

In terms of biological age, give or take 10 years from my own is my rule of thumb. I feel like the majority of people within one’s mental age(MA) range fall within 10 years. I would be more comfortable with someone mentally younger than myself as opposed to older, because I’d have a hard time seeing them as a partner – they’d be more of a parent or a mentor role. Though, someone around the same MA is ideal.

[justpasnthru]

I think that age makes no difference in the grand scheme of things but as an older person myself I have to make judgment calls at my age or I’m being way irresponsible. I have to speak for everyone – and I usually do haha.

But most of my friends in the last 6 years or so have been younger, not a good decision on my part so I’m looking for people my own age or older. Trying something new you know because what I’ve been doing the last few years is not working for me – it’s been working pretty damn well for other people but not for me so it’s high time I changed that.

Where are the older guys? I know they’re out there somewhere just too shy or embarrassed to admit to being asexual or whatever it is, I really don’t give a damn. All I know for sure is that I don’t want sex, maybe ever again. It’s overrated, over-done, over and over and over until you want to puke and all this porn stuff I don’t understand either.

There is so much more to life than what the media feeds us is proper, it’s NOT proper and it’s NOT NORMAL! Get to know people, not screw them. Nuff said.

[–]

No way. Maturity comes with experience, not age. And I prefer people around my age.

Btw, old men should look for old women. I see a lot of older ladies really wanting to date a man her age, while most of the old men I know are like: Boohoo I want a 20 years old girl. This is disgusting.

[Angelique]

Janice. I agree. It’s overrated but I do like to do my thing on my own. It’s healthy. Just don’t involve me in two or three way sessions. Ew. As for older men, I’m still waiting for just an Ace no matter what age.

Btw, we didn’t work out and I am again single. He was on his phone too much and was constantly trying to touch me which eventually made me feel more like his mother than his mate.

I agree with Adamas. I was well aged when I was 21 because of life experience and not because of my age.

Thank you as well to Yura. I guess this is a topic many have an opinion on. I know I’d like other peoples opinions on it as well!

[Author]

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